


Dream On (Completed)

by luna_ren_creations



Series: Dream On [1]
Category: Original Work
Genre: F/M, Inspired by Music, Music, Musicians, Rock Stars, Rock and Roll
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-03-23
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:34:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 80,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23280298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luna_ren_creations/pseuds/luna_ren_creations
Summary: Rey Blythe is a struggling young adult trying to achieve her dreams of being a star in the music business. Jack Cross is a member of the ragingly popular Brit rock group, Raven Wing, and has everything but is a broken, drunkard shell of a man. What happens when Rey ends up coming to London to work as their song writer so the band won't ultimately crumble? This is Dream On
Relationships: Original Female Character/Original Male Character
Series: Dream On [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1674157





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Hi everyone, so this story I've been working on since college and it's gone through many editing sessions and probably isn't done with that, but it's finally finished! This is a series, there will be 3 books, so stay tuned on those. Anyway, please enjoy!

**PROLOGUE:**

Most kids go through their childhood years claiming what they want to be when they grow up. Common ones are always your doctors, police officers, firemen and you get the odd one who wants to be a vet or something. Every kid goes through that stage and what they want to be when they grow up often changes half a million times before they reach college age, because most are left in front of college applications scratching their heads in confusion as to what it is they really want to become. That was never a problem for me. When I was a kid, I ate, slept and drank music. It helped having a mother who was a vocal teacher and a father who worked at a record company in Los Angeles and who used to be in a rock band in his younger years. Music was my influence and the first time my fingers touched a guitar, that was it. I knew what I wanted to be for the rest of my life and it wasn’t going to ever change like a little girl saying she wants to be a dancer but giving up after half a year of ballet lessons. No, this wasn’t a passing fancy. This was a passion. I started playing guitar when I was four years old and piano at seven. Mom taught me how to sing herself from basically the moment I could talk and that was it, it was all I wanted to do. In school, I was the dreamer, always doing well in music classes and art, but suffering in the academics. To me, those didn’t matter. I figured as long as I had my fingers and a guitar or piano, I was set for life. My parents were immensely proud of me and had their hopes of me going to some place like Julliard when I was old enough. Well when I entered high school, that became my dream. I was going to make it to Julliard if it killed me. Life though has a way of turning everything upside down and backwards in the blink of an eye, my perfect life had been perfect for too long. I’d never make it to Julliard. When I was seventeen years old, my parents were tragically killed in a car accident. Nobody saw it coming and I had a hell of a time coming to terms with it. I was an orphan. I had no surviving relatives who could take me in and no family friends ever offered. The state must’ve believed I was old enough to strike out on my own because they never had me stuck in foster care. Regardless, I was alone in the world and I became miserable. I was finished high school and Julliard was within my grasp. I could have still lived my dream, but I didn’t. I was so distraught after losing my parents that I quit music. I had to make it on my own by then and for a seventeen-year-old with absolutely zero academic achievements, that didn’t mean much. I moved to a seedy little apartment in the city and basically used the college fund my parents and I had been saving since I was little just to live and eat. I worked like a dog for the next three years at various fast food joints just to keep my head above water, but it didn’t make me any less miserable. By the time I was 20 though, I was able to move from the seedy tiny apartment to a studio loft and that’s when things changed again. During my move, I came across my old guitar and at my new place, I remember I sat on the floor surrounded by boxes for hours just holding my old acoustic guitar. It was full of memories of that guitar, I had received it when I was fifteen. I remember I just cried my heart out over how lost I’d been for so long. Julliard was never going to happen for me now, but I couldn’t give in to living so miserably. That night I made a decision. I wasn’t going to let my parents’ deaths cloud over my dreams any longer. I knew they wouldn’t want me to give up on music and they’d want me to be the best I could be. That summer, I worked and saved up every cent I had from my new job at a restaurant just so I could get into Berkeley University into their music program. My hard work and determination were rewarded as I walked into my first class that September morning and introduced myself to the class, Rey Blythe. I started playing again and threw my heart and soul back into music. It was like coming home. After that, things began to improve. I quit my job at the restaurant when a fellow student in my program asked if I wanted a job at a vinyl shop his uncle owned. I of course accepted. I loved every type of music there was. If it had a good beat, I’d listen to it. My fall to genres were mostly rock, alternative and a bit of pop. Personally, I hoped to be an alternative rock artist. For the time being though, I happily worked in the record shop and rose to assistant manager in less than a year. I graduated from my music program with flying colours when I was 23. After that, the world was my oyster. I worked during the day and by night, I auditioned at every possible place I could, I played in bars and coffee shops too, just hoping to get recognized. Nothing ever came of them, but I kept on trying. I’d written my own songs since I was thirteen, and more since I picked music back up. I wrote about my life experiences, even losing my parents. Still, I wasn’t getting my break. My break would come a year later but in the weirdest most round about way possible, but looking back, I wouldn’t trade the experience for anything in the world.


	2. One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey, struggling to find a label to sign her in her home city of LA, takes a risky chance and auditions to be Raven Wing's opening act.

My alarm blared in my face at six thirty that morning. I groaned and whacked the snooze button.

“It can’t be morning; I just fell asleep.” I mumbled to myself. It had been another long night, promptly after a long day of work. I had 2 auditions and a show at a bar about ten blocks from my apartment. And now, I had to get up and do it all over again. I had to be at work for seven thirty so I knew I had to get a move on. Somehow, I made it out of bed and into the shower, my coal black hair was a fuzzy mess. When I finally faced the steamy bathroom mirror, my face was coated in the remains of yesterday’s makeup. In less than twenty minutes though, my face and hair were both shaped up. I classified my style as grunge/boho/whatever I could afford. After finding clean clothes and making a mental note to do laundry at some point that week, I grabbed my keys, bag and guitar before heading out.

I stopped at the coffee shop on the corner to grab my breakfast which was usually just coffee and a muffin before walking to work. It was literally four blocks away and I didn’t own a car. All I needed was my headphones and a couple of good steady beat songs to walk to. That morning’s first selection was Raven Wing’s new single, Battle Cry. Raven Wing was a popular alternative rock/rock group out of England. They were newer, having their first album just in 2010, but they made it big pretty fast. Anybody who was anybody knew Raven Wing. Girls were always screaming and fawning over the lead vocalist, Jack Cross. He was alright I guessed, but I was more interested in the music, not the people. Battle Cry was number one on the US charts and had been for two weeks now. I liked it, it had a great melody. I’d even played it myself a couple of times. By the time I made it to work, I was on a P!nk song. Told you my music interests were diverse. I didn’t even use my phone for music, the storage space was way too small. I had a 200GB iPod Classic and that was barely enough room. I was the first one to the shop that morning, so I unlocked the door, turned the lights on and flicked the sign on to show we were open. You’d think people wouldn’t frequent a record shop anymore, much less buy anything but you’d be surprised at how many people owned retro record players and collected the vinyls. I flicked through the collection of records looking for something to put on the machine by the cash. We had everything from oldies to new modern stuff. That morning, I chose Aerosmith and cranked it as no one was coming in at the moment. I had to admit, it wasn’t a bad gig working there, I was often by myself as my boss and I rotated. He worked when I had auditions or gigs in the evenings and nights and I worked during the day. On my down time, I’d either write songs, listen to records or play on my guitar. Some of my best songs came from writing them in the record shop. Needless to say, I had one hell of a busy life for someone my age. I didn’t even have time for guys. It wasn’t like I knew many anyway, only the ones from Berkley. In school when I was in my teens, I never much cared for romance or drama which left me with very few friends. I didn’t mind, and when my parents died, I didn’t care if I had friends or not. I was always a bit of a lone wolf and I liked it that way. It began as your regular normal day for me, working all day in that record shop. The flow of people started coming in toward the afternoon and it kept me busy. What happened later though would change my life forever.

*******************************

It got slow in the shop again toward 3:30 that afternoon and I was back at my notebook, humming a new tune I was trying out. I was kind of in the zone when my phone started ringing from beside me on the table. I glanced up at the clock on the wall, sort of confused as to who would be calling me and why before I picked up my phone. It was a local number, but I didn’t recognize it. Curious, I answered.

“Hello?” I asked.

“Rey, hey it’s Gabby Underwood.” The voice on the other end said. It took me a second to place her, but then it hit me. Berkley. She was in a few of my classes.

“Oh Gabby, right. Hi, how’ve you been?” I replied.

“Oh me? Good, I got signed to a record label about six months ago so I’ve been busy. How about you?” Gabby said. I felt slightly jealous hearing her news.

“Me? Oh, I’m still trying to make it out there. It isn’t easy.” I half chuckled, trying to not be consumed by envy.

“Oh, well don’t worry. I’m sure you’ll nail something soon. That’s actually why I called. I don’t know if you’ve been doing many auditions or anything, but I heard about something you might be interested in.” She went on. My interest piqued at that.

“Oh? What have you got?” I asked.

“Well I saw it on twitter, but I confirmed it from a few friends. You know the band Raven Wing, right? Of course, you do…” Gabby said.

“Yeah I know them.” I answered, a little puzzled.

“Well they’re holding auditions tonight for their next opening act. I figured that might be totally up your alley.” She explained. I felt a rush of excitement run through my veins.

“Really? Well I’d definitely love to show up for that.” I replied. I started to absentmindedly daydream about opening for the world’s most popular rock band in front of thousands of people. Gabby rhymed off the address for me and I jotted it down in the margin of my notebook. I thanked her before ending the call. I must’ve had a smile a mile wide on my face at that moment. Of course, the rational side of me was thinking ‘well it is just an audition, nothing definite.’ But the other side of me was jumping and doing back flips with excitement that I could have the chance to tour with Raven Wing and play sold out stadiums with them. Reality sunk in then as I realized I was already lined up for an audition that night at the exact same time the Raven Wing was for, at a prestigious record label.

“Be sensible, you have to show up to the record label.” I told myself. But that decision made me immensely disappointed. So, I did probably not the smartest thing, I decided to take the flighty option and audition for the rock band instead of the record label.

_ “And if I don’t get the Raven Wing gig, I’ll call and see if I can reschedule with the label.” _ I thought, my spirits perking again. I must confess that my brain wasn’t overly rational and focused at that moment. This would be my first audition for anybody famous and if they liked me, even if I didn’t get to tour with them, maybe they’d recommend me to their label! The possibilities seemed endless to me right about then and I was already over the moon without having auditioned yet.

******************************

The rest of the day took forever to get over with before I closed the shop at 5:00. From there, I hailed a cab and read the address to the driver off my notebook. I didn’t have time to eat, auditions started at 5:30 and I needed that time to prepare exactly what I wanted to perform. For the record label, I was originally going to do a cover by an old rock artist but for this audition, I needed something that showed more of my talent. On the ride, over to the location which was a large club in the heart of LA, I rifled through my notebook to choose a good enough song for Raven Wing. By the time the cab pulled up to the location and I paid the driver, I’d chosen the song I wanted and hopped out of the car with my guitar and bag. I quickly realized though just how many other people besides me must have heard of the auditions. Auditions for record labels were scheduled and it was just you in front of a panel. What I saw at this club was sheer mayhem. The lineup of hopefuls ran right out the door and halfway down the block! I slowed to a stop on the sidewalk in shock.

_ “What the hell are you even doing here? You don’t have a chance!”  _ I thought, starting to panic just slightly. I looked at my watch; it was too late to make it back across town to the record label. I’d made my choice, I had to see it through. Feeling a lot more dejected than excited, I joined the back of the line and sighed. I figured I would be there all night. To my surprise though, the line was moving quicker than I thought. All in all, I think I was in line for 45 minutes’ total and I just tried to mentally prepare myself for seeing Raven Wing, not to mention performing for them. I wondered how many had shown up just for a glimpse of the four guys. Hope swelled in my heart as I reached the door to the club at long last. If I was still in line, that meant they hadn’t chosen an act yet. That made sense, right? Once the doors were opened to let me inside to join the next five up, I realized two things. The first was that Raven Wing were nowhere to be seen, there was just a stage and a table facing the stage with only one man seated behind it. From the looks of it, he wasn’t young either. The second thing I noticed was that for most of the hopefuls, they’d get maybe a stanza in before the man would raise his hands to stop the contestant and in a thick British accent he’d say

“That will be all, thank you.” Well seeing that made my nerves eat my insides. I was disappointed that Raven Wing wasn’t there, but more concerned about being waved offstage because I wouldn’t be good enough. I almost backed out, but that wasn’t who I was. I was not quitting just because of nerves. Of the four acts in front of me, two got waved off early and the other two got to play their selection full through. That gave me a little boost of confidence, but not much. As the man behind the desk asked for the next act, I held my head high and walked right up to the stage. I just had my acoustic guitar, but I could work with that. I stood onstage in front of the microphone and faced the man watching me.

“Hello, my name is Rey Blythe and I’ll be playing an original song called Who I Am.” I spoke clear and steady. My knees were shaking a little, but I tried to tell myself to treat it just like any other audition. I began strumming the chords of the first song I had written after my parents died. I thought it was a good representation of me.

_ “Walking down this old beat road, _

_ Don’t know where to stop, don’t know where to go. _

_ Seeing faces I knew once before, but I don’t know them anymore. _

_ Time moves on, forward and fast _

_ Faces and places change from what I remember last _

_ But I won’t be scared, no I won’t look down _

_ Won’t look down, I’ll hit the ground… _

_ (Chorus): Look at me now, high above the tallest mountain. _

_ Won’t let people hurt me at all _

_ Life goes on, you can’t change the outcomes _

_ Sometimes I’m gonna fall. _

_ Oh, the laughter, the heartbreak, the happily ever after stories in my head make me who I am.” _ I sang. I glanced up and the man seemed intrigued by me. That was a good sign, right? Hell, I was just relieved he wasn’t stopping me.

_ “Running now, I see things brighter than the years of my past. _

_ Buildings, lights surrounding me, shining like a sheet of glass. _

_ Nothing matters but me anymore _

_ No one to play with my heart _

_ Time moves on, forward and fast _

_ Faces and places change from what I remember last. _

_ But I won’t be scared, no I won’t look down _

_ Won’t look down, I’ll hit the ground… _

_ (Chorus): Look at me now, high above the tallest mountain. _

_ Won’t let people hurt me at all _

_ Life goes on, you can’t change the outcomes _

_ Sometimes I’m gonna fall. _

_ Oh, the laughter, the heartbreak, the happily ever after stories in my head make me who I am. _

_ The untold stories behind the curtain, that’s where they’ll stay _

_ The late-night secrets, sweetheart promises all faded away _

_ Past and present memories and now are a puzzle of someone I know. _

_ Look at me now, high above the tallest mountain… _

_ (Chorus): Look at me now, high above the tallest mountain. _

_ Won’t let people hurt me at all _

_ Life goes on, you can’t change the outcomes _

_ Sometimes I’m gonna fall. _

_ Oh, the laughter, the heartbreak, the happily ever after stories in my head make me who I am. _

_Who I am. Yeah, oh… who I am.”_ I finished before looking at the man again who stared at me expressionless.

“I’m sorry, what did you say your name was again?” He finally spoke. I was taken aback at his questions for a second, since I was the only one I’d seen so far that had been talked to extra.

“Rey. Rey Blythe.” I repeated my name for him. He jotted something down in his notebook before looking at me again.

“Miss Blythe, if you could stick around backstage for a bit, that would be wonderful. Thank you.” The man then said. The excitement was back. Did this mean I had got the gig? I nodded though and did as I was asked. I grabbed my guitar case, bag and tried not to skip backstage. Once I was out of sight, I could freak out just a little. I think I was getting too hopeful too quickly, but I didn’t care. My mind was racing again about touring and living my dream even if I wasn’t the headliner yet. After me, there were 3 more acts and they were all pretty good. They were okay, but not spectacular. Only myself was asked to wait backstage so I took that as a good sign. Still, to show I was a good sport, I said each of the last three did well which they by all accounts had done. When the last of the three were gone, a stage hand came up to me and said that Mr. Carr; the name of the man behind the desk I gathered, wanted to see me. Excitement took another surge through my veins as I gathered my things and followed the stage hand down to the floor where Mr. Carr was then standing in front of the desk.

“Miss Blythe, I’m Anthony Carr, the manager of Raven Wing. Thank you for waiting around.” He spoke, extending his hand to me as I approached. I shook his hand and smiled, glad to know his identity. It still meant I had a chance!

“Nice to meet you. And it’s no problem. Can I ask why you wanted me to stay?” I asked, trying to not sound overexcited. Mr. Carr looked at me funny for a second before he said

“Miss Blythe, I devoted my life a long time ago to finding musical talent in this world. Raven Wing are my newest clients and quite possibly one of my favourites. I believe you to be extremely talented as well and that’s why I’d like to ask if you’d want to work with Raven Wing.” Mr. Carr explained. Inside I was jumping and dancing around with glee, but on the outside, I fought hard to maintain my composure. I truly thought Mr. Carr was asking me to be the opener!

“Oh absolutely. I would never pass up a chance like this.” I replied with as much decorum as I could manage. Mr. Carr nodded, looking pleased with himself.

“Very well then. I have the papers right here. I need you to sign.” He went on, grabbing a small stack of papers from the table behind him. I was so overjoyed I barely heard a word the man said after that. I just took the papers and signed my name on the dotted line without hesitation. My dreams I thought were truly and finally coming true. When I finished, I handed the papers back to Mr. Carr who then shook my hand again.

“Welcome aboard, Miss Blythe. We leave exactly one week from today.” He informed me. I don’t think my brain had made it that far ahead because I then asked

“Leave for where?”

“Why, London of course. That is where the band resides.” Mr. Carr clarified and the excitement inside me was now through the roof.

“Oh, of course. So, one week from today, alright. I’ll be ready.” I smiled at the man. In parting, he asked for my phone number and address to both contact me and so ‘the car’ would know where to pick me up, as he put it. I gave him what he needed and then headed out. I didn’t get home that night until close to midnight, but I was too jazzed to even sleep. The second I got inside my apartment, I looked around me and gave a shout of delight.

_ “This is where it begins.” _ I thought happily. Little did I know what was coming.


	3. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey quickly realizes everything is not what it seems about her opportunity to go to London. She learns the truth of Raven Wing as of late and just how desperate they are.

Reality sunk in the next morning, but it wasn’t as upsetting as I had thought. I was leaving in one week for London freaking England to work with one of the most successful rock groups and open for them on tour as in touring the _world_. Sure, I was leaving a job I loved and an apartment I adored, but this was my dream. I knew it would come one day, everything I had in LA was only temporary. Needless to say, I was a busy little bee over the next seven days as I packed up as much of my stuff as I was allowed on an airplane, made sure my final rental payment was in the mail for my place and I had to resign from my job at the record shop. My boss was sweet about it though; he knew my job there was only temporary too and he wished me luck in parting. By the time Mr. Carr was supposed to show up a week later, I was completely prepared. I’d even started writing out a set list of songs I wanted to perform. The car arrived for me at promptly eight am. I was already waiting in the lobby, sort of saying my last goodbyes to my home, as cheesy as that sounds. Ready to face a new adventure though, I proudly walked out to the car and put my bags in the trunk with the aid of the driver.

“Good morning.” I said politely to the man.

“Good morning, dear.” He replied in a British accent and I had to smile. I had to keep pinching myself about the fact that before the day was out, I’d be in England! I felt a slight pang of sadness in my heart though as I climbed into the car; because my mom had always talked about taking me to England one day.

_ “I’m doing it for both of us now.” _ I thought with a small smile. Mr. Carr was in the backseat as I closed the door, as well as a woman who looked like she was maybe in her 40’s.

“Good morning.” I repeated my greeting to mainly Mr. Carr.

“Hello, Miss Blythe. It’s wonderful to see you again. This is Jemima Marsh, Raven Wing’s tour manager.” Mr. Carr introduced the woman to me. I smiled and shook her hand.

“Hi.” I greeted, without a second thought. I was fairly quiet for the rest of the ride to the airport, the other two just chatted amongst themselves. Before I even knew it, I was in the air. It was a long flight and I was grateful for my headphones. I don’t know why I wasn’t feeling chatty, you’d think I would have been talking Mr. Carr’s ear off. I guess maybe I was fully coming to terms with what was about to happen. I was stoked, sure but I think maybe my mind was freaking out a little. Anyway, the ten hour flight was definitely like it sounds. It was long, but overall I didn’t mind. By the time we arrived and collected our baggage, it was pretty late there. It was slightly trippy traveling over all those time zones and frankly I wanted to crash on the closest bed available, but excitement took over again once we exited the terminal to the car already waiting for us. I looked over and saw Big Ben all lit up against the night sky and wanted to squeal like a little girl. I was finally in England. I maintained my composure however, and slid into the car after Mr. Carr and Jemima Marsh.

“So how long of a trip is it to…where are we going?” I spoke up after a few minutes on the road.

“It’s not long to the band’s house.” Mr. Carr replied.

“The band’s house?” I clarified.

“Yes, they stay at a lovely estate when they aren’t on tour.” I sat back. I guess it didn’t really compute where I’d be staying, I just envisioned myself on tour in a bus.

“So when do we take off to do shows?” I changed the direction of the conversation a little. That’s when things began to unravel. Mr. Carr and Ms. Marsh shared a look before both staring at me.

“What makes you think you’re doing shows?” Jemima Marsh spoke to me for the first time and I did not care for her tone.

“I-I thought…” I stammered.

“Miss Blythe, that was never our agreement. I thought that was clear.” Mr. Carr tried to explain, but I was still lost. My heart started to beat fast.

“What do you mean? That’s what I showed up for, that’s what I auditioned for!” I said, my voice tight with nerves. What had I done? Suddenly I immensely regretted just skimming the contract I had signed. I may have very well just signed my soul over to these people!

“I apologize for the misunderstanding, Miss Blythe, but the contract you signed clearly stated you were to be Raven Wing’s songwriter, not their opening act.” Mr. Carr went on. My mouth started opening and closing like a fish, in shock. Their songwriter?! That meant everything I wrote automatically belonged to Raven Wing. That wasn’t fair!

“I-I thought I was the opening act.” I muttered weakly, half to myself. I suddenly wasn’t excited anymore. I wanted to get back on the next flight to LA, but where did I have to go? I completely uprooted myself to move to England and play shows on tour with a rock group!

“Stupid!” I lamented to myself.

“I’m sorry, Rey. There’s nothing I can do to help you, you’re legally signed to be our songwriter for a year.” Mr. Carr went on. I sighed. I didn’t know what to say or do next. But then it hit me. Raven Wing was known for penning all of their songs. The songwriting team of the brothers, Jack Cross and Rian Cross stood unmatched to everything except to the Lennon/McCartney partnership in the 60s. Why the hell did they need a songwriter?

“Um… correct me if I’m wrong, but my understanding was that the Cross brothers did all of the song writing for the band. They’re an unmatched duo in this day and age.” I asked, trying to keep my voice as professional sounding as I could, despite the circumstances. Mr. Cross and Ms. Marsh shared another look.

“You’re correct, Miss Blythe. That was the arrangement up until two years ago.” He shared.

“Anthony!” Jemima Marsh shot in a hushed tone.

“If she is going to be with us, she might as well know.” He replied to the woman, who I found rather distasteful. And so the secret came tumbling out. No one had any idea, they had tried hard to keep their secret about the heartthrob quartet.

“Over two years ago, the lead, Jack suffered a large loss that…drastically altered him.” Mr. Carr began, hesitating slightly. I thought to myself. Jack was most everyone’s favourite, he was tall, he had long dark hair and mesmerizing blue eyes. I could see why it would be important to keep his business a secret from the public. But any video I had ever seen, he didn’t seem overly changed.

“Oh really?” I stated.

“Yes. As of two years, he’s been suffering from a drinking problem no one knows how to cure. We’ve tried nearly everything but I don’t think he’ll ever be the same again. He plays shows, he does the interviews and videos, but he can no longer song write for the group. Rian himself wrote the new single, but he can’t do it all on his own.” The explanation continued. I was stunned, of course I had no idea.

“So…I’ll be working with Rian Cross?” I asked.

“That is correct.”

“And I’m replacing Jack…”

“More or less. Until such time as he gets better or…” Mr. Carr trailed off.

“Or…?” I pressed. Jemima Marsh looked about ready to murder Mr. Carr with her stare.

“Or the band breaks up.” He finished and I hid a gasp.

“The truth is that Raven Wing is being held together by crazy glue at this point. I think one more direct hit will just break them up. Jack has really caused divisions.” Suddenly I didn’t feel so cheated. Yes I was stuck in a mess now that I couldn’t get out of for an entire year, but I think I was Raven Wing’s last chance.

“I-I will do what I can.” I finally spoke. I didn’t know if I meant it 100% but the way I saw it was if I didn’t help write these songs, the band that had become so loved and popular the world over would soon implode. That was a lot to place on a girl’s shoulders and I was still quite angry that this wasn’t working out like I had thought and that I had been roped into the madness, but like I said, I had no other choice.

**************************

At long last, we pulled up to a large estate with a gravel driveway. It was an impressive sight, but my insides were all churned up with so many emotions and jet lag that I just really needed to sleep. That didn’t seem likely right then though, because Mr. Carr insisted I meet the band before getting settled. I wasn’t overly sure that was a great idea – given my state – plus, I was kind of scared to meet Jack Cross now, having learned of his drinking issue and overhearing Mr. Carr say something about a temper as well. We walked in the front door and Ms. Marsh hit the lights, illuminating the whole foyer. I shifted my bag’s weight on my shoulder and looked around. The inside of the home was impressive also.

“Wouldn’t they all be asleep? I don’t need to bother them with my presence if it will wake them up.” I spoke, nerves evident in my voice for the first time since I’d been with those two.

“Oh I doubt they’re asleep.” Ms. Marsh replied in her snippy tone I was getting real sick of before she whistled sharply through her fingers and shouted

“Get down here!” I tried not to look so annoyed at that woman as Mr. Carr led me to what was the prettiest living room I had ever seen.

“Have a seat. They won’t be long.” He told me. I did as I was asked and set my bag on my lap. Moments later, the first of them appeared. Ms. Marsh had been right, none of them looked like they had been asleep. I saw Cameron Hartfield, then Chris Norton and Rian Cross all come into the room, glance my way and smile. I did feel slightly giddy at that, but then Jack Cross made his entrance. The man looked half in the bag as he stumbled into the living room, his dark hair all disheveled. I tried to not look horrified, but it wouldn’t have mattered anyway. He didn’t seem to even realize I was present as he flopped down on an armchair. Jemima Marsh came in behind, and she looked more intense than usual. It matched her attitude.

“Lads,” Mr. Carr started.

“This is Rey Blythe. She’s from Los Angeles California in America.” Mr. Carr said to his clients. ¾’s of them looked thrilled.

“Welcome to London.” Rian Cross was the first to speak in a lovely London accent. I cleared my throat.

“Um…thank you. It’s nice to be here.” I said and it sounded weird for some reason.

“Are you here to write songs?” Cameron Hartfield asked, half of me, and half of Mr. Carr.

“Yes, she’s here to help put out the new album as soon as possible.” The elder man explained. That was new information to me, but I was too tired to care. Well the feeling was unanimous with the group, all except Jack who looked the same. My mouth kind of felt dry suddenly. Mr. Carr must have noticed I was either tired, overwhelmed or both, because he walked over to me and said

“Would you care to turn in, now?” I just nodded my head inaudibly. I figured that would be it after that, but it wasn’t. Why? Because Jack Cross, the man I admired so much as a songwriter and guitarist, in his drunken haze decided to finally realize a woman was in his living room.

“Hey!” He barked as I stood.

“Who are you?” He demanded. The other three guys suddenly looked rather uncomfortable and I was feeling as such, but I stood my ground anyway.

“I-I’m Rey Blythe. I’m here to help with music.” I said, rather lamely. He sat up straight, though he didn’t look normal by any means.

“Why?” He asked in the same demanding tone. My eyes wandered to Rian who looked at me with an expression that said

_ “I’m so sorry.” _ I suddenly wondered what exactly had happened to Jack that made him such a wreck, but it wasn’t the time or place.

“Um…your manager said you guys needed help. So here I am.” I answered, nervously tucking hair behind my ear. He silenced after that and so I bid everyone a quick goodnight and followed Mr. Carr out of the room.

“Woah! Check out the ass on her!” Jack then shouted. Well that was it, I was so done I just quickened my pace and marched up the stairs. I had tried to be open and accepting to this new situation, and I was slightly excited still to work with the band, but this was too much. Knowing that the lead singer and biggest name in rock music was such a mess and a drunk changed everything. I’m sure I would have felt the same if the opening act idea still stood, but this was… I didn’t even know what to do. I couldn’t leave, I was stuck in England now!

_ “I can’t do this. I can’t work for these people. All my songs are going to be theirs…” _ I thought miserably as I reached the top of the stairs. Mr. Carr led me down the hall, through a few doors until he stopped in front of another door I assumed to be my room. For the first time since meeting him, he looked at me with almost pity.

“I’m sorry this isn’t what you envisioned, Rey.” He told me. I bit my lip and tried not to burst out crying like a little girl.

“I uh…I’ll be fine. I just need some sleep.” I lied. He nodded.

“I’ll let you get settled then. Goodnight, Ms. Blythe.” Mr. Carr put on his authoritative voice again. I had to smile a tiny bit at that, but it didn’t make me feel any better.

“Goodnight.” I replied, before he left and I dragged myself inside the room. The room itself was rather beautiful, it was very large with light grey walls and a lovely queen sized bed, dresser, night table, carpeted floors, there was a large armchair in one corner and a large TV. There was even and adjoining bathroom with a walk in shower and a Jacuzzi bathtub. It was like my own little apartment, minus a kitchen.

_ “I could just stay holed up here for a year.” _ I thought sarcastically.

“It could work, just sneak down for food in the middle of the night and no one would ever see me.” But of course that wasn’t healthy by any means.

“Just sleep. Things will be better in the morning.” I said silently to myself as I rummaged through my bag for fresh clothes to sleep in. I changed into black cotton shorts and a grey sweater. I let my hair down out of it’s braids and it came past my shoulders in waves. I didn’t even bother to take off my makeup, I just collapsed into bed and that was it.

***************************

When I finally surfaced the next day, it was well after noon. I woke up and sunlight was streaming through the blinds covering the window.

_ “Man, jet lag kicks you right in the ass doesn’t it?” _ I thought as I stretched my arms over my head and sat on the edge of the bed, trying to get my bearings about me. As my mind woke up, I realized fully just where I was and what was going to be expected of me for the next twelve months. Suddenly I just wanted to go back to sleep and never wake up. I didn’t though, I forced myself up and over to the bathroom where I regarded myself in the mirror. My makeup was smudged all over my eyes and I looked a lot like a disheveled raccoon. It sort of matched my mood, but I knew I couldn’t leave the room looking like something that had crawled out of the gutter.

_ “This is my life now. Writing songs for rich British guys whose lead singer is too drunk to write them.” _ I thought, miserable as I felt. Like I said, I knew I had no other choice. Naïve little Rey Blythe took the dumb ass move of not reading the fine print! I cleaned up my face and stomped over to the shower where I cranked the water heat and just stood under the scalding stream for what seemed like ages. When I finally got out and dried off, I changed into a pair of clean jeans and a Pink Floyd t shirt. My long dark hair I left down and as I did my makeup, I turned on some music. I was trying to stay in my room for as long as I possibly could. After I was done in the bathroom, I made my bed and my luggage had somehow made it to the room; I assume while I was in the shower, so I unpacked everything and stocked up the dresser and closet. I unpacked my 2 guitars and made sure they weren’t harmed by the journey and almost 2 hours had passed before I finally had to leave the room. I was hungry. By then, it was nearly 3pm and I knew I had slept most of the day away, but you try being on a plane for ten hours! I sighed begrudgingly as I made myself leave, glancing at myself in the mirror before I did so. I tried to walk slowly down the big staircase, but my stomach was protesting quite a bit. When I reached the bottom, I didn’t quite know where to go. The house definitely looked different during the day. I made a left at the bottom of the stairs and after getting kind of turned around, I finally found the kitchen. It was large, like everything else seemed to be in this place. At first, I was a little apprehensive about taking food, but then I remembered that I did live there now. Besides, I was too hungry to care. I cracked open the fridge to find it well stocked with everything one could possibly imagine. I was a girl of simple means, so I decided to just make myself a sandwich. I didn’t hear anyone else around and wondered if maybe I was the only one home. Of course it was a massive estate so I was most likely wrong. Regardless, I started to relax a little as I constructed my sandwich. But unexpectedly I heard

“Finally surfaced, have you?”

“Jesus!” I exclaimed, nearly jumping out of my skin and whirling around to face Rian Cross in the doorway. He smiled sheepishly.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” He apologized, coming further into the room. I didn’t fully realize just how tall Rian was. My heart started beating heavily against my rib cage. He was very attractive, they all were.

“No…it’s okay, I was just hungry.” I sounded like a total doofus.

“Oh yeah, well help yourself then. You live here now, so just make yourself…at home I guess.” Rian started getting flustered. I laughed lightly, starting to relax again. It was weird, I didn’t completely go gaga over Rian or any of the others like I know half the people I knew back in LA probably would. We fell silent after, I just finished my sandwich and was going to take it back upstairs, but something told me Rian wanted to chat.

“Listen, um…I’m sorry for my brother. I might as well just say that to you up front.” Rian spoke as I dove into my food, just standing there at the counter.

“Jack…yeah I heard about his…problem.” I replied, not quite sure how to approach the issue. Rian sighed and looked troubled for a moment before regaining his composure and shaking the dark hair from his matching eyes.

“Yeah, well I’m looking forward to working with you. From what I hear, you’re pretty damn good.” He changed the subject slightly.

“Oh well… I’ve just been at this a while.” I was quite flattered by the compliment.

“Actually…uh, no one is home but Jack and I and God knows he won’t show his face down here anytime soon, did you want to show me what you can do?” Rian asked. Without context, that sounded like one hell of a proposition and I think he realized that a few seconds after because he reddened slightly and added

“Music wise, I mean…” I laughed again.

“I knew what you meant. But sure, let me grab my guitar.” I agreed, in hopes maybe playing would ease my tension.

“Great, I’ll wait for you. We can go to the recording studio in the basement.” He smiled.

“There’s a recording studio here?” I asked as we headed back toward the staircase. That was awesome!

“Yeah, well not a full one, we still have to go out to record for albums, but it’s great for roughing out songs and just playing.” He told me. Still, awesome!

“Well that sounds amazing. I’ll be right back then.” I took off up the stairs and followed my memory back to my room where I grabbed my electric and headed back toward the stairs. I had made it to England and while I still wasn’t happy about everything, the thought of playing for Rian Cross made me feel a little better, slightly excited even. I thought maybe this wouldn’t be so awful after all.


	4. Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey auditions for the other Cross brother, Rian and he sees just how talented she is. Rey also meets Jack for the first time since her initial arrival when he was too drunk to even notice who she was or why she was there.

I tried to not get too excited about seeing a bunch of recording equipment in the place I was living. When I rejoined Rian at the bottom of the stairs, he seemed eager though.

“Ready?” He asked. I merely nodded in reply and let him take the lead. We walked through several halls until we came to a door with a staircase on the other end.

_ “Damn, I’m gonna have to really figure this house out.” _ I thought, because I had no idea where I was.

“We had this all installed about three years ago. It’s top of the line.” Rian interrupted my thoughts as he hit the lights going down the stairs and walked down ahead of me. I followed and when I reached the bottom, I hid a gasp of awe. It was beautiful! I walked over to the controls, just lightly brushing my hands against all the buttons.

“Impressed?” Rian gave me a sideways glance and half smile.

“Wow…just wow.” Was all I could say. I was most definitely impressed.

“Do you wanna get in there now?” He asked.

“Sure…so is this like my audition for you or something?” I asked curiously as my eyes continued roving the entire downstairs. Rian chuckled at that.

“Oh no, you’ve already got the job, I just figured I’d better know what I’m up against if we’re going to be working together.” He answered truthfully. I nodded at him, that seemed fair.

“Oh, yeah. That makes sense.” I answered as I made my way over to the sound booth. Before I went inside, I reached into my jeans pocket and pulled out a well worn iPod I used for auditions.

“Here. Pick anything.” I tossed the device to Rian who deftly caught it. Inside the sound booth, I opened up my guitar case and brought out my electric. I swung the strap over my shoulder and put on the earphones, also making sure the microphones were on. I’d only been in a recording studio once in my life, when I was young, but most of the equipment was pretty self explanatory.

“Ready in there?” I heard Rian through my headset.

“Ready when you are.” I answered. Moments later, the guitar backing track started and I recognized it as a song by a female guitarist called Orianthi. Playing with a backing track was just like having a full band arrangement around you, minus the guitar and vocals which I provided on my own. Rian had definitely chosen a difficult one, but it wasn’t anything I hadn’t played before. The music just came to me and I started playing.

_ “You're too loud, I'm so hyper _

_ On paper we're a disaster _

_ And I'm driving, you crazy _

_ It's my little game _

_ I push you, and you push back _

_ Two opposites so alike that _

_ Every day’s a roller coaster _

_ But I'm a bump you'll never get over _

__

_ This love hate relationship _

_ You say you can't handle it _

_ But there's no way to stop this now _

_ So shut up and kiss me _

_ Kick scream call it quits _

_ But you're just so full of it _

_ Cause it's too late, to close your mouth _

_ So shut up and kiss me.”  _ I sang. I couldn’t see Rian on the other side of the glass, but I liked to think he was impressed.

_ “So shut up! So shut up! _

_ I call you and you pick up _

_ I tell you how much I'm in love _

_ I'm laughing and you get mad _

_ It's my little game _

_ Go ahead now, admit it _

_ You like your world with me in it _

_ Like a record, it's broken _

_ Yeah, I'm a bump you'll never get over _

_ This love hate relationship _

_ You say you can't handle it _

_ But there's no way to stop this now _

_ So shut up and kiss me _

_ Kick, scream and call it quits _

_ But you're just so full of it _

_ Cause it's too late, to close your mouth _

_ So shut up and kiss me _

_ You miss my lips, my kiss, my laugh _

_ The riffs on my guitar _

_ The way we fight, we make up fast _

_ Oh yeaaaah _

_ So shut up! _

_ Love, hate, love, hate, love, hate! _

_ Cause it's a love hate relationship _

_ You say you can't handle it _

_ But there's no way to stop this now _

_ So shut up and kiss me _

_ Kick, scream call it quits _

_ But you're just so freakin' full of it _

_ Cause it's too late, to shut your mouth _

_ Shut up and kiss me _

_ So shut up! _

_ Shut up and kiss me…” _

__

I finished and removed the headset and guitar before going out to see Rian. The look on his face was pure astonishment.

“So…yeah, that’s me.” I said rather dumbly. He faced me and shook his head in awe.

“Wow…what the hell are you doing as a songwriter? You should be playing sold out shows somewhere.” He complimented. I bit my lip. Obviously he hadn’t been told about the snafu.

“Well… I was supposed to be.” I answered, sinking into one of the chairs there.

“What do you mean?”

“When I auditioned for your manager back in LA, the audition was for you guys’ opening act on tour. When I signed the contract, I thought that’s what I was supposed to be doing here, until I was told I was just the songwriter when I actually got to London.” I divulged. Rian looked pretty taken aback to hear that.

“So…you weren’t supposed to write songs for us?” He asked.

“According to your manager, that’s all I’m supposed to do. I just had a different understanding.”

“That…that’s not right, I mean contract or no contract, he took advantage of you.” Rian said, folding his arms. I raised my hand to calm him down, I didn’t need to rope him into my own issues.

“It’s not a big deal.” I lied.

“You guys need the help.”

“Rey…you don’t have to do this if it’s not what you want to do.” He said rather pointedly. I sighed.

“It’s not, but I’m not going to start a fight I know I can’t win. Besides, you guys need me. I know Jack isn’t writing with you anymore.” Rian cast his eyes downwards at the mention of his older brother. He sank into the chair across from me and leaned forward, resting his arms on his legs.

“So Anthony told you that too.” He stated. I nodded.

“I’m sorry, it must be rough for you to see him like he is. I mean I just saw him last night and he didn’t look that great.”

“That’s not his worst, you’re lucky you haven’t seen that yet.” He muttered. I felt bad for Rian, but I was also rather curious.

“So… what happened to him? He couldn’t have always been this way, I mean you two are… or were the best song writing duo out there.” I had to ask. Rian looked away again and I wondered if I had crossed a line by asking. He actually looked ready to speak after a minute or so until we were interrupted by

“Rian? Mate, you down there?” from the top of the stairs.

“Yeah Cam, come down.” Rian called back. Cameron Hartfield came down the stairs – he was also tall with brown hair that was curly and sort of long. He looked like he’d just come in from outdoors.

“Oh hey. It’s Rey right?” Cameron greeted me. I nodded.

“Yep. Nice to see you again.” I replied politely.

“You seen Chris at all today?” Cameron asked Rian.

“Just this morning, he was spending the day with Natalie, I think.” Rian responded. I just sat there, pretending I knew what they were talking about. I wasn’t the type of fan that dove right into band members’ personal lives, but I assumed Natalie was Chris Norton’s girlfriend or something.

“Oh… I wanted to go out tonight, there’s this new club uptown.” Cameron said. I was puzzled. Why didn’t he just go with Rian?

“Sorry man.” Was all Rian said and I was gonna speak up, but Cameron just muttered something under his breath that I didn’t quite catch and left.

“I’m sorry… couldn’t you have gone with him?” I voiced my thoughts.

“Nah, I don’t go out much these days.” He answered.

“Why? Because of Jack?” I felt I was pushing boundaries, but for some reason couldn’t stop talking.

“I guess so.” To my surprise he actually answered such a personal question. Of course I was expecting to get shot down, because now I had no idea what to say.

“Oh. I’m sorry.” I finally did say, feeling sort of dumb. Rian just gave me a half smile.

“Don’t be. It is what it is. Anyway, you can hang down here as long as you want but… I should go.” Rian sounded pretty subdued.

“Oh, alright. Thanks.” And he was gone. I sat there for a while thinking to myself. Obviously the way Jack was had been pulling apart the band. Cameron seemed irritated, Rian somehow felt that Jack was his responsibility… I hadn’t seen much of Chris as of yet, but I had no doubt he felt similar.

_ “They were right, this band is being barely held together.” _ I thought. I’d made my decision though, as stupid as I probably was for just going along with what I was more or less swindled into doing, I knew they needed me, they needed help. After talking to Rian I knew it was the right thing to do. For now though, I was left alone again in a beautiful recording studio. I sort of felt blue myself though, just feeling bad for poor Rian. He had seemed to happy and then his mood had flipped on a dime. I walked back to the sound booth and just sat on the floor with my guitar still hooked up to the amp. I turned the volume down and started strumming aimless chords until they fell into a song.

_ “My ship went down _

_ In a sea of sound. _

_ When I woke up alone I had everything: _

_ A handful of moments I wished I could change _

_ And a tongue like a nightmare that cut like a blade. _

_ In a city of fools, _

_ I was careful and cool, _

_ But they tore me apart like a hurricane... _

_ A handful of moments I wished I could change _

_ But I was carried away. _

_ Give me therapy. _

_ I'm a walking travesty _

_ But I'm smiling at everything. _

_ Therapy... _

_ You were never a friend to me _

_ And you can keep all your misery. _

_ My lungs gave out _

_ As I faced the crowd. _

_ I think that keeping this up could be dangerous. _

_ I'm flesh and bone, _

_ I'm a rolling stone _

_ And the experts say I'm delirious. _

_ Give me therapy. _

_ I'm a walking travesty _

_ But I'm smiling at everything. _

_ Therapy... _

_ You were never a friend to me _

_ And you can take back your misery. _

_ Arrogant boy, _

_ Love yourself so no one has to. _

_ They're better off without you. _

_ Arrogant boy, _

_ Cause a scene like you're supposed to. _

_ They'll fall asleep without you. _

_ You're lucky if your memory remains. _

_ Give me therapy. _

_ I'm a walking travesty _

_ But I'm smiling at everything. _

_ Therapy... _

_ You were never a friend to me _

_ And you can take back your misery. _

_ Therapy... _

_ I'm a walking travesty _

_ But I'm smiling at everything. _

_ Therapy... _

_ You were never a friend to me _

_ And you can choke on your misery…” _

__

*******************************

Before I even knew it, one whole week had passed with me living in London England under the same roof as Raven Wing. Sometimes I had to pinch myself to see if this was all one crazy dream, but this was it. I was here. I still hated my situation just a little, but I tried to see the good in it. Beginning the very next day after Rian had shown me the recording studio in the basement, we started working together and it was great. I already really liked Rian; he was sweet and down to earth. He seemed better from his sudden mood change the day before, for which I was glad. A lot of the first week was spent talking, jotting down ideas and working out chord structures. Needless to say, my days were filled. I rose early and went to bed late, but I was okay with that as long as I was keeping busy. Cameron and Chris joined us a few times, but it was mainly just Rian and I. Where was Jack through all this? Well he never showed his face the entire first week. I was pretty okay with that from my standpoint. I understood he had an issue and though I never bothered asking Rian again about it, I still wondered what had turned him into that. I was sort of wishing I could talk to him about his playing techniques; as he was a phenomenal guitarist, but I was still quite put off by him. Anyway, a week into my stay, I was starting to fall into my new routine. The morning that marked the first whole week into my stay, I woke up before the sun. I had a lot to do again that day and dawdling wasn’t going to make it happen any faster. After showering and getting dressed, I made my way down to the kitchen to grab something to eat. Rian and I had this sort of contest of who could make it downstairs first and I had beaten him the last three days in a row. Wanting to keep my streak up, I barrelled down the stairs a little after seven. When I got to the kitchen, it appeared that Rian had beat me, for there was a tall figure in the dark kitchen, he hadn’t turned the lights on. Feeling silly, I hit the light switch, illuminating the entire room.

“Had to end my reign of terror, did ya?” I said, suppressing a laugh. It was met by the figure cringing and whirling around with angry eyes. It was Jack!

“What the hell?!” He yelled at me.

“Oh my God…I’m sorry, I thought you were Rian.” I spluttered, taken aback. I nervously turned the lights off and planned to leave.

“Well I’m obviously not… God, who are you?” He shot at me, the both of us just standing there in the dark. I was puzzled for a moment but then realized he probably genuinely didn’t remember who I was.

“I-I’m Rey. Rey Blythe. I’m the songwriter.” I told him, still nervous. I couldn’t see the expression on his face, but I got a vibe that it wasn’t exactly pleased. After all, I was his replacement.

“So Anthony did it… God…” He muttered to himself.

“I um… I’m sorry.” I didn’t know why I said that.

“Oh what do you care? Where are you even from?” I didn’t like his tone, but I knew he was probably massively hungover.

“I’m from California. LA.” I answered simply, kind of silently wishing Rian would show up and bail me out. Jack was silent for a few moments before turning and slamming his fists on the counter and swearing loudly. It was then that Rian showed up behind me and nearly scared the living daylights out of me. He touched my shoulder and I jumped.

“Shh, it’s just me. Go downstairs.” Rian whispered and I obeyed without a second thought. I left and started heading toward the basement which I actually knew where it was by then, but I stopped when I could still hear what was going on in the kitchen. I ducked behind a wall and listened.

“Hey, it’s me.” I heard Rian say. There was silence before Jack finally answered.

“Why is she here?” His voice sounded pained.

“It was Anthony. He hired her to write songs for us.”

“I thought he was lying about that…we don’t need her.” Jack sounded angry again.

“We do, Jack. We do.” Was Rian’s calm reply. Silence came again and I was going to leave, when Jack spoke again.

“This is my fault, isn’t it?” His voice was pained again.

“No, it’s not your fault.”

“Don’t lie, you know it is…” I still hung around, but they lowered their voices after that, so I had to leave. I was left wondering though. The curiosity was overwhelming. Of course I didn’t want to stick my nose where it didn’t belong, but I just had to know. I was still afraid of Jack a little, and I didn’t like his short temper at all, but I think I pitied him now more than anything. He was clearly torn up over the new arrangement, but the question still stood, what had caused him to become like that? Regardless of my biting curiosity, I did go downstairs and wait for Rian. I figured when I left that the conversation between them was pretty much wrapped up, but he was gone for at least another half hour. I tried to keep myself busy, but I was getting a little bored after a while. It didn’t help too, that my mind kept wandering over the many various possibilities of why Jack Cross was such a mess and how everyone and their uncle didn’t know about it. Finally, just as I was thinking of getting up and seeing what happened to Rian, he finally came down with two mugs of coffee and some sort of pastry.

“Hey, there you are.” I smiled at him as he approached. I took my share of breakfast from him to ease his load.

“Yeah, I’m sorry I took so long.” He answered. I set the food down on the tabletop, as did he and I just shrugged.

“No worries, I kept busy.” I fibbed. What happened next completely shocked me; Rian grabbed me in a bear hug.

“Woah, okay…” I exclaimed, rather confused. He let go of me after a few moments, but I was no less puzzled.

“Thank you.” Rian almost looked like he could cry! What was going on? I have a run in with his drunk/hungover older brother and he thanks me?

“For…” I was still lost.

“For coming here. I think Jack might be coming around.” Rian must have noticed my ‘I have no idea what you’re talking about’ face.

“Let me explain… um, see he never thought Anthony would actually find a replacement for him, he would threaten Jack for months on end that if he didn’t get the job done, he’d be yesterday’s news. He got the job done for a while, but recently had sunken to a new low…which is why you were hired, as mistaken as that was. I can’t write on my own, it takes two of us and Jack was the best partner I ever had. Now he knows he has been replaced and now he wants to change, Rey.” Rian explained.

“Change?” I asked.

“Yeah, get better. Quit drinking, take hold of his problems. It’s been a really rough couple of years, but I think things might be turning around here. All because you showed up.” And in the first week? Apparently. There was so much I didn’t know about these guys but the truth was that things hadn’t been smooth sailing for a while. Had I just saved the band within my first week? It didn’t seem likely. Besides, what sounded to Rian like his brother truly wanted to make strides to recover from his issues sounded to me like he was just pissed some American chick had come overseas to take his job and he wanted it back. Jack still wasn’t my favourite person in the world, but I wasn’t going to let my views of him damper Rian’s clear joy over the idea that he could be getting his brother back. All remained to be seen if he would.

*************************

The day went pretty fast and we got a lot done again, for which I was glad, but the end of our session wasn’t so great. For me anyway. We were wrapping up for the day when heavy footfalls came down the stairs. I wasn’t overly paying attention, I was jotting down some chords in my notebook. Rian, to my left, stood though.

“Jack… what are you doing down here?” He asked and my body froze. I had a bad feeling about this.

“I want my job back.” He responded, his voice full of bitterness. At least he didn’t sound wasted. He still could have been, but I didn’t care much.

“Jack, just take it easy. Rey has been doing a lovely job here.” I stayed in my position, just waiting for a reaction.

“I don’t give a  shit! She doesn’t belong here! You’d really rather work with some Yank than your own brother?!” Jack yelled.

_ “There it is.” _ I thought, feeling targeted.

“You know it wasn’t my choice.” Rian was trying to stay calm. I quietly closed my notebook and put it in my bag. I was going to head back upstairs without a word. As I rose though, Jack caught movement from the corner of his eye and turned on me.

“So what’s the deal with you anyway? Did you get offered a lot of money? Did Anthony promise you fame and fortune? What is it? Are you sleeping with him?!” Jack yelled, jamming a finger in his brother’s direction. I flinched. I hated when people yelled. But what was worse was I usually yelled right back. And that’s what I did. Hatred for him bubbled in my gut.

“Listen buddy, your manager hired me to write songs because he told me what a peach you were! Without me here working my ass off every day to put an album together, your little band would be long gone! So no, I’m not doing this for money or sex or any of that crap. I’m doing this because I actually cared about this band and wanted to help! And for the record, I thought I was going to be something so much greater than a songwriter, but life sucks, doesn’t it? I guess you wouldn’t know any different though, with you being plastered and all. You wanna know who to blame for all of this? Take a good look in the mirror.” Once I was out of steam, I didn’t stick around. Jack didn’t speak either, he just sort of murderously stared at me. I didn’t dare to look at Rian, I hadn’t gotten that angry in a long time, but I didn’t appreciate having someone rip into me like that. I just silently took my leave, running up the stairs and not stopping until I made it all the way up to my room. I slammed the door hard and then the tears came. I wasn’t an easy crier, something really had to upset me, which it had. I mean on it’s own, Jack yelling at me I probably could handle without running away and crying like a child, but it was a culmination. Frustration still, from my situation, I suppose a little homesickness and I think I was lonely. I was a lone wolf anyway, but that was on my home turf. Here, I was thousands of miles away from home with no one who knew me or even heard of me. So I guess Jack blowing up at me had been the final straw. I kicked off my shoes and sort of just fell onto my bed. I stayed there crying for a while, just curled into the fetal position, before I forced myself to stop being such a baby. My makeup was a mess, so I went into the bathroom to fix that. The tears had gone, but I was still miserable. What did I do when I was miserable? Put on my headphones and crank the volume until I could feel nothing. It was a perfect solution. As I went back to my bed though and turned on my music, I couldn’t help but keep replaying what Jack had said, in my head. I knew I shouldn’t let it get to me, but it was.

_ “Just forget him.” _ I thought. The volume went higher.


	5. Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey meets Ally, Rian's girlfriend and ends up taking baby steps toward getting Jack to trust her enough to talk.

I stayed in my room for hours, listening to music, cruising social media on my laptop and just trying to cool down. I didn’t really realize how late it had gotten until I noticed the time on my laptop. It was 11:30 at night! I also realized I had never eaten anything for dinner. I wasn’t overly hungry, but I knew I would be. I didn’t want to leave my room, but I kind of just hoped that it was late enough that no one would be downstairs. There was one way to find out. I took off my headphones and just took my phone downstairs, using the flashlight on it. All the lights were out, which was a good sign. I began to wonder if maybe Rian had come by to try and talk to me. I felt bad for what I had said with him standing there, but there was nothing I could do about it now. I made my way to the kitchen once I got downstairs and tried to keep myself calm. I didn’t exactly know what I would do if one of the guys popped up; more specifically Rian or worse, Jack. It seemed clear down there, so I started relaxing once I got to the massive kitchen. I opened the fridge to see the remains of what appeared to be a roast dinner. I was fine with leftovers, so I just loaded up a plate and shoved it into the microwave for a few minutes. While I waited, I just absentmindedly checked my Facebook feed. I didn’t even notice someone had come into the kitchen until the fridge door opened again. I jumped, expecting to maybe be yelled at again, but to my surprise, it was a girl. She was about my age too. She was blonde and wearing nothing but an oversized t shirt. She noticed me standing off to the side.

“Oh hi, you must be Rey. Rian’s told me so much about you.” The girl said with a big smile.

“Hi…” I replied, puzzled as to who she was. She closed the fridge door and hit a light switch next to it that turned on only a few lights.

“I’m sorry, who are you?” I had to ask. It may have sounded a little rude, but oh well.

“Oh…sorry, I’m Ally. Ally Heston, Rian’s girlfriend?” She introduced herself, shaking my hand. I was taken aback a little, I didn’t know Rian had a girlfriend. I felt my heart deflate a little too, because I had developed a tiny crush on him.

“Oh…alright. Well it’s nice to meet you.” I replied nicely as the microwave dinged. I went to grab my food and just sat down at the island in the middle of the kitchen. I kind of expected Ally Heston to leave, but she just went back to the fridge and poured herself a glass of milk before joining me.

“So how are you liking England so far?” She asked me. It was then I realized that she was most definitely wearing a guy’s shirt, it had to be Rian’s. I put two and two together and tried to fight off a blush. Ally had ‘stayed over’. I cleared my throat though and pushed forward.

“It’s alright. I haven’t seen much of it yet.” I replied.

“Well we’ll have to rectify that. You’ve been too busy working I guess. Rian tells me you’re quite the musician.” Ally was definitely a bubbly one.

“Yeah I’ve been busy.” I wasn’t feeling overly conversational, but that didn’t deter her any.

“So… Rian told me what happened today with Jack.” She got my attention with that. While I didn’t totally appreciate Rian telling his girlfriend all of my business, I let it slide.

“Did he?” I asked, trying to seem disinterested. I didn’t want to discuss my personal problem with Jack with this strange, but I wondered if she knew more about his situation. It seemed only fair that I know why he was such an ass. Then I could judge him.

“Yeah, I think you two got off on the wrong foot. He hasn’t exactly been… good with people lately.” Ally was defending him by the sounds of it.

“So I’ve noticed.” I mumbled as I ate.

“You don’t know why though.” Ally stated. I looked up.

“Do you?”

“Yeah. Not many know because well… it’s a pretty sensitive subject and I don’t think their manager wanted it out to the public.”

“Well I won’t tell anybody. I’d just like to know why he’s drunk and kind of a jerk. I hear he’s been like that for a few years now. It’s why I was brought in, I guess.” I focused my attention on Ally then, relieved I was finally getting some answers.

“Well… it involved a girl, she and Jack were together for like, three years, I think. But um…well she wasn’t well but Jack loved her, he lived for her. I think they probably would have gotten married…” Ally trailed off.

“Yeah?” I pressed.

“Anyway, she died two years ago. Jack was a changed man after that and that’s when the drinking started. I think he didn’t know how to deal with the grief. I still don’t think he does.” Ally finished. I sat back. It did make sense. When my parents died, I quit music. That was my grief process. Of course it was less destructive than drinking. The pity that I’d felt for Jack earlier that day when I overheard him and Rian talking suddenly returned. That would explain his behavior as well. Plus it didn’t help he thought I was replacing him for good. The truth was, he was one hot mess. It was all his fault that the band was crumbling apart, and that I was brought in to try and save their music but I couldn’t blame him for why it was his fault. He had suffered a loss and a great one by the sounds of it.

“Wow… um thank you for telling me, I had no idea.” I told the girl.

“No problem. Everyone still has hope he might come around…someday.” Ally mused, half to herself.

“I uh, heard Rian mention that he thought Jack was ready to turn around. There was an incident early in the morning. I guess he fully realized I was his replacement.” I said, not going into much detail though. Ally brightened at that.

“Are you serious? Rian didn’t tell me that. What do you think made him want to get better?”

“I think it was honestly the thought of some stranger taking over for him. I wouldn’t make a big deal about it, he was most likely just trying to mark his territory. I don’t think he likes me very much, aside from his issues.” I explained.

“Ah. Well you know, I wouldn’t give up on him yet. He really is…well was a great guy. I miss the old him. We all do.” Ally lowered her voice.

“Yeah… so um, how long have you and Rian…” I trailed off.

“Known one another for ten years; I basically grew up with him and Jack. We’ve been a couple for three and a half years now. How about you? Got anyone special back where you’re from?” I shook my head no.

“Just me.” I answered.

“No family, friends even?” I shrugged.

“Some acquaintances sure, but no family. I’ve uh…been on my own since I was seventeen.” I chose to tell Ally, which was odd considering no one else over here knew. Ally’s eyes widened.

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry, that must have been awful.” She gushed with sympathy. I shrugged again.

“It’s life. I survived.” I simply stated.

“Still, you poor thing. All on your own. How about I be your new friend? I bet you could use a girl friend in amongst all these guys.” Ally offered. I was going to say it was okay, but maybe having a gal pal wouldn’t be the worst thing. She was nice, a little peppy but I didn’t mind too much in hindsight. Besides, she’d known half the band since they were young, so maybe she’d give me the edge I needed to make myself fit in with all of this.

************************

I didn’t stay very long after that, I was getting quite tired. I bid Ally a goodnight and also thanked her for giving me a little insight at least, into Jack Cross. As I marched back up the stairs, my mind began wandering. I knew exactly how it felt to lose a loved one. It made me begin to wonder if that warranted an attempt to talk to Jack seriously about his situation. We had a similarity after all.

_ “But he’s an ass.” _ I thought. True as that was, grief was behind it all; veiled by the shade of alcohol. I knew what I was like when my parents died, I closed myself off from the inside until I could feel nothing but numbness. Music brought back better times and I couldn’t touch any of my instruments, listen to any sort of song… I was broken. There were times I wanted to die just to be with my mom and dad again. They were indeed dark days and it did take me years to find myself again. Jack was still stuck in that period it seemed. I tried to push it all out of my mind as I reached the top of the stairs. I just planned to call it a night, but at the end of the hallway, out toward the balcony overlooking the back of the estate, the door was wide open. Puzzled, I went to go close it. I didn’t recall it being open when I had left. As I approached the door though, I noticed someone was on the balcony, leaned over and their arms resting on the stone railing.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know anybody was out here.” I said, sort of surprised. I had no idea who it was at first, but when the person turned, my heart skipped a beat. It was Jack, but he didn’t appear drunk.

“Rey…” He said my name in a low monotone voice.

“Yeah, hi. Um… are you gonna stay out here, because I’ll close the door then.” I said, mentally facepalming at how stupid I sounded.

“Uh, yeah…but could you stay?” I was baffled at his request. Even more baffled by the fact he wasn’t wasted.

“Sure…” I answered, still wary. Everything that had been swirling through my mind only minutes before returned. I closed the door behind me and stepped into the chilly air. I leaned over the railing too, eyes forward, not entirely sure how to proceed.

“I…wanted to apologize.” Jack spoke after moments of silence. His tone stayed low and lifeless, but he most definitely was sober. I turned to look at him.

“Apologize?” I pretended I’d forgotten.

“For what I said earlier today. I… was out of line.” I blinked a few times, just registering what he’d said.

“Um… don’t worry about it. I get that it wasn’t easy seeing some girl from California come all this way just to do your job. But believe me, this wasn’t my idea either.” I started getting a little comfortable.

“So Rian tells me. Old Tony can be shifty sometimes. I think he did it just to spite me… but anyway, I’m sorry for treating you like dirt. From what I hear, you’re a damn fine musician.” Was this actually happening?

_ “Just be cool.” _ I thought.

“It’s okay, Jack. I’d just sooner forget about it.” I replied truthfully. He just sighed and turned back to face the darkness beyond us. Silence fell again and I was going to leave it at that before he started talking again.

“I want to do better, you know.”

“I’m sorry?” I asked.

“I want to stop…drinking, ruining my life…” He bowed his head over the railing.

“Well wanting to get better is the first step.” I wasn’t overly experienced with alcoholism, but I assumed that was the right thing to say.

“I haven’t touched a drop since screaming my bloody head off at you…but it’s hard, like…it’s all I’ve known for too long.” He seemed to be opening up to me, so I just let him.

“Still, it’s never too late to change.”

“I can’t…it makes me forget about…” He trailed off. The alcohol had made him this arrogant jerk, but take it away and he was just this worn, broken shell of a man. It was sort of eerie, but now I knew the story, I wanted to help.

“Your late girlfriend?” I asked. I probably shouldn’t have mentioned it. His head shot up and he stared at me.

“How do you know?” He demanded, his tone changing. I backed up a few steps.

“Ally told me. Ally Heston?” I replied, rather quickly. Jack saw that he’d clearly spooked me and his body language relaxed.

“Oh…well I suppose it was only a matter of time before you knew.” His monotone voice returned and he rent back to the railing. I approached him from the side.

“I’m very sorry for your loss. I…I know what that’s like. My parents passed when I was seventeen. Car crash.” I sympathized. Jack looked at me again.

“Oh…wow that’s rough. Did you uh… turn into a mess like I did?” He seemed to hate himself.

“Of course I did. I’d just lost both my parents in moments. It took years until I found myself again. I quit music, I became extremely reclusive, I even had thoughts about dying just so I could be with them again.” I shared. He looked at me with wide eyes, almost like he’d just found himself in me.

“So it isn’t just me…” He trailed off. I reached out and gently touched his hand. Surprisingly, he let me.

“Of course it isn’t. Jack, you lost somebody you clearly loved. Its human to go through the grieving process. And everyone deals with it differently. I quit doing something I loved from the moment I could speak because it just hurt too much. You started drinking to try and forget her. Hoping that it would make up for the pain you felt, and still feel.” I have no idea where that speech came from, but it seemed to be effective. Jack’s blue eyes teared up and I was worried that I’d made him cry.

“I can’t believe someone understands…” he was trying to keep it together, but his voice was breaking. I blinked fast a few times, trying to ward off my own tears.

“I do.” I simply stated. I ended up hugging him. The poor guy needed major help, but owning up to it was definitely step one. As I wrapped my arms around him comfortingly, Jack Cross, lead singer and guitarist of Raven Wing, the man I thought was just a drunk arrogant jerk broke down into tears.

__

__

__


	6. Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack quits drinking and suddenly turns into this monster of a man, constantly wanting to pick a fight with Rey. She feels completely drained and wants to give up and run away or something. Ally proves to be a good confidant and Rey learns there's more to Jack's story than she already knows.  
> Finally, thanks to music, Jack and Rey finally have an honest heart to heart.

When the next morning came around, I felt confident. I figured that I had made considerable headway with Jack and that maybe, just maybe, things wouldn’t be so bad after all. Well, I was wrong. I suppose I should explain. After leaving Jack when he finally got ahold of himself, I suggested he get some sleep before retiring to my own bedroom. When I got up the next morning and downstairs for another day of work with Rian, I quickly learned that Jack had confidently decided to go on the wagon, but it seemed to make him an even bigger jerk. I knew recovering alcoholics went through a sort of cleanse, when trying to quit drinking, and I knew it would pass eventually, but still…it almost made me wish he was drunk all the time again. Work became insufferable because Jack just had to be part of the process, surly as he was. I knew Rian was stressed and Cameron and Chris mumbled amongst themselves a lot whenever I saw them. It wasn’t great.

“I thought we had made a little progress, but he seems worse off than ever.” I lamented to Ally one evening over tea. The guys had all vanished to their respective corners of the massive house and I needed to unwind like you wouldn’t believe. Ally Heston had quickly become a friend in just a little over a week and it helped she knew the aforementioned party a hell of a lot better than I did. Ally took a sip of her tea before setting down on the coffee table in the living room.

“Well, things like these take time. He had been far down this hole for a long time.” She pointed out. She was right of course, and no doubt without the veil of alcohol over his brain, Jack was living the cold hard reality of grief over his late girlfriend still. Personally experiencing that kind of grief, I knew what he was feeling like. Part of me felt proud of the guy for holding his own. I’m sure he probably wanted to knock back a few lots of times in just a few days, but so far so good on that end.

“I know, I just wish he was better already, you know? It’s every single day. He has to work with us, he has to be involved. We hardly get any work done between his yelling and my yelling…” I sighed, laying my head back against the couch cushion. Since that night on the balcony, Jack hadn’t uttered a single nice thing to me. It was always orders, or snide remarks, or just flat out yelling at me. Of course, I wouldn’t tolerate that, so I’d just yell back. I felt so bad for Rian who stayed calm the entire time.

“I know it’s rough. I’m not entirely sure how I can make it better either.” Ally said.

“I know, I know. And I’m sorry to be laying all of this on you, I mean we hardly know each other, it’s just that…I’m tired. I haven’t been here that long but I’m still just so tired. Tired of him, tired of working my ass off for nothing to come of it. Like, I know he’s still grieving over his girlfriend, he has every right to, but he could at least ask for help, or let others help him. I know I’d be more than willing to talk, but you know… not gonna happen.” Ally bit her lip.

“He doesn’t talk about her much. Probably because he just doesn’t want to relive it. When he was drunk, it masked the pain. But now… I think he’s still reliving it full throttle. She was the first one he really fell in love with. She was a lovely girl.”

“I should be more sympathetic, it’s just hard. I had no one when I lost my parents, so I don’t know how I was to others. But he’s surrounded by people still, only he won’t reach out…I guess she must’ve passed quite suddenly. Was she sick?” Ally bit her lip again.

“I’m…not sure I should say.” Was her reply. I looked at her quizzically.

“Why not?”

“Um…well she was sick…but not physically.” Ally finally said. I fitted the pieces together quite quickly.

“Oh my God…” I trailed off.

“Jesse was a great girl, she was a pianist, a prodigy and she came from a lovely family in Sussex. But um… Jesse suffered from schizophrenia. She had just been diagnosed when she and Jack began dating. Jack didn’t care if she wasn’t well, he loved her. He’d drive to her house in the middle of the night if she was having a rough night, he helped her with everything, making sure she took her medication, helped her keep up her piano playing… I liked her, she was such a sweetie. But she had an issue with these voices in her head, constantly telling her to end her life or hurt herself. I knew Jack was worried about her toward the end. Everyone was. Her family wanted to have her put into a home to be looked after because by then, she was a full time job for her family, as well as Jack. But it was him who fought to keep her out of a home. He was even planning on buying his own flat for him and her to live in. Anyway… just before he put a down payment on this really lovely place, he got the call. It happened during a show…he had to listen to the voicemail of Jesse’s sobbing mother saying that her daughter had killed herself, while knowing she had been alone and likely horribly troubled during her final moments.” Ally explained. By the end, I had tears in my eyes.

“Oh my God…” I repeated, feeling just terrible. Sure, I had lost my parents tragically, but that didn’t even hold a candle to what he had been through! Ally nodded solemnly.

“So yeah…” She finished.

“Why didn’t you tell me before?” I asked, drying my eyes with my sweater sleeve.

“Well, I just thought maybe it wasn’t my story to tell, but I don’t see Jack telling you anytime soon.” She replied.

“Man, now I understand. The poor guy must have been crushed.” Ally nodded.

“He cried, you know. He cried so hard that night. Rian tried to comfort him, but nothing he said could do any good. But he quickly started drinking and getting rough so the band started going downhill. And that’s where you came in.” I sniffed.

“I just wish he would open up.” I shook my head.

“I know. But if I know Jack, he’ll only do something when he damn well feels like it. But really, Rey. You’ve got to take my word for it when I say he really isn’t like this. Even when he was with Jesse, he was such a great guy, always so optimistic, always cracking jokes, laughing, having a good time.”

“Oh I believe you. But grief does change people. I’m not the same person I was before my parents died, I don’t expect him to go back to the way he was either. I just want him to stop being so aggravating and difficult.”

“I hope he does. For your sake.” I talked with Ally for about another twenty minutes before I decided to call it a night. Of course, stupid empathetic Rey wanted to find Jack again and try to get him to talk, even thought I knew full well it would probably end in disaster. So I just forced myself to go to bed. Though my mind was anything but clear. I kept going over Ally’s recounting of what Jack had gone through with this Jesse. Even so, I somehow managed to get to sleep.

************************************

“No, it goes A and then G.” I said to Rian the next morning, playing the bit on my guitar. We were slowly picking our way through work that morning and to my delight, Jack hadn’t shown his face in the basement studio as of yet. He was still very much on my mind when I woke up that morning, but I chose to focus on getting as much work done as I possibly could before he showed up to ruin a good day’s work.

“Oh… yeah that works better.” Rian replied, seemingly having no care in the world. I just nodded and leaned to scribble in the next chord progression over the lyrics. It was nearly 11:00 and still no Jack. I sort of hoped maybe he’d just leave us to work in peace finally, but my hope was short lived. Moments later, the downstairs door was opened and Jack appeared. Part of me wanted to be nice and receptive to him, upon what I’d learned the night before, but his attitude threw that idea out the window.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were working this morning?” He demanded of the both of us.

“Uh… we work every morning. I thought you’d have figured that out by now.” I replied, trying to not be too snarky at first. Jack shot a murderous glare at me.

“Was I talking to you?” he barked.

“Well you didn’t specify, Your Highness…” My agitation was rising steadily. Before Jack could open his mouth again, Rian jumped in.

“It doesn’t matter… you’re here now, you might as well join us.” How did he manage to stay calm?! Jack merely grunted and flopped down in one of the chairs outside the recording booth.

“So how does this sound for the bridge?” I asked, trying to ignore Jack. I played the bridge through.

“I like it.” Rian replied.

“Great.” The tension was so thick in that room. I was waiting for the bubble to burst.

“Is my name even going to be on this record?” Rian looked at his brother.

“Of course. Why wouldn’t it be?”

“Well you two just seem very close with this whole writing thing, you hardly even ask for my input. What if I don’t like a song? Do I get a say? Or is it all up to this freeloader?” Jack growled.

“Jack please. Not today.” Rian actually sounded irritated! I was proud.

“Not today, what? Stand up for what’s rightfully mine? She has no business being here!” He yelled, pointing at me as if I were an object. I just rolled my eyes. It was the same song and dance nearly every single day. It was almost as if our little heart to heart a week prior had never happened.

“Oh don’t be so rude!” He yelled at me. I set down my guitar, incredulous at the insult.

“Me? Rude? Why don’t you go take a good long look in the mirror mister! I am trying to get this done for you guys! I don’t deserve this abuse!” Maybe I was also saying the same things back at him, but it was the only way I could maybe get through his thick skull!

_ “I don’t know why I ever felt bad for him.” _ I thought bitterly.

“Then why the hell don’t you just go back where you came from?! No one wants you here!” He yelled still, standing up. I did too, looking him straight in the eye.

“Believe you me, I want to! Do you know how hard it is to get anything done or to have any freaking peace of mind with you around? It’s great you’re quitting being a drunk, I really admire the courage, but honestly can you take your head out of your own ass for a moment and try to at least be civil to those who are trying their hardest to see the good in you?!” I shouted, feeling like I might cry all of a sudden. While yelling at him, my brain had decided to throw up an image of Jack upon hearing his girlfriend had committed suicide. I have no idea how he had exactly reacted, either than what Ally had told me, but if it was anything like how I had reacted when I lost my mom and dad, it was pretty heartbreaking. That stunned him for a moment, seeing a weakness in my voice towards the end.

“Both of you, stop it! This is hard enough as it is without you two constantly at each other’s throats!” Rian interjected, his voice tight. I still stared at Jack, mostly trying to hold it together. I was surprised Rian had chosen now to react adversely to the situation after having such a calm outlook on our regular fights at first.

“It wouldn’t be as hard if she wasn’t always here.” Jack grumbled.

“And what if I wasn’t here? You’d still be sticking your head into the nearest whiskey bottle 24/7 and your little band would be history!” I retorted.

“You’d like that wouldn’t you?” He snapped back.

“Oh my God, I don’t believe you! That doesn’t even make any sense! I have tried to get past your…everything. I’ve tried to help you! I did help you! What happened to the guy who poured out his heart to me on the balcony? I know this isn’t the real you, but for some reason you have to just be awful to everything and everybody! I know your girlfriend died and that’s terrible, I’m very sorry for your loss. I can’t even imagine what it’s like to lose someone to suicide, but you have got to let someone in, let someone help you! Fighting and yelling at me, or anyone for that matter isn’t going to bring her back.” I don’t know how I’d exactly gotten there, or how I was going to take back the fact that I had just blurted out the secret. Jack’s hard expression disappeared in a split second to one of stunned shock. It didn’t last however as he curled his fists at his sides and shouted

“Shut up! I hate you!” And stormed out of the room, back up the stairs. Rian didn’t say anything to me, just left as well, closing the door behind him as he did so. Once they were gone, I let out a loud frustrated groan and punched the wall behind me. Tears filled my eyes and I shed a few before regaining my composure.

“Idiot, why did you bring up that? Now you’ve just made things worse.” I grumbled to myself, walking over and plunking myself down on the grand piano bench on the other side of the room.

_ “Why am I even in this situation? I don’t deserve all this crap.” _ I thought. I was miserable by then. I could have gone upstairs, but I didn’t want to chance running into either of the Cross brothers. I turned around to face the piano and still coming off a huge adrenaline and emotion high, I wanted to do only one thing. My fingers touched the white keys delicately as I struck up the first song that came into my head.

“ _ Something always brings me back to you. _

_ It never takes too long. _

_ No matter what I say or do _

_ I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone. _

_ You hold me without touch. _

_ You keep me without chains. _

_ I never wanted anything so much _

_ Than to drown in your love and not feel your rain. _

_ Set me free, _

_ Leave me be. _

_ I don't wanna fall another moment into your gravity _

_ Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be. _

_ But you're on to me and all over me…” _ I didn’t know what spurred me to sing that song, but it just felt right. My voice rang out along with the piano, it was just me alone with the music.

_ “Oh, you loved me cause I'm fragile _

_ When I thought that I was strong. _

_ But you touch me for a little while _

_ And all my fragile strength is gone. _

_ Set me free, _

_ Leave me be. _

_ I don't wanna fall another moment into your gravity _

_ Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be. _

_ But you're on to me and all over me _

_ I live here on my knees _

_ As I try to make you see _

_ That you're everything I think I need here on the ground. _

_ But you're neither friend nor foe _

_ Though I can't seem to let you go. _

_ The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down. _

_ You're keeping me down, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah…” _ I hit the high note and carried it out, feeling my anger and frustration just fizzle away.

_ “You're on to me, on to me, and all over... _

_ Something always brings me back to you. _

_ It never takes too long…”  _ I finished, sitting back and taking a deep breath. It wasn’t until I turned around, I realized I hadn’t been alone after all. Standing on the other side of the room near the door, was Jack. My blood ran cold, mentally prepping for another encounter. I slowly got up from the piano and calmly walked over near him where my guitar still was.

“What do you want?” I asked, my voice low as I picked up my guitar and leaned it against the wall.

“I uh… I didn’t know you played and sang so well.” He finally spoke. His voice wasn’t harsh or anything.

“Oh…thanks.” I replied, still unsure. Jack then grabbed an acoustic guitar from nearby and went and sat down in the middle of the floor. He seemed to be waiting for me to join him, though he didn’t say a word. I was puzzled, but went along with it. My heart was pounding, waiting for him to lose it on me again, but part of me wondered if I was getting a glimpse of the real him again. I sat on my knees across from him and he began to play a familiar song. Remembering Sunday by alternative group, All Time Low. He began to sing and I watched.

_ “He woke up from dreaming and put on his shoes _

_ Started making his way past 2 in the morning _

_ He hasn't been sober for days _

_ Leaning now into the breeze _

_ Remembering Sunday, he falls to his knees _

_ They had breakfast together _

_ But two eggs don't last _

_ Like the feeling of what he needs _

_ Now this place seems familiar to him _

_ She pulled on his hand with a devilish grin _

_ She led him upstairs, she led him upstairs _

_ Left him dying to get in _

_ Forgive me, I'm trying to find _

_ My calling, I'm calling at night _

_ I don't mean to be a bother, _

_ But have you seen this girl? _

_ She's been running through my dreams _

_ And it's driving me crazy, it seems _

_ I'm going to ask her to marry me _

_ Even though she doesn't believe in love, _

_ He's determined to call her bluff _

_ Who could deny these butterflies? _

_ They're filling his gut _

_ Waking the neighbors, unfamiliar faces _

_ He pleads though he tries _

_ But he's only denied _

_ Now he's dying to get inside _

_ Forgive me, I'm trying to find _

_ My calling, I'm calling at night _

_ I don't mean to be a bother, _

_ But have you seen this girl? _

_ She's been running through my dreams _

_ And it's driving me crazy, it seems _

_ I'm going to ask her to marry me _

_ The neighbors said she moved away _

_ Funny how it rained all day _

_ I didn't think much of it then _

_ But it's starting to all make sense _

_ Oh, I can see now that all of these clouds _

_ Are following me in my desperate endeavor _

_ To find my whoever, wherever she may be…”  _ I didn’t even have to ask, Jack expected me to sing the female part, so I obliged.

_ “I'm not coming back _

_ I've done something so terrible _

_ I'm terrified to speak _

_ But you'd expect that from me _

_ I'm mixed up, I'll be blunt, now the rain is just _

_ Washing you out of my hair and out of my mind _

_ Keeping an eye on the world, _

_ From so many thousands of feet off the ground, I'm over you now _

_ I'm at home in the clouds, and towering over your head…”  _ I sang.

_ “Well I guess I'll go home now... _

_ I guess I'll go home now... _

_ I guess I'll go home now... _

_ I guess I'll go home…”  _

Jack finished and then the two of us sat in silence, I think both processing what had just happened.

“That was…our song.” Jack finally said, not looking at me. I felt really bad.

“I uh…I’m sorry for what I said. I shouldn’t have brought her up.” I apologized.

“No…I’m sorry. For everything, the way I’ve been lately. It’s not fair that you get the brunt of well…me.” I tried not to get too excited that we were having yet another rare civil conversation.

“It’s alright. I know you’re having a hard time.” I tried to sympathize.

“Still…it’s no excuse. I just... it’s really hard to move on. Drinking sort of blurred the pain. But now…” I knew this was hard for him to talk about, and with a stranger no less. But I was glad, I wanted him to talk, maybe it would help him heal. I went slowly though, I didn’t want to frighten him off like a deer, as crazy as that sounds.

“Now you’re remembering and reliving it with every sense intact.” I filled in. he then looked at me.

“How is it you know what I’m wanting to say?” He asked, with a tiny hint of a smile.

“It must be a gift.” I shrugged, trying not to smile too much myself.

“Well, you’re right. I uh…I guess Ally must’ve told you the…full story.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry. It’s really none of my business…” I explained. He shook his head and waved it off.

“No…I think it’s better you know.” He looked emotional.

“Look, we don’t have to talk…” I started.

“I want to. I think I owe it to you, after being such a huge jerk and all…” He replied.

“Alright.” So I listened to him talk. I couldn’t believe than under an hour before, he had been screaming at me. I had kept judging him too quickly as well. Even in the days prior. I felt like a huge idiot that I had in a sense, given up on him. I knew he was still in the grieving process and coupling that with quitting drinking, it would make an ass out of anyone. But there I was, talking with him like civilized humans, listening to him tell me about Jesse. All of which I had heard from Ally, but it didn’t make his recount any less important. I wanted our relationship to improve and this was a good step. He seemed to trust me enough to talk to me at length. I was rather proud of him for keeping it together as he told me about the days leading up to Jesse’s death. It was obvious he heavily blamed himself for her passing, like insisting she not have professional help and care, deciding to do a show that terrible night instead of staying with her… when he finished, I think he wanted to cry, but he still held it together.

“You blame yourself, don’t you?” I brought it up, once he was done.

“Well… wouldn’t you? I mean, how was it not my fault?” He lamented. I looked him in the eye.

“Jack, you can’t live your life thinking her passing was your fault. Jesse was sick. It was nothing you did or didn’t do. You were the best boyfriend to her, by the sounds of it. You loved her and cared for her even during some of her darkest days. Fighting to keep her out of a home, doing a show the night she passed… those factors may or may not have changed the outcome had you gone the other way. So you can’t just blame yourself. Unfortunately, life has a way of throwing us curve balls. I know it still hurts and it probably will always hurt on some level, but you can’t let it rule your life. Would Jesse be happy with the way you’ve been living since she…left?” I explained. Jack looked away.

“No… I guess not.” Was his soft reply.

“That’s right. She’d want you to pick yourself up, brush yourself off and carry on, for her sake. Even if you don’t do it for anyone else, do it for her. Live your life for her.” I said. Sitting there, I almost thought I would make a great therapist. But it was mostly just from experience. To some extent, I had gone through what he was going through, so I was best qualified out of anybody in that house to help him and he was letting me. He was silent a moment, looking down before he looked up at me again. Tears shone in his eyes, but wouldn’t fall.

“You’re really very good at this.” He noted. I nodded slowly.

“Merely from experience. But it’s food for thought. I hope it helps you.” I said truthfully as I stood. My legs had begun to fall asleep. He stood too and set the guitar down.

“I’m sorry…again for the way I’ve been. I really want to try and do better.” He apologized.

“Don’t worry about it. I’m sure we’ll grow on one another soon enough.” I smiled.

“Hopefully sooner than later…um, thank you…for listening and, you know, understanding.” He said, somewhat sheepishly.

“My pleasure. And um, you know, anytime you need to talk… I’m here. I’ll be here for an entire year now so…you know, feel free.” I replied with a very light laugh. He nodded lowly.

“I appreciate that. Listen…you wouldn’t want to have coffee or something sometime?” I did a double take. Was Jack Cross asking me out?

_ “Don’t be stupid…” _ I thought.

“Sure, sounds nice.” I agreed. He seemed pleased at our progress. He wasn’t the only one.

“So uh…should we call Rian back down here? I really would like to work with you two. I promise, no more yelling.” Jack said, holding up his hands. I smiled again, starting to relax finally.

“Sure. We’d love to work with you.” I replied. He seemed happy about that and immediately ran off to grab his brother. As he left, I let out a huge breath I didn’t know I was holding.

“Okay, what just happened?” I said aloud to myself. I couldn’t believe what had just happened. Jack had flipped a complete 180 degrees in almost no time. The foolish part of my brain wondered if it meant some sort of personality disorder or something, but that was just nonsense. Clearly, he had come to some sort of decision to come back and talk with me, or maybe hearing me sing had changed something… regardless, I hoped to keep the trajectory moving upward. There was hope for this band yet.


	7. Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack and Rey grow closer rather quickly and all of the boys want to try and promote Rey as their opening act, since she was thrown into this mess on the understanding that's what she was going to be. Ally teases Rey about her falling for Jack, but she can't see herself like that.

_ (Two Months Later) _

“Don’t go back… don’t give up, you know, you know you’ll get it right…” I nodded my head along to the guys in the recording booth playing their sixth consecutive track right through for the album. I was quite pleased with their progress, we were right on track for their album deadline and everything. You might be wondering how exactly we got to that point. Well, everything changed after Jack and I had that long talk in the basement. He had gone back upstairs to grab Rian and we spent a successful afternoon actually getting work done, the three of us. It was slightly awkward, but we made it work. I was still completely blown away that Jack had changed so drastically in just a short amount of time and most of me was wondering when exactly he’d revert back to his old ways again, like maybe it was all just a ruse. The next day, he hadn’t changed. I was still puzzled on what had moved him to exactly come back downstairs and talk to me. It wasn’t until the day after it had happened that I found out Ally was over again and pulled me aside on my way down to work that morning.

“So? How is it going?” She asked me right off the bat.

“Rian told you what happened yesterday?” I asked. She nodded.

“More or less. I heard about the fight, I heard Rian lost his cool… and now you and Jack are playing nice. What happened? Did he talk to you?” Ally said.

“Yeah, it was super weird. They left me alone down there and so I just went and fooled around on the piano, when I was finished, Jack was standing on the other side of the room watching me. And after that, we actually talked. Well… sang first. It was all very surreal.” I said, still not believing it had happened. Ally looked so excited all of a sudden.

“He talked to you, that’s awesome! Are you two good now, like what happened?”

“Nothing happened, he just told me about Jesse, and how much he missed her. He blames himself for her death, so I sort of helped him see how it wasn’t his fault at all. Then he thanked me, apologized and told me he wanted to do better…and he asked me out for coffee sometime.” I explained. Ally’s eyes widened.

“Shut up, he asked you out?” She asked. I rolled my eyes and let out a light laugh.

“Relax, Ally. He did not ask me out, he just wants to have coffee sometime and chat. I think he trusts me enough to talk to about his problems now, and that’s great.” I responded. Ally smiled still.

“I don’t care, in my books he still asked you out.” She teased.

“Ally, it’s not like that. I doubt there’ll be anything between us either than I hope some sort of friendship. I don’t really see him fully getting over his former girlfriend in light of me.” I replied, truthfully.

“Hey, what are you two going on about?” Rian asked, coming up to us. Ally gave me a sideways glance.

“Nothing important, Rian. Sorry, I’ll be down in a moment.” I answered. Rian merely smiled and left.

“I bet you don’t know what changed Jack so quickly yesterday.” Ally then said as soon as Rian was out of earshot. My attention instantly piqued.

“No…do you? I’ve been completely stumped about that. One minute he’d biting my head off, the next he’s singing a duet with me and telling me all about his troubles…” I shook my head. Ally gave a mysterious smile.

“Well, tell me.” I urged.

“Rian came upstairs after Jack did. I saw, I saw Jack blow right past me all the way out the front door. He must have been wanting to leave. Rian saw me and he just completely lost it. He was saying that there was no hope for their future as a band, that he was so close to just pulling the plug himself. He started crying and angrily saying that he wished that you had never come and tried to at least give them a fighting chance as a group when there was absolutely no hope left. Jack must have forgotten his car keys, because he came back in, but the first thing he saw was how much of a mess his little brother was. I saw him, his face was hardened, but that look completely disappeared when he saw how upset Rian was in my arms. After that, he just marched toward the basement stairs. I don’t know how much he heard or how long he’d been standing there, but anyway…that’s what happened.” Ally recounted. I let out a breath.

“Wow… I Think I owe Rian an apology. I had no clue just how hard all of this affected him.” I stated, feeling slightly guilty. Ally shrugged.

“Wouldn’t hurt, I guess, but Rian is completely dumbfounded now after yesterday. And by the sounds of it, this is only gonna keep getting better, miss coffee date.” Ally said with a smirk. I swatted at her.

“It is not a date.” I rolled my eyes. Ally was right though. Things did only get better from there. Every day it was another successful work period. Jack was just as devoted to his work again as I assume he’d been before his girlfriend had died. Rian knew something had changed, though he wasn’t sure exactly what until about a week later when we were alone. I’d come down for a glass of milk around 10:30 one night and Rian was in the kitchen, having probably had the same idea. I gave him a warm smile, in a good mood.

“Hey.” He greeted.

“Hi.” I replied.

“So, listen. I wanted to talk to you.” Rian said after a brief pause. I turned to face him.

“Yeah? What about?” I asked, absentmindedly.

“About Jack. Something changed. And, I have a feeling you had something to do with it.” I stood with my back against the refrigerator and folded my arms across my chest.

“Well…you’d be right. We had a talk, after our last fight.” I told him. Rian’s eyes lit up.

“I knew it. It’s all because of you, Jack clearly respects you, listens to you…” Rian trailed off. I let out a small laugh.

“Well if he respected me, he had a weird way of showing it.”

“I know it’s been rough lately but I know he does think something of you. He has to. Why else would he be changing now after talking with you?”

“I think more than anything, he sees himself in me because I’ve had similar experiences in my life, but yeah. Things do seem to be getting better, don’t they?” I nodded. Rian set his glass down and walked over to me, taking my hands in his.

“You are a Godsend, Rey Blythe. Whatever the reasons, you probably have just single handedly saved this band.” He said, clearly grateful. I smiled a little. I never took Rian Cross for such an eloquent speaker.

“Glad to help. I hope so too, you guys have so much left to show your fans.” I responded, from the heart. So, like I said, things only got better. The writing was finished in record time with three of us working tirelessly to get it done. Jack even wrote a couple of his own songs to contribute. They were beautiful and clearly about Jesse. I commended him on them, sharing how my music was part of my healing process. Two months sped by like lightning after that. The boys began rehearsal in their own studio and the band dynamic had definitely changed from when I had first arrived. Cameron and Chris were around a lot more and they all went out the four of them, quite regularly. I was glad about Jack’s progress and only hoped it would keep on improving. As far as I knew, he hadn’t touched any alcohol in that span of time and it showed in his work, his behavior and speech. Jack was still very reclusive, I hardly saw him outside of work and so our coffee ‘date’ as Ally called it, never happened. I never really had held him to that anyway, but I have to say I was just a tad disappointed. I wasn’t about to hound him about it though. I didn’t want to ruin the good place we were currently in.

“Sounds great, you guys. Let’s take a break, we’ll pick it up after lunch.” I told them through the microphone before getting up and planning on heading upstairs. Before I could though, someone touched my shoulder. I turned to face Jack.

“Hey.” I smiled, being friendly.

“Hey…do you have plans right now?” He asked me. I looked around.

“Um, not really. Why?” I asked, tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear. He gave me a small smile.

“Don’t think I haven’t forgotten about that coffee. I was hoping to take you up on it now.” He told me. By then, I had nearly forgotten about the entire thing, but I quickly remembered.

“Oh, yeah. Sure. That sounds good.” I replied, trying not to sound too excited. Ally’s words she’d teased me with weeks ago suddenly echoed in my head

_ It’s a date… _

_ “It is not a date. Jack is just barely coming around. Besides, I’d never have a shot with him.” _ I thought as I headed upstairs. It was silly to even think such a thing would happen. Jack Cross falling in love with the American songwriter he initially hated? Unlikely. Besides, even if he did, I wouldn’t want that because I’d just be a rebound. Jack would be with me for a few months, then realize I wasn’t Jesse and drop me like a hot potato.

_ “So stop being stupid.” _ I thought to myself. Coffee was just that. Coffee. When I got upstairs, I quickly grabbed my jacket and bag from my room before going back down to the main level. Jack was waiting for me by the door and suddenly I felt these random butterflies in my stomach.

_ “Not a date… stop it.”  _ I thought. Jack looked up when I reached the bottom of the steps and smiled. It was definitely something I had to get used to, Jack smiling.

“Ready?” He asked me.

“Um, yeah.” I replied.

_ “Way to go… where’s your usual confidence?” _ I thought. I sounded like a teenager on her first date. Jack didn’t seem to notice though as we left. There was still a bite of cold in the air that I wasn’t used to, but it was okay. Jack headed straight for his car, which was utterly gorgeous by the way. It was sleek, black and elegant. I couldn’t believe I’d never noticed it before. Absentmindedly though, I attempted to get in the right side.

“Are you driving?” Jack asked me, amusement in his voice. It was then I realized, uh hello, I was in England. The right side was the driver’s seat. I felt slightly embarrassed at that.

“Oh…right…” I stammered, trying to hide a blush. What was wrong with me? Jack just let out a laugh as I went to the left side instead and got inside. He got in the driver's seat and looked over at me.

“I hope you realize that was the most American thing I’ve seen you do.” His blue eyes danced. This was weird. Sure Jack and I had been playing nice, but like I said, I never saw him outside of when we were working. This happy go lucky side of him was just slightly odd considering what I knew him as. I smirked though.

“Well I am American. You’re not gonna let me live that down either, are you?” I joked. He turned the key in the ignition.

“Yeah…I don’t think so.” He replied.

_ “Just roll with it.”  _ I thought. I couldn’t get too hung up on the fact that this was slightly creepy.

“Oh come on, I’m sure if you were in the states, you’d do the same thing.” I teased. We rolled off of the property.

“Yeah, I’ve driven in the states before, hasn’t happened yet.” Jack answered with a playful glance. I hid a way too wide smile.

“Okay, okay but you have experience…” I trailed off.

“Yeah, no excuse… that just made my day.” He chuckled. Silence fell between us after that as Jack drove down the road. I had seen some of London since I arrived, Ally took me one Saturday to all the touristy spots like Big Ben, Buckingham Palace, The Tower of London and a few other spots. I still didn’t know my way around London at all, but at least I got to see the big name spots. Jack on the other hand, a native of London seemed to weave through the confusing traffic with ease. And I thought LA was bad for traffic. After several moments of silence, I finally broke it.

“So, the album sounds great so far, huh?” The silence was bugging me more than the seemingly awkward conversation. Jack glanced at me.

“Yeah, it does. I think it’s one of our best. It’ll sound better when we go to the real studio next week.” He replied.

“Oh right. Where is that exactly?” I asked, out of curiosity.

“Downtown. I’ll show you when we go. It’s pretty impressive.” He offered. I was slightly taken aback.

“I-I get to go to the studio with you guys?” I asked, surprised. The thought had never occurred to me.

“Well of course. You are our songwriter, you need to make sure we don’t sound terrible.” He winked at me. I sat there just processing. I would be going to Raven Wing’s studio!

_ “I could ask for an audition. I could get out of this dumb contract…” _ I thought, getting excited. It was mighty tempting, but I looked over at Jack in the driver’s seat, fiddling with the heat settings in the car at a red light.

“You can’t leave. Not now. They still need you.” I was reminded. That kind of deflated me a little, but I was still stoked to see the studio.

“Well that’s pretty cool.” I simply replied. Silence again as we continued driving. Finally, we stopped.

“Here we are. It’s my favourite coffee place but they do lunch specials here too.” Jack explained as he shut the car off.

“Sounds great, I could eat.” I replied in a laid back tone as I got out of the car. So now it was coffee and lunch…

_ “If Ally knew…” _ I thought just as my phone buzzed with a text. I pulled it out as I walked behind Jack into the shop. Lo and behold, the text was from Ally.

_ Ally: Hey where did you run off to?  _ It read. I knew I was going to get teased, but I typed back

_ “Out for lunch and coffee with Jack. I’ll be back soon.”  _ I stuffed my phone back in my pocket as I entered the shop. It was definitely quaint, but most everything in England seemed to be.

“So, what do you think you want?” Jack asked me.

“Oh, it’s alright, I can pay for myself.” I offered.

“No, no let me.” Was his answer.

_ “This is sounding more and more like a date.” _ I thought. Maybe it was… I didn’t know how I felt about that.

“Uh…okay. Uh, surprise me then. I-I’ll find us seats.” I stammered, suddenly nervous. As I walked away, my phone buzzed again. Sitting at a table for two, I took my phone out again.

_ Ally: He finally did it, eh? I won’t bother you then, it’s rude to text on a date 😉  _ She wrote. I bit my lip and looked over at Jack in the lineup, scrolling through something on his phone. I tried not to stare though as my mind was running rampant. This couldn’t be a date.

_ “He never asked me out…” _ I thought. But he kind of did, just about seven weeks ago.

_ “But we’re just friends... right? I mean, he’s never expressed any romantic interest, I wouldn’t expect him to…” _ I thought. My mind was plenty distracted by the time Jack came over. We appeared to have pretty much the same order. Coffee and a sandwich, which I was alright with.

“I hope this is okay.” He said, sitting across from me.

“It’s fine. Thank you.” I replied, taking what was mine. I was feeling just slightly uncomfortable by then, I was hoping it wasn’t evident.

“You okay?” He asked after a moment. So obviously I wasn’t doing a good job of hiding my emotions.

“I’m fine.” I smiled, though it wasn’t genuine. He seemed to accept my answer, but he didn’t look entirely convinced.

“This is nice, I don’t think we’ve been alone together since…you know.” Jack commented after several minutes of silence. I hesitated.

“Um, yeah…well we’ve all been busy. It’s not like we haven’t seen one another…” Awkward…

“Well yeah, but I mean just us. One on one. Gives us a chance to…talk.” Okay, now he sounded nervous.

“Relax, will you?” I told myself.

“Sure, what do you want to talk about? When is the release date for this album?” I chose a neutral subject. Besides, I kind of wanted to know.

“Oh, uh Anthony has us set for March 30 th .” Was Jack’s answer. I nearly spat out my coffee.

“March 30 th ? That’s a month away!” I exclaimed. Why hadn’t I been told that months ago? Jack nodded.

“Yeah, it’s not a big deal. All we have to do is record and send promo out for it. That’s easy.” He shrugged. I took a breath.

“Still seems like a lot to do in a month.”

“Well it’ll be a busy few weeks. But a big chunk of your work is already done.” I relaxed a little, but then wondered

“If my work is basically done, then why am I signed for a year?”

“Oh. So what happens after the release then?” I asked. Jack chuckled.

“Are you sure you’re in the music business? What else? We head on our tour. I’m sure Anthony and Jemma already have the dates for us.” He responded.

“And…what happens to me? I’m just a songwriter.” It hurt a little to say, but I had to face facts. I didn’t belong anywhere on tour with the biggest rock band out there.

“Well, that’s kind of why I wanted to get you alone. I want to offer you an opportunity.” He explained. I was confused.

“What kind of opportunity?” I asked, expressing my puzzlement. Part of me was pretty much relieved that this wasn’t in fact, a date, but the rest of me was left confused.

“I’ve noticed you. Even when you thought I wasn’t, I was. I know how talented you are, I’ve heard you sing, play piano and Rian has told me that you’re pretty impressive with a guitar.” Jack explained. Okay, where was this going?

“Um, thanks…” I trailed off.

“And I know Anthony kind of caught you off guard with the whole ‘audition to be a songwriter’ mess up and I know it wasn’t fair to you.” He continued. I nodded slowly and took a sip of my coffee.

“Well, I’ve been thinking lately and I’ve talked to Rian, Cam and Chris about it and they all agree that it just isn’t fair to have you on the sidelines just as a songwriter, especially since I’m finally back in the game. You probably don’t know this but we never ended up with an opening act… I don’t know why, it just didn’t happen.” He went on. I set my drink down, before I spilled it all down my shirt. Was he saying what I thought he was?!

“Um…no, I didn’t know that.” I responded, trying to curb my growing excitement.

“Well…the boys and I have a meeting with Anthony and Jemma this afternoon and we’ve all agreed to promote you as our opening act on tour. That is, if you accept.” Jack revealed. I nearly leapt right out of my chair.

“Oh my God, you’re kidding!” I exclaimed in disbelief. He cracked a smile.

“Surprise?” He teased.

“Um, yeah! Oh my God…thank you so much! You have no idea what this means to me.” I remarked. Inside, I was jumping up and down and screaming with delight.

“Hey, you deserve it, Rey. Especially after putting up with so much.” Jack replied, kindly. I really felt a strong urge to hug him, but held myself back. I let out a delighted laugh instead.

“This is just…wow…” I was at a loss for words. But then it hit me. They didn’t have a definite okay yet, it was basically just an idea. They had to run it by Anthony Carr and Jemima Marsh, both of which I hadn’t seen since I arrived in London and I didn’t much like Jemima Marsh; was pretty sure she wasn’t my biggest fan either. What if they said no?

“What is it?” Jack asked me, noticing my sudden change of emotion.

“Uh, nothing, I was just thinking. I um…I don’t think your tour manager likes me very much.” I chose to tell him.

“Ah. Jemma’s just like that. I can see how you’d think that. But trust me, it isn’t personal.” He assured me with a half laugh. I felt a little better knowing that I guess, but I still had some doubt. I didn’t let it show though and I was happy as we left the shop and headed back to the house. Jack told me they’d know the answer by about 6pm that night, but he said that I had no reason to worry that it wouldn’t happen. That they’d fight for me. I thought that was rather touching, especially coming from him. Still though, by the time we finished our afternoon session around 2:30 and the boys took off to their meeting, I was pretty much a basket of nerves. I tried to keep myself busy, but after the first twenty minutes, Ally texted, asking if I was home. I said I was and minutes later, she was at the house.

“I want details.” Were the first words out of her mouth as she stepped inside.

“On what?” I played coy.

“On what, listen to you. The date! How did it go?” She asked, her eyes dancing. I shook my head and laughed.

“I keep telling you, it wasn’t a date. We just had lunch together…and Jack offered me something.” I hinted. Ally’s jaw dropped.

“Oh stop it, it’s nothing like that.” I chuckled at her reaction.

“So? What did he say to you, then?” She asked.

“He…told me that he and the others are going to try and headline me as their opener on tour.” I explained. Ally’s eyes widened.

“No way!” She exclaimed. I nodded with a smile.

“I-I can’t believe it.” I laughed.

“That’s amazing!” She cried, grabbing me in a hug.

“I know! It’s what I originally had hoped I was coming here for and to have Jack say that he would fight for me when he told their managers about it today was just…I really, really hope it works out.” I said.

“Oh, I’m sure it will. Rian and Jack are both extremely stubborn and persistent. When will you know for sure?” She asked me.

“Jack said 6pm. I have my ringer on full blast in case he calls.” I replied, slightly nervous. Ally gave me a look.

“You have his phone number, eh?” She teased.

“Ally…”

“What? I’m just kidding with you.” She laughed. I looked at my phone. It was just after 3:30.

“6:00 can’t come fast enough.” I stated, nerves in my voice.

“Don’t be nervous, Rey. You’ll get it. You’re like…amazing. Rian is always going on about your talent.” I was flattered by that.

“Well, I hope so. This is like…the dream.” I chuckled. Ally thought a moment

“Tell you what, why don’t we fix dinner for the boys? You and me. It’ll keep your mind off of things for the next couple hours and it’ll give us something to do.” She proposed. I shrugged.

“Sounds like a plan.” So we set to work, preparing dinner. I knew how to cook, but I wasn’t any iron chef or anything but Ally was a whiz in the kitchen! Needless to say, the next couple hours did fly by and by the time supper was nearly ready, it was 6pm.

“Well I’d say that’s everything. What’s the time?” Ally asked, coming into the kitchen, where I was.

“6:00.” I answered.

“See? Told you.” She smiled. But the nerves just hit me full force. I checked my phone again, Jack hadn’t called or texted. I didn’t know if that was good news or not. Just as I was about to call him myself, the front door opened and I heard all of their voices. Ally smiled at me.

“They’re here.” She announced.

“Hey, something smells great.” I heard Rian say.

“We’re in the kitchen.” Ally called. I stood frozen, too nervous to move. The four guys came into the massive kitchen and saw Ally and I.

“Did you two fix dinner?” Cameron asked.

“Yeah, we figured you guys would come home hungry.” Ally smiled.

“Well you figured right.” Chris responded with a laugh.

“Yeah, we’re all starved. But first, Jack I believe you have some news.” Rian faced his brother. Jack looked at me and smiled.

“It’s done. You’re our opener.” He announced.

“What?! Oh my God!” I cried with delight. Ally hugged me tight.

“See? I knew you’d get it.” She told me.

“Thank you guys so much!” I exclaimed.

“Well it wasn’t originally our idea. It was Jack who came up with it. He’s the one who deserves all the credit.” Cameron replied. I faced Jack.

“What did I tell you? You’re more than qualified.” He smiled.

“Thank you.” I said, as I gave Jack Cross a big hug.


	8. Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey accompanies the group and Ally to their album release party and she's hella nervous. She's also questioning how Jack views her, as he's growing quite close to and quite fond of her.

_ -March 30 _ _ th _ _ - _

“Rey! We have to go, we’re gonna be late!” Ally called up the stairs. She definitely had a good set of lungs on her for me to hear her loud and clear from my bathroom.

“I’m coming!” I yelled back as I touched up my lipstick. This was it. After all the ups and downs, forming new friendships, working myself to the bone for these guys and it was finally done. Raven Wing’s brand spankin’ new album was now out for the world to hear. And I think I’d done one hell of a good job despite everything I’d dealt with over the last 3 and a half months. Ally and I were supposed to meet the guys at their release party and we were supposed to look our best. I hoped my old black dress I’d worn maybe once to a college formal, would be enough. I paired it with a pair of black heels and my mother’s diamond earrings. I wasn’t used to dressing up so fancy, but luckily I knew enough to put my hair up in a French twist. I thought I looked pretty elegant. It seemed silly, being around a rock band that we’d have to go to such a formal gathering, but it was for press mostly. That was what was very exciting about that night. Yes, I was attending as Raven Wing’s songwriter, but that night, I would be formally introduced as their opening act for the tour, which was going to kick off in only two weeks. Was it all so easy getting the album together? Well, yes, but it wasn’t any less busy. I remember when I saw their studio for the very first time. It was a week after I’d just been given the amazing opportunity to be Raven Wing’s opener on tour, which is what I had hoped for all along. I was definitely on cloud nine, even when we arrived at the studio that morning. The studio itself was spectacular. Jack was still being this super nice guy to me and I couldn’t complain. I enjoyed our friendship and had altogether forgotten about Ally’s teasing and my brief worry about becoming his rebound. Though sometimes I did worry that Jack suddenly being this relaxed and easygoing guy was just a disguise. There was absolutely no way he still wasn’t hurting. I never brought it up, I suppose I was afraid of what it would unleash. Anyway, I was walking after the guys, completely in awe. I’d been in record companies sure and maybe seen a few studios in my life but this was something else.

“You alright, there?” Jack asked me, clearly amused. I came back down to earth and smiled.

“Yeah, I’m just…taking it in.” I admitted, cheesy as it sounded. He laughed at that. When we got to their recording room, I met the tech, Harold who seemed nice.

“You guys ready to do this?” I asked the four of them. They were ready, I knew they were.

“Oh sure. But…do you wanna give it a try? Just for fun?” Rian asked. Me? In a real record company’s recording booth? I beamed.

“Really?” I asked.

“Yeah, sure.”

“Y’know, we wanna be sure we picked the right person for our opening act.” Cameron teased, but I realized only Rian and Jack had ever really seen me perform. And with Jack, it was only on piano and acoustic guitar, so I had to pick a really good song to show off. I gave Harold my music iPod and told him which backing track to put up. Inside the recording booth, I picked up the first guitar I saw and made sure it was in tune. I’d chosen the song Traitor by a group called Flyleaf. I just let loose as the track began and began playing.

_ Pull your window down _

_ Tinted glass is hiding your eyes _

_ It's your favorite disguise _

_ You don’t make a sound _

_ While you’re taking me for a ride _

_ Holding secrets inside _

_ Traitor, this is my life _

_ I'm too strong to lie down next to a mastermind _

_ Traitor, every time _

_ I’ll no longer keep you a friend of mine _

_ Tell me once again _

_ How’d you build a kingdom of trust? _

_ It's beginning to rust _

_ And where have you been? _

_ Promises were never enough _

_ They collect in the dust _

_ Traitor, this is my life _

_ I'm too strong to lie down next to a mastermind _

_ Traitor, every time _

_ I’ll no longer keep you a friend of mine… _

_ Traitor, this is my life _

_ I'm too strong to lie down next to a mastermind _

_ Traitor, every time _

_ I’ll no longer keep you a friend of mine _

_ I’ll no longer keep you a friend of mine _

_ I’ll no longer keep you a friend of mine…”  _ I finished, kind of breathless, but knowing I had knocked it out of the park. I exited the booth and all four guys started cheering.

“That was awesome!” Chris commented.

“You never said she was  **that** good…” Cameron added. I laughed.

“Thanks, you two.” I said.

“Once again, Rey. I’m speechless.” Rian stated. The three of them then filed into the booth, but Jack remained behind.

“You should get in there.” I told him. He wouldn’t stop smiling at me.

“You’re amazing.” He told me. The butterflies came back!

_ “Why?” _ I thought, aggravated with my emotions.

“Thanks Jack.” I replied.

“You’re gonna kill it on tour.” He added.

“So are you, now get in there. Make it good.” I instructed, pushing him toward the booth.

“He likes you.” The little voice in my head said.

_ “He’s just being nice, stop overthinking it.” _ I thought as I watched the four of them get situated. But I couldn’t get his smile out of my head.

_ “It’s just a mask. He can’t really be that happy all the time now. No one recovers that quickly.”  _ I was reminded of previous thoughts. It made me a little nervous, I wondered if the mask would break eventually and he’d come crashing down. So far, it hadn’t. reflecting on Jack as I took one last look in the mirror, he seemed more content than ever. I’d seen him briefly before he left with the others, all decked out in his tux. It was the most dressed up I had ever seen him, which was a far cry from his disheveled drunk look I had become acquainted with upon first arriving. One thing I noticed about him once he started cleaning himself up and something I never really realized before in videos and such, but Jack had beautiful hair. It was thick and dark brown, lately he’d been slicking it back and I liked the look a lot. Rian had nice hair too, but Jack’s was amazing. Of course, I’d find myself thinking about that and then try to convince myself I wasn’t crushing on him. I knew I couldn’t, I’d only get my heart broken. As I walked down the stairs to join Ally, I put on my  grey jacket I had gotten only a week ago in London. My LA wardrobe had nothing to shield me against the dampness of London. Ally was at the bottom of the steps and smiled when she saw me.

“Finally. Wow, you look great.” She commented. I looked great? More like she did. Ally, I thought was a much prettier girl than I was. While I was still kind of long and lanky with coal black hair and pale blue eyes, Ally was this tall, willowy blonde with deep blue eyes and pink lips. A regular English rose, I guess you could say. She was wearing a gorgeous red lace dress that hugged her body and stopped just above the knee. She wore a silver shawl with it.

“So do you.” I expressed to her. Her blonde hair was in this really pretty curly up do. Part of me wanted to go change, but what else did I have to wear? Most, if not all of my wardrobe was black, it was my color.

_ “Don’t be self conscious like that, you look great.” _ I thought to myself.

“Ready to head out? The car is waiting.” Ally said, going to open the front door.

“We have a special car?” I asked, slightly star struck.

“Well yeah. Being a rock star’s girlfriend has its perks you know. You’re probably gaining popularity too, being  **the songwriter.”** Ally put emphasis on the last two words. I laughed as we left and headed for the car. I couldn’t wait for this party.

*************************************

As we approached the event center, I started feeling slightly nervous. Yeah it was Raven Wing’s night, but it was also mine. Looking back, that was the night it all really began for me, the next big chapter in my life. As the car pulled up to the doors, Ally and I swiftly got out of the car and walked side by side up to the building. Inside, a man dressed to the nines took our jackets/wraps.

“Impressed yet?” Ally asked me as we headed for the main room.

“I-I’m not used to all this fanciness.” I admitted with a nervous laugh.

“Oh believe me, neither was I. It did take some getting used to, but all you have to do is look the part. Look confident, look elegant. Rian hates these things, but they’re for publicity, right? And it’s England…so, don’t worry. Just keep your head high and you’ll be fine.” Ally explained as we approached a massive staircase heading down to the ballroom where lots of finely dressed people were milling around. I started to feel underdressed, but tried to remember what Ally told me and kept my head held high as I descended the staircase alongside Ally. This totally wasn’t my scene, I couldn’t even remember the last time I’d worn a dress.

_ “Just imagine you’re at your first Grammy Awards party.” _ I thought. That helped. as I walked down, I saw Rian talking with Jack not too far away. Almost instantly, they both looked up to see Ally and I coming down. Rian smiled and stepped closer to take his girlfriend’s hand. He kissed her lightly and smiled at the both of us.

“Ladies, you look lovely.” He said.

“Thanks Rian.” I replied, taking a deep breath. I looked to my left slightly and Jack was still standing in his spot, his eyes on me. I walked over to him to say hi.

“Hey. Quite the place, isn’t it?” I said to him. Jack almost looked at a loss for words for a moment, before regaining his composure.

“Uh… yeah it’s pretty high end I guess…you look…amazing.” He stuttered. I smiled, glancing down and smoothed my dress.

“It’s not too casual?” I asked.

“No…no. It uh…suits you.” He was nervous! Just like I was.

“Is it because of me?” I wondered for a split second. Neither of us said anything after that, until Rian and Ally came over.

“Rey, now that you’re here, you should meet some of these people.” Rian suggested.

“Oh, yeah. Alright, that sounds good.” I answered, grateful to be taken out of the awkward situation. I hated the silence between Jack and I when neither of us knew what to say. Of course I thought of things that I could say, but knowing my big old mouth, they’d just make things more awkward. Why were we that way sometimes? I didn’t know. Most of the time lately, we talked with ease, just sometimes…I don’t know. Maybe the silence was trying to tell us something, we just couldn’t hear it. All I can say is, thank God they had champagne. I wasn’t thinking though as I grabbed the nearest full champagne flute and pretty much chugged the thing.

“What are you doing? You know Jack isn’t drinking anymore!” My mind suddenly reminded me. I had completely forgotten. The four of us had taken off into the crowd together and I worried that Jack had seen me. I looked ahead though and he was walking with Rian and Ally. I was behind, so he didn’t seem to see me. I still felt bad for some reason, like I should be abstaining from alcohol as well. I quickly set the glass down and shuffled ahead to rejoin my group. As I scanned the crowd, I picked out Cameron and Chris who were both with women I’d never seen before but assumed they were their girlfriends. When the group of us finally stopped, I met Anthony Carr again who congratulated me on getting the album done and hoped I’d do well on the tour. I had a thing or two to say to the man, not nice things, but I just bit my tongue and thanked him. I didn’t see Jemima Marsh and I was glad.

“Head high, smile, be graceful.” I silently reminded myself, though my nerves and constant war with myself it seemed over Jack as of late were predominating my intentions to come off as a light and airy person.

“Just be yourself.” I finally told myself after growing more and more miserable after each high and mighty music mogul I met. The elegant thing may have been working for Ally, but not me. I wanted to talk to Jack again and just kind of break the tension with some lame joke or side comment, but I was too late. in the buzz of the crowd, The guys vanished, leaving Ally and I standing.

“Where’d they go?” I asked her.

“Oh they have to make a speech. I’d get ready, they’ll call you up soon.” She replied.

_ “Okay, pull yourself together. This is your moment.” _ I thought, putting on a smile. That one was genuine, I hoped once I was introduced as the opener, my nerves would disappear. The background music stopped and the crowd fell hushed as the guys took the stage at the front of the room.

“We want to thank you all for coming out tonight in celebration of our new album, Pieces. It’s certainly been quite the last few months trying to get everything together and ready to release to the public and it’s also been a learning experience. But none of it would have even been remotely possible without the help of our lovely songwriter, Rey Blythe. Where are you, Rey? Would you come and join us onstage, please?” Rian said into the microphone provided. Ally patter my shoulder.

“Go on.” She smiled. I took a deep breath and headed for the stage. As I got up there, the crowd clapped for me.

“Anything you’d like to say, Rey?” Rian asked, handing me the microphone. I cleared my throat and took it.

“Um, well first off, thank you for the kind welcome. It’s been a crazy couple of months to get this album all finished, but these four guys really are incredible and it’s been a real honor to work with them.” I said to the crowd. I handed the mic back to Rian as he began talking again.

“Yes, Rey has done an amazing job for us and she’s not only a talented songwriter, but a very talented musician as well.” He continued, before handing the microphone off to his brother.

“That’s why, we decided as a band that Rey Blythe would be the perfect choice as our opening act on tour starting on April 13 th !” Jack announced. The crowd clapped again. They were nothing like a rocker crowd who cheered and screamed, this was more polite…very English. I saw a few people come closer to the stage with cameras, and I got lined up alongside the guys as pictures were snapped.

“Well, it’s official.” I heard Jack say into my ear over the chatter of the crowd. I smiled. Yes, yes it was. It wasn’t my favourite night, but I couldn’t argue that things did change that night.

***********************************

The next morning, I could actually sleep in and it was wonderful. I couldn’t remember the last time I hadn’t gotten up at 6:00 in the morning. I didn’t sleep horribly late though, just until around 8:30 am and the first thing I did was check Twitter. It was thoughtless really, I was just checking my feed, but realized my feed was full of pictures of me with the band! I felt a little excited about that, getting online recognition so fast, but I soon came across a couple of news videos. Curious, I clicked on one.

“Revealed last night at Raven Wing’s new album release party, Rey Blythe was said to have been the band’s new songwriter. And yet this is the first anyone has ever heard of her. Why was she called in? representatives from Raven Wing refused to give a comment. What’s even more puzzling, is now this Rey Blythe is opening for the band on tour beginning April 13 at the London O2 Arena. Is this a mistake on Raven Wing’s part? Having a girl who nobody knows as part of their 2017 world tour? I suppose we’ll have to wait until April 13 to find out…” I exited the app, feeling just a little steamed. How could they say those things about someone they didn’t even know? I couldn’t stay in bed after that. I got up and hopped in the shower, determined to not let the news clip get the better of me. It was good to wash away the night before, I didn’t realize how much gunk I had in my hair until I had to shampoo it three times. I tried to forget about my strange mood that night and just move forward. Clearly, those types of gatherings were not my cup of tea. End of story.

_ “But you and Jack…” _ I thought as I toweled myself dry.

“There is no me and Jack. We just  suck at conversation sometimes.” Even so, I found myself thinking about him again as I got dressed for the day. I was only hurting myself, but I really couldn’t stop. It was hard to believe he was once so awful to me and now he’d done a complete 180. I knew I should be happy, but I couldn’t stop wondering why. If it was me, if it was fake or if he was just really taking control of his life again. No one else seemed outwardly bothered by his laid back, easygoing manner as of late, maybe that’s how he was before…you know. Still, I wondered if he had a thing for me because he was almost always teasing with me, going places, talking with me…

_ “Yeah, it’s called being friends.” _ I thought. But was it? My feelings were confusing the hell out of me, so I tried to push them away as I went downstairs. At the bottom of the stairs, the first person I saw was of course, Jack. He saw me and smiled.

“Hey, I was wondering if you were up.” He said. My tongue felt like it was in knots for a few moments.

“Uh…yeah. I’m not really the sleep late type.” I replied, trying to not sound so awkward. He didn’t seem to notice.

“Yeah, me neither. Anyway, I was wondering if you wanted to grab something to eat?” Was this really happening again?

“He’s asking you out!” The little voice in my head told me.

“No he’s not.” I silently argued.

“Um, sure. Sounds good.” I answered with a shrug. So we headed out, I tried to be laid back, but it wasn’t entirely easy. I just really wanted to ask him one thing. Did he like me? Was he trying to impress me?

_ “I’m not a rebound.” _ I thought to myself. But I did sort of like all the attention, despite how out of character it did seem.

“Are we just friends or what?” I mused to myself as we took off. Of course I was too afraid to even approach the subject. I didn’t know what I wanted.

“You’re quiet this morning. Where’s the usual banter?” Jack noticed as we drove through the busy morning traffic.

“Um…must just be a little tired, I guess.” I lied.

“I hope not too tired, because there’s this great little café I know you’re gonna love.” He smiled. The question was bursting to fly out of my mouth. I bit my tongue still.

“Oh yeah?” I merely replied. I was quiet the rest of the way, I think Jack thought I was uncomfortable or something. By the time we got to our stop, I had fingernail indentations in my hand from the tension.

_ “This is ridiculous.” _ I thought. It was the night before all over again. Jack was probably thinking I hated him. As I got out of the car, I put a bounce in my step.

_ “Just be you.” _ I thought.

“So what’s with this, you taking me all these places?” I said then, without thinking.

Jack looked at me and stopped. Apparently being me involved sticking my foot in my mouth!

“You weren’t supposed to bring that up!” I mentally facepalmed.

“Well…you’re new, you don’t know any of the good spots around here, so I just thought why not show you around a little?” He finally replied. That was it? I relaxed a little.

“Oh, well that’s really nice of you.” I guess I was slightly disappointed. Though I wasn’t entirely sure why.

“Besides, this is only stop one.” He winked as we walked inside the café.

“Stop one?”

“Yeah…but that’s all I’m gonna say.” He gave me a slightly mischievous smile. I smiled back, trying to loosen up. Jack offered to pay for me once again, though I reminded him I did have money. I wondered if it was some weird English custom or something as I grabbed us a table. Sitting down, I pulled out my phone and scrolled through my Twitter again. There were even more opinions on well…me and I knew I shouldn’t look at them, but I couldn’t help it.

_ Who is this chick, anyway? I’ve never heard of her _

_ Is Raven Wing really  _ _ scraping _ _ the bottom of the barrel for their openers now? _

I kept getting hit with new and more insulting tweets. Clearly, people weren’t happy with the choice. I fought back a few hurt tears as I locked my phone and put it face down on the table as Jack came over with our food. I put a smile on my face, but I guess it wasn’t convincing.

“Are you okay?” He asked, sitting across from me.

“Me? Oh yeah.” I brushed it off. He raised an eyebrow.

“Really? Because you almost looked upset there for a minute.” He noted. I sighed.

“It-it’s nothing. Just Twitter. I guess some people are a little less than receptive of me.” I admitted. Jack’s expression changed.

“How do you mean?” He asked. I unlocked my phone and handed it to him. He took it and started scrolling slowly through the feed. His face went from slightly sympathetic to in almost shock.

“I can’t believe these people.” He stated, after a few minutes, handing my phone back.

“Yeah, neither can I.” Was my dejected reply.

“I saw some of them first thing this morning. It…wasn’t the reaction I was hoping for, I guess.”

“You saw these earlier?” Jack asked. I nodded.

_ “Is that why you’ve been so distant this morning?” _ I thought for a moment. Not really, but sure…?

“I guess so.” I decided to say. Jack gave me a half smile.

“Welcome to stardom, I guess. It’s part of the act, getting criticized for everything about you. Most are just being petty, trying to make themselves feel better by putting a complete stranger down. I wouldn’t take it too personally. Besides, after your first concert performance, they’ll all be eating their words. I know you’re good, the other guys do, Ally does, that’s all that matters.” Jack explained. I did feel better.

“Thanks Jack.” I told him. He was right, of course.

“Hey, no problem. Believe me, it gets easier. Ally got torn down pretty good when she and Rian started dating publicly. You should talk to her about it, I’m sure she’d help you a lot more than I could.” He responded.

“Yeah, I will. I guess I shouldn’t be so oversensitive about it…” I trailed off. This was good! We were actually having a conversation over breakfast without any awkward silence.

“No, it’s only human. You just gotta learn to let them roll off your back. I mean, even Jesse had to put up with a few rude comments…” Jack said, before realizing. He hadn’t spoken of Jesse in months. I was a little surprised and wondered if he’d break. I held my breath as he looked down for a minute, almost like he was having a moment. When he looked back up though, he seemed unbothered.

“Almost ready to go?” He asked me, his voice a little quiet. I gave him a warm smile.

“Yeah, sure. Ready when you are.”


	9. Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack continues to spoil Rey and she's officially at war with herself over how she feels. Their day out hits a rough patch when they end up in a small fight, but it doesn't last long

As we left the café, I had to collect myself. Old Jack would have flown to pieces at the mention of Jesse.

_ “Maybe he really has changed.” _ I thought. One thing was for sure though, he clearly wasn’t over her, which answered my other wonderings about him. He wasn’t anywhere near romantically interested in me, so I could thrown that one away. I wasn’t entirely relieved by that though, despite all my doubts about it in the first place.

_ “Maybe I’m just a companion for him. Like I told Rian there a while ago, we do have one major thing in common.” _ I thought as I followed Jack to the car.

“So what else have you got planned?” I asked him, getting inside. He turned the ignition.

“Well, we are beginning our tour in two weeks.” He started.

“Um, yeah I know that. So?” I shrugged.

“So…we’ve got to get you prepared.” Was all he replied with.

“Prepared? I- I don’t quite understand.” I stammered. He just smiled and said nothing.

“Surprise?” I inquired.

“You could say that.” Okay, I was curious by then. What exactly counted as preparation? I had everything I needed to perform, I’d been performing auditions for years. I tried to get a sense of where we were going, but London was still very vast and confusing. When we finally stopped, I saw it was a quaint music shop! It made me a little homesick for my music shop back in LA I spent so many days in. I wasn’t sure if it was a record shop or not, but it just reminded me of it.

“Here we are.” Jack announced, getting out of the car. I followed suit.

“What is this place?” I inquired.

“This is Mikey. Rian and I have been getting guitars from him for years.” I’m sorry…guitars?

“This is a guitar shop?” I asked, still unclear as to how that included me.

“Yep, one of the finest. And you are getting a brand new one, right now.” Jack revealed. My mouth fell open.

“What?” I didn’t need a new guitar, did I?

_ “Who are you kidding? Get a new one!” _ I thought. My current electric had been a gift from my parents when I was 17. The year they died. It was special to me, irreplaceable, but it was getting old. It had been second hand when I got it. If I was going to be playing shows and travelling, I did need a new one. That isn’t to say I wouldn’t use my old one ever again, heck, I’d be playing my first show with that baby. But this…this was so sweet. Jack opened the door to the shop and I followed him inside. An older man was behind the counter, flipping through some kind of magazine. He looked up as Jack and I entered and a grin spread across his face.

“Jack Cross, as I live and breathe…how are you, man?” Mikey exclaimed, going to greet Jack. I wondered why the man was so surprised to see Jack if he’d said he and Rian had gotten guitars from this guy for years.

“Hey Mikey, I’m great, how’ve you been?” Jack replied, happy as anything. I stood back, just watching the two guys greet one another in what is best described as the ‘bro hug’.

“Oh, pretty good. Haven’t seen much of you guys though. How’s Rian doing?” Mikey asked.

“Oh Rian’s fine. You just know us, constantly busy, right?” Jack nodded.

“I hear ya. How’s Jesse doin? You two still together?” Was Mikey’s next question. I put two and two together. Mikey hadn’t seen Jack since Jesse died. I held my breath, still wondering if Jack would lose it. He hadn’t at the café and that should have reassured me, but Mikey clearly had a history with the Cross brothers. It could have had a different outcome. I still stood back, not saying a word as Jack paused. I couldn’t see his face, but I wanted to.

“I guess you never found out, eh? Um…Jesse passed away 2 years ago.” Jack finally told his friend. Mikey’s face fell.

“Oh geez…Jack I had no idea…I’m so sorry, mate.” Jack looked away briefly.

“Um…yeah, it’s been hard, but…y’know. Life, right?” He replied with a shrug. I thought he should’ve told his friend the whole truth, but it wasn’t my place. Mikey laid a hand on Jack’s shoulder.

“Yeah, but still…that’s awful, I’m so sorry.” Jack nodded and took a deep breath, surprisingly still doing pretty good.

“Thanks…anyway um…Rey, where’d you…” Jack said slowly, turning to see me still standing at a distance.

“Come over here.” He urged, waving his hand to me. I smiled politely and stepped closer.

“Who’s this?” Mikey asked, kindly.

“Rey. Rey Blythe. Nice to meet you.” I extended my hand and shook his.

“Mike Williams. A pleasure, Rey. So what are you doing out with this guy?” Mikey teased.

“She’s a friend. Actually, she’s going to be opening for us on tour this year.” Jack explained.

“Is that so?” Mikey raised his eyebrows.

“Yes sir.” I replied.

“So I decided to bring Rey here for an upgrade for her shows. Who other to come see but the master, himself?” Jack smiled. So it was true. I was getting a brand new guitar. I tried to contain my excitement as I followed Mikey around the shop as he showed me some of the prettiest instruments I had ever seen. I was quite proud of myself, blowing the older man away with my musical knowledge. Jack let me have my moment and walked a little behind the two of us, but every time I glanced back at him, he had the same happy expression just watching me behave kind of like a kid in a candy store. I didn’t feel weird though, seeing him looking at me the way he was. I guess concluding to myself that we were just friends really relaxed me. I guess it proved my disappointment at first that he didn’t look at me that way was just silliness. I eventually found my favourite out of the guitars, a really snazzy red Epiphone electric. I fiddled with it for a little bit, struck up a bit of While My Guitar Gently Weeps by The Beatles. Mikey looked impressed. Needless to say, I was pretty much high in the clouds by the time my new baby got rung up and paid for…by none other than Jack. I didn’t question it, though I nearly had a heart attack over the price before I remembered Jack was basically Rock-star rich… After he’d paid, Jack looked at me and said

“Why don’t you go get the car warmed up. I’ll be out in a bit.” As he tossed me the keys. I didn’t question it, I figured he wanted to chat with his buddy.

“Sure.” I replied, heading out with my new guitar all cased up. I hummed happily to myself as I set it gently across the back seat and got in the car, turning the ignition and turning the heat up. I sighed, contented and couldn’t wait to give my new guitar a real test drive. I felt a pang of guilt though, thinking of my old guitar.

_ “No peeking!” Mom chuckled as I tried to sneak a look. _

_ “You guys are killing me.” I laughed in answer. I heard footsteps before dad said _

_ “Okay, you can look.” I opened my eyes and gasped. Dad was holding a beautiful black telecaster electric guitar. _

_ “Oh my God!” I cried, excitedly as dad handed it to me and stood with mom. _

_ “We thought it was time you had an electric of your own. It’s not brand new…” Mom trailed off. I didn’t care. _

_ “It’s wonderful. Thank you both so much.” I smiled, hugging both of them. _

I caught myself getting slightly teary, caught up in the memory, but brushed them away. As I did, something started vibrating on the console of the drivers side of Jack’s car. Curious, I reached over and saw it was his phone on the dashboard. I should have left it and just let it go to voicemail, but I picked it up. The caller ID read ‘Dr. Phelps’. Who was Dr. Phelps? I’d never heard a thing about a doctor…was Jack sick? I watched as the call went to voicemail and set the phone back down. He didn’t seem sick…

_ “Well if he was, it would explain why he’s been so great lately…” _ I thought, growing just a little scared. I new drinking a lot had several ramifications on a body…was it possible he was having medical trouble from being so far in the hole? Was it bad news in that voicemail? My good mood was slipping away by the time Jack joined me in the car.

“Sorry, just had to catch up with Mikey. I haven’t seen him in ages.” He apologized, putting on his seat belt. I nodded.

“I gathered that…um, thank you by the way, for the guitar. It was…really not necessary, but I appreciate it.” I told him, though my mid was on the missed phone call. he gave me a smile.

“Hey, I just want you to feel as welcome as possible in the concert world. I-I’m not saying your current guitar is any less important, just it’s always good to have 2, especially on the road.” He explained. I nodded, figuring as much.

“Actually, my telecaster was a gift from my parents…the um, last gift I ever got from them.” I chose to share. I wasn’t sure why. Jack’s expression softened though.

“Oh Rey, I’m so sorry…I hope I didn’t…” He started. I raised my hands.

“No, it’s okay. You’re right. I did need a new one.” I assured him. He looked relieved as I saw him pick up his phone from the dash. My heart skipped a beat.

“Um, that was going off a minute ago.” I said. He looked at his lock screen and redialed the number. I sat in silence as the person…the doctor I guess, picked up.

“Hi, is Dr. Phelps available, I just missed a call… oh, okay. Okay, thank you.” He said before hanging up. I bit my lip.

“Doctor?” I dared ask. Jack tossed his phone back on the dashboard.

“Uh, yeah. Well, not a physical doctor…” He trailed off, looking slightly uncomfortable.

“Oh?” I asked. I should’ve just left it.

“He’s a…you’re gonna laugh at me.” Jack replied.

“No I won’t.” He looked down briefly.

“Okay, uh…he’s a therapist. That’s right, Jack Cross is seeing a shrink.” He looked embarrassed.

“So? That’s nothing to be ashamed of.” I told him, just relieved there was nothing medically wrong with him. He relaxed a little and put the car in drive and pulled out into traffic.

“Yeah, you’re right. You wouldn’t be phased by that. I’ve uh, been seeing him for a few months now. He’s really helped me.” Jack explained. I felt a rush of pride run through me. So Jack’s behavior was genuine. He was getting professional help, I was happy for him.

“Well that’s great, Jack!” I expressed. He smiled.

“Yeah, but don’t you dare tell anyone. I don’t want word getting around about it.” He asked of me. I chuckled.

“It’s really nothing to be ashamed of, Jack. I’m sure the guys and Ally would be just as proud of you as I am.” He shrugged.

“Maybe, but promise you won’t say anything?” He asked. I nodded.

“You have my word.” I promised.

“Thanks, Rey. I knew you’d understand. You probably went to your share of therapists too, right?” He assumed. I paused. Um…what?

“No…I didn’t.” I replied, slightly irked. He looked at me in surprise.

“Really? I just figured…”

“That I was as well off and rich as you? Um, no. I had to work myself to the bone just to eat every day. I had no time or money for a fancy therapist.” For some reason, I was offended. Why would Jack just automatically assume I’d had professional help after my parents died? Not everyone had as much time and resource as he clearly did… would I have benefited from professional help? No doubt! But I had to survive.

“Oh…I’m sorry. If you wanted, I could get you in to see my guy.” He then offered. I let out an incredulous snort.

“Seriously? You think I need to see a therapist?” I snapped. We stopped at a red light.

“You don’t have to get all bent out of shape, Rey. I just thought…”

“Thought what? That I was still a basket case? Gee thanks.” I grumbled.

“Are you saying I am?” Jack accused. I wanted to say something, but I’d just be adding fuel to the fire. So I shut my mouth and stared out my window the entire way back to the house. When we arrived, I was still pissed off. I grabbed my new guitar from the back that I didn’t even want anymore and stormed in the house. Jack didn’t try and come after me or anything, which was good. I was going to run off to my room at first, but got a better idea. Marching down the hallway, I headed for the basement.

_ “How dare he.” _ I thought, bitterly. Assuming I needed a therapist just because I hadn’t had one five years ago. When I got downstairs and flicked the lights on, I blinked back tears. I didn’t know why it had struck such a chord with me, but I think bringing up that time still made me a little raw. I set down my new guitar, not feeling like opening it and sat down at the piano instead. Visions flickered in front of my eyes of seventeen year old me working a 10 hour shift at some dumpy restaurant just to have dinner that night and laying awake crying all night long in my postage stamp sized apartment, just so incredibly sad and lonely. I hung my head over the piano and a few tears slid down the bridge of my nose. I tapped the keys delicately with my fingernails and pressed them.

“I heard there was a secret chord

David played and it pleased the Lord

But you don't really care for music, do you?

Well it goes like this: the fourth, the fifth

The minor fall and the major lift

The baffled king composing Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah…” I let my emotions fuel the song.

“Well baby, I have been here before

Seen this room, I've walked this floor

I used to live alone before I knew you

And I've seen your flag on the marble arch

And love is not a victory march

It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah…” Tears welled in my eyes. The Leonard Cohen version of that song had been my dad’s favourite song. The Alyssa Reid version I was playing, made feel very close to him in that moment.

“Well, maybe there is a God above

But all I've ever learned from love

Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you

And it's not a cry that you hear at night

And it's not somebody who's seen the light

It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah….” I played the last chord before sitting and just staring at the wall in front of me.

“I’m sorry.” A voice behind me startled me. I turned, drying my eyes, to see Jack standing a little ways away with his hands in his pockets. I cleared my throat and looked down.

“I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have gotten snippy with you.” I admitted, rising from the piano bench.

“But it really wasn’t my business.” He added. I raised my hands.

“I-It’s okay. Let’s just forget it.” I decided, fighting back tears still. His blue eyes softened.

“You’re still upset.” He noticed. I shook my head.

“I-I’m fine, just the song I was playing… it was my dad’s favourite.” I shared. I couldn’t hide that I was actually having a rough time with my memories at that moment. Jack held out his arms to me.

“Come here.” He urged. I hesitated. I’d only ever hugged him twice before, once while he was a hungover mess of emotion. Both times I’d initiated it too, so it was kind of strange seeing him offering one. I did go to him though, and he hugged me tight. Feeling the warm embrace just made me burst into tears. I felt stupid at first, but realized our roles had somewhat been reversed. I was having a hard time over my loss, though it was longer ago than his was, but that didn’t matter. I was allowed to still feel raw over it. Jack seemed to understand that and I was grateful for him in that moment. He stood there patiently as I cried in his arms.

“It’s going to be okay.” He told me.

“Thank you, Jack.” I sniffed, several minutes later, looking up at him. I probably looked horrible, but he didn’t seem to notice. He gave me a small smile and said

“What are friends for?”


	10. Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey finally admits to Ally that she has feelings for Jack, of which Ally tells her she's definitely in love which is so much worse in Rey's eyes. Jack continues to be a sweetheart to her, even arranging a special surprise for her as the tour kicks off.

_ “What are friends for?” _ Jack’s words echoed in my mind long after I felt better. So we were that, friends. I was glad to know that, but especially after he’d held me while I had my moment there, the thoughts I had regarding him in a different light resurfaced with a vengeance. That night, all I could dream about was him. I knew I was being silly, and I was just developing a schoolgirl crush on him, but I couldn’t deny that I was starting, very slowly, to feel things for him I passed off as foolishness. The next morning though, I was slightly embarrassed by my dreams and pretty much needed a cold shower before I could face the day. I didn’t know what it was. Knowing that he was making great progress since I first arrived, seeing a therapist, making social strides with me and opening up to me, a stranger, made me feel so happy. Thinking about him gave me butterflies and I caught myself with a dopey grin on my face more than once that day. I didn’t want to be blatantly obvious, mostly because I knew I’d never amount to anything but his new friend who had experience with a similar tragic event in their life as he did. The logical side of me knew what was the truth; Jack respected me and viewed me as a friend, a companion. He wasn’t ready to move on, he still thought of Jesse and I didn’t see why he shouldn’t. She was a huge chunk of his life… he loved her. I knew that he’d probably never fully move on. Earlier, I had rejected the notion of him falling for me, more because I didn’t want to be the rebound girlfriend who lasted a couple months before imploding completely. But now…my heart didn’t care. I just wanted him. It was a constant war, I’ll admit that. Fawning one moment, and then coming back to reality. It was a weird feeling and I had trouble explaining it, even to myself. It was hard to imagine that I hated him so much at first. So with all that on my shoulders as they days went forward, we were also insanely busy, prepping for the tour. I had to get my song list ready and send it to Mr. Carr to approve on; which I wasn’t thrilled about, but this was the opportunity of a lifetime so I wasn’t going to start complaining about my personal issues with someone. The guys were constantly running, it seemed, which for me was better because the less I saw of Jack, the better it was for me until I could lasso my heart and glue it back into place where it belonged. I thought I was doing a great job keeping it to myself, while I prepared for the biggest chapter of my life, but obviously not a perfect one.

“Hey.” Ally greeted me one afternoon as I sat in the kitchen, munching on some grapes and checking over my approved setlist for the millionth time, making sure it would be utterly flawless. I’d played through it like five times already, but I was still paranoid on forgetting a verse or something stupid. I looked up at my friend though and smiled.

“Hey. Rian isn’t here. The guys are out running like headless chickens getting ready for Thursday.” I told her.

“Oh I know. I didn’t come to see Ri. I came to see you.” She replied.

“Well aren’t you sweet.” I chuckled, half teasing. She stood across from me at the island in the kitchen where I was perched on a barstool. Ally folded her arms and gave me a look.

“What?” I asked, biting down on a grape.

“When are you gonna admit it?” She asked me.

“Admit what?” I inquired, innocently. As far as anybody knew I was completely fine, completely normal. Right?

“Come on, Rey…don’t play dumb with me, you’ve got it so bad.” She chuckled.

“I-I really don’t know what…” I trailed off as I heard a door slam and Jack come running into the kitchen.

“Hey, did either of you see my phone?” He asked, a little breathless. I got up, heart hammering against my rib cage.

“When did you have it…oh wait, there it is.” I said, seeing it over on the counter. I went and grabbed it and handed it to him. He smiled, relieved.

“Oh, thanks Rey. I swear, prep week has me all frazzled.” He half laughed, checking his phone.

“I hear ya, I’m a little on the frazzled side, myself.” I said with a light giggle. He flashed me a kind smile.

“It’ll all be worth it though, I promise.” He told me and I smiled in return. He then bid both of us goodbye and took off out the front door. As it closed behind him, I let out a happy sigh, forgetting I wasn’t alone.

“Again, you’ve got it bad, girl.” Ally piped up with a laugh. I faced her, knowing I’d been busted. I reddened a little bit and she laughed again.

“I knew it!” She exclaimed, coming to the other side of the island.

“Knew what? There’s nothing to know.” I insisted.

“Oh please, every time I see you lately, you’ve got this puppy dog look on your face whenever Jack’s around, you laugh at his jokes even if they’re stupid corny, if you were a cartoon just now, you’d have heart eyes.” She replied. Okay, she made some good points. But was it  **that** obvious? I bit my lip.

“Okay, okay, you got me.” I admitted, turning my palms upward. Ally squealed.

“Oh my God! You like him!” She exclaimed, excitedly. I shushed her, nervously.

“Shh! Don’t scream it…no one is supposed to know.” I said, blushing again. She laughed.

“Aww, someone’s shy.” She teased.

“Ally, you have got to promise me you won’t breathe a word.” I asked, dead serious. She held up her hand.

“Scout’s honor. But I need details! When did you start feeling like this?” She asked, way too happy. I folded my arms behind my back and rocked on my heels.

“Um…I dunno, maybe a week or so ago…but it’s nothing, I promise. It’s probably just a dumb crush. Nothing’s ever gonna come out of it.” I shrugged.

“Well why say that? You don’t know that.” I looked down. Did I want to tell her why?

“Jesse, right?” Ally guessed on her own. I looked up again and nodded slowly.

“I don’t wanna be that girl. I don’t want to try and force him to get over someone who was such a big part of his life.” I told her. Ally paused.

“I guess that makes sense, but you don’t know until you try, right? For all you know, Jack might feel the exact same way about you.” She pointed out.

“I guess so, but…I think I’m just afraid to know the answer. I-it’s just a crush anyway. It’ll pass.” I said.

“How does he make you feel?” An odd question, but I answered.

“Um…happy. Happy, confused, a little sick…sad knowing it’s just a fantasy…” I trailed off, feeling a little dumb. Ally grinned at me though.

“That isn’t a crush, honey.” She stated. I gave her a funny look.

“No? It must be…”

“Rey…you’re in love.” She explained with a chuckle. I stared. No, no I wasn’t!

“I-I can’t be… it’s stupid.” I stammered.

“It doesn’t matter what it is. You feel insanely happy whenever he’s around, right? You can’t stop thinking about him, you dream about him, you get awful bouts of butterflies and mild nausea just thinking about him, he makes you want to laugh and cry all at the same time…that’s 100% love, Rey Blythe.” She elaborated. I was at a loss for words. Ally had hit all those right on the head.

“H-How do you know all this?” I asked.

“Because it’s exactly how I felt, falling in love with Rian.” I needed a moment with that one. Sure I had my share of crushes growing up at school, but never anything serious. I wanted to think of this as the same, when Ally was right. It wasn’t a little crush, this felt way different. Standing there, I started feeling a little scared. After my mom and dad had died, I closed my heart off to everything and everybody. It was safer that way, so no one else could be tragically taken from me. I didn’t want to have my heart broken again. That’s exactly what I was afraid of with Jack. I didn’t want to tell Ally that, though.

“Oh…” Was all I could say to that. Ally came forward and touched my shoulder.

“You don’t have to be worried about it. But you should decide whether to do something about it or not, because it’s gonna drive you crazy…” She smiled.

“I don’t want to have my heart broken.” I blurted, without really thinking. Great. Ally took a step back.

“Well, I think that crosses all our minds at one point or another. It’s part of the experience, I guess. I don’t think Jack’s the type that would, though. Just saying.” I sighed. I had to explain, now.

“I couldn’t go through another heartbreak, Ally. I’ve already suffered a huge one in my life, so has he. I don’t know if it would be a good idea to…follow through on my feelings. What if he doesn’t feel the same? What if we work but have a horrible break up a few months later once he realizes I’ll never be Jesse… I just… it’s complicated.” I fretted, folding my arms across my chest. Ally was silent for the longest time as I stared at the linoleum floor, feeling like some lovesick idiot. I couldn’t do anything, It would be foolish to even try, right?

“Well, I guess you just have to ask yourself one very important question. Is your love for Jack strong enough to give it a shot, anyway?” Ally’s question weighed heavily on my mind for the next few days. By the time Thursday, April 13 rolled around, I was a bucket of nerves. I still hadn’t decided about the Jack thing; I was still very much at war with myself over him, and I was about to play my first show, live, in front of a sold out stadium. I knew I needed to focus all of my attention into performing, but it wasn’t easy. I met the band’s team of roadies that day, who would be accompanying us on the tour, and was told they had a tour bus, but wouldn’t be joining up with it until the show in Berlin Germany in 2 weeks. As for the show schedule, the first one would be at the O2 in London, of course. From there, we’d do 3 other shows in the UK. One in Cardiff, Wales, one in Manchester and one in Edinburgh, Scotland. From there, we’d hit Ireland before taking off for Paris, Hamburg, then Berlin. There were a ton more cities and we’d be back tracking all the way through Europe before heading overseas to America toward the fall. The tour would end in New York City. It was wildly exciting, but also unnerving. I guess you could say by the time all of us got to the venue that evening, I was so jumpy, I could have easily jumped out of my own skin. Ally had left already, she got a special spot because she was basically family. I was in my dressing room, staring at a table full of snacks all for me and just feeling nauseated. I knew I was needed onstage for a rehearsal in less than ten minutes and was trying to pull myself together.

“This is it. This is the big moment. You can do this.” I tried to give myself a bit of a pep talk. I recalled the hurtful comments I’d seen on Twitter about me. This was my chance to show the haters they were completely wrong about me. I had to blow everyone’s minds. Just as I was preparing to get up and head for the stage area, there was a knock at my door.

“It’s open.” I replied, my voice tight. The door opened to reveal Jack. I ignored my rapid heartbeat and stood.

“Hey.” I greeted him, casually.

“How are you doin?” He asked. I let out a small laugh.

“Can I be honest?”

“Sure.”

“I’m kind of freaking out.” I admitted. Jack gave me a kind smile.

“You’ll be amazing, don’t worry.” He assured me.

“Thanks…I know I’m just being over dramatic, I mean this is ultimately where I wanted to end up in my life anyway. I guess I just never truly thought it’d happen to me.” I confessed. He stepped closer to me and I tried to stay calm.

“Well believe it, Rey Blythe. And you more than deserve it.” He told me, taking my hands in his. I stared into his crystal blue eyes and almost felt myself melt into them before he stepped back.

“Now, let’s go get you set up.” He offered. I took a second to collect myself and ignore the mental image of what I wanted to happen only moments ago.

“Um, yeah…sure.” I agreed, taking a breath. Jack must’ve passed it off as just me being nervous about the show, but oh he had no idea. I followed him then, out of the room and toward the stage area where my black guitar was already set up with an impressive amp. I hadn’t really discussed my choice to use my old one at my first show with Jack, but he knew it was special to me, so I liked to think he understood without me having to say anything. As I walked onto the impressive stage, Jack waved his hand behind him and suddenly the backdrop of the stage lit up, revealing this brilliantly bright screen with my name across it in huge letters! I let out a laugh of surprise.

“What’s this for?” I asked.

“Well the fans need to know who you are. And after your set…you’ll be signing these for anyone who wants one.” Jack then said, pulling out a CD from his jacket pocket. I was dumbfounded as he handed it to me. The cover was a photo of my old black guitar and the title was  **_‘Rey Blythe: The Studio Sessions’._ **

“Wh-what is this?” I asked, just completely stunned.

“Oh, it’s just a little something I had our producers at the studio put together. It’s every song on your set list you’ve been recording for days back at the house. I piled it all on a flash drive and the producers picked the best takes of each track. I figured I’d show it to you now, sort of a little gift…a welcome to the tour type thing.” He explained. I was floored. He’d done all this for me?

“O-oh my God…I don’t know what to say!” I cried, still completely blown away.

“I’d take a thank you, if you’ve got one.” He teased. I laughed and threw my arms around him out of pure excitement.

“Thank you! Thank you, so much.” He hugged me back and chuckled.

“You’re welcome, Rey.”

************************************

By the time it was show time, I was a mix of nerves, excitement and a whole list of other emotions. I still couldn’t believe Jack had done all that… for me. As far as I could tell, none of the other guys knew anything about the CD, and it made me wonder what had compelled Jack to put that together for me. Of course at first, I was telling myself it was because he had feelings for me, but that couldn’t have been it. I was a brand new act. I didn’t have any promo, any album, nothing and he was just helping me gain some public face. That seemed reasonable enough, right? Though secretly, I told myself he’d done it because he was in love with me, though that was just ridiculous. I heard the crowd long before I saw them, the guys were long gone, getting themselves ready for their own show, but I was okay, just a little shaky.

“You’ve got this, Rey.” I told myself strongly as I stepped out onto the stage and faced the microphone. My band (I was told the same group of guys who accompanied every opener for Raven Wing) were all set up, awaiting my arrival. I had met them briefly and made sure they had the music they needed, but Jack assured me these guys were pros. Before I could let my nerves completely take control of me and send me running in the opposite direction or something, I said

“Good evening, London!” Cheers greeted me and I felt my nerves begin to fizzle away. I could almost see my mom and dad looking down from heaven, pleased and proud at where I was and how far I’d come. I wasn’t entirely sure if I believed it, but it was a comforting image.

“My name is Rey Blythe and I’m gonna be with you all for the next fifty minutes, so get ready! Let’s go!” I stated, enthusiastically as I picked up my guitar and waved to the band behind me to begin playing. The excitement was electric as I made my way through the set list. I didn’t expect people to sing along to songs they didn’t know, but I hoped that’d change with the release of my studio album that I still was ecstatic about. My last song though, was a cover and as I began playing that, I hoped maybe I’d get some singing along. I was drenched in sweat by then, but I wasn’t nervous in the least.

“According to you

I'm stupid,

I'm useless,

I can't do anything right.

According to you

I'm difficult,

hard to please,

forever changing my mind.

I'm a mess in a dress,

can't show up on time,

even if it would save my life.

According to you. According to you.

But according to him

I'm beautiful,

incredible,

he can't get me out of his head.

According to him

I'm funny,

irresistible,

everything he ever wanted.

Everything is opposite,

I don't feel like stopping it,

so baby tell me what I got to lose.

He's into me for everything I'm not,

according to you…” I beamed as the crowd went crazy, singing along with the chorus. The feeling was absolutely thrilling.

“According to you

I'm boring,

I'm moody,

you can't take me any place.

According to you

I suck at telling jokes cause I always give it away.

I'm the girl with the worst attention span;

you're the boy who puts up with that.

According to you. According to you.

But according to him

I'm beautiful,

incredible,

he can't get me out of his head.

According to him

I'm funny,

irresistible,

everything he ever wanted.

Everything is opposite,

I don't feel like stopping it,

so baby tell me what I got to lose.

He's into me for everything I'm not,

according to you.

I need to feel appreciated,

like I'm not hated. oh... no...

Why can't you see me through his eyes?

It's too bad you're making me decide…” I let myself go right into the guitar solo and hoped that’d get people talking.

“According to me

you're stupid,

you're useless,

you can't do anything right.

But according to him

I'm beautiful,

incredible,

he can't get me out of his head.

According to him

I'm funny,

irresistible,

everything he ever wanted.

Everything is opposite,

I don't feel like stopping it,

baby tell me what I got to lose.

He's into me for everything I'm not,

according to you. (you, you)

According to you. (you, you)

According to you

I'm stupid,

I'm useless,

I can't do anything right.”

I finished with one last power chord and the crowd went bananas. But that was it from me, I’d successfully finished my very first live show!

“Thank you London, you’ve been amazing! Now, if any of you have liked what your heard tonight, I’ll be signing copies of my studio album for you guys out front in ten minutes!” I announced. More cheers as I ran offstage. I knew the general way I had to go to get to where I needed to be, thanks to Jack and I knew I had just 25 minutes before Raven Wing began their set. I planned to drop my guitar off in my dressing room and head right over to the table that I was told would be set up for me, but I ran into the guys all crowded in the corridor, looking for me.

“Hey!” I said, happy as anything.

“So? How do you feel?” Rian asked me outright. I let out a laugh and slowed to a stop.

“Absolutely amazing. It was…just amazing.” I said, sort of at a loss for words.

“There’s no going back now, eh? Once you taste performing live, your life will never be the same again…” Cameron stated, being melodramatic on purpose. I gave a breathless chuckle.

“You really did smash it, Rey. Well done.” Chris complimented.

“Thanks guys. Really, for the opportunity, for …everything.” I grinned.

“Well hey, it wasn’t even us, for the majority. You have to talk to this guy.” Rian winked, pointing to his brother who was looking at me with shimmering eyes. I faced him and my heart raced. I wasn’t sure if it was from the adrenaline or because it was him, but I beamed.

“You were incredible, Rey. See? I told you, didn’t I?” He smiled.

“You did. And you were right, it was…I keep saying amazing, but that’s all I can think of.” The two of us fell silent, just staring at one another for a few moments.

“I-I should go. Good luck, in advance, you guys!” I said, hurriedly as I took off down the corridor.

“You know where you’re going, right?” Jack called after me.

“I’ll find it!” I replied over my shoulder. It was the start of a great night!


	11. Ten

At first, I really didn’t think many would show up for my CD, but I was very much surprised when I got to my table and saw a security guard standing by, keeping watch over the huge lineup of fans waiting to receive my CD! I felt a huge rush of emotion come over me, but kept it together as I went behind the table and greeted the crowd kindly. It was a very fast 25 minutes and I signed countless copies of my album. It occurred to me as I signed the first one that I didn’t really have a trademark signature. Why hadn’t I thought that out? That being said, I just chose to write it as I would on a signed document and it actually turned out alright. Everyone seemed immensely thrilled by me and a few even wanted pictures. I couldn’t get the huge smile off of my face, even when the intro music for Raven Wing began. I didn’t have a single CD left, so I took off again, before I realized I still had my guitar with me, strapped across my body. I let out a laugh to myself and wondered if I looked like a total dork in the pictures I took with fans. I guessed I would find out on social media in a few hours… I headed back to the backstage area and finally collapsed on the couch in my dressing room. Adrenaline coursed through my veins as I came down off my high. But then it hit me. Jack, Rian, Cameron and Chris were onstage! I couldn’t miss this! Getting up quickly, I ran out of my dressing room and down the hall to the stage entrance where I stood just as they went into the first chorus from Battle Cry. I grinned, feeling the rush run through me again. I stayed out of sight, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t sing along. And I did, as loud as I possibly could.

_ “Let me hear your battle cry _

_ Pump your fist and shout to the sky _

_ We’re all warriors, you and I _

_ So get up, jump high _

_ Let me hear your battle cry.”  _ I knew Rian had single handedly wrote that song, but it made me wonder about the meaning behind it. Was it maybe a secret message to Jack during those dark days? Maybe I’d never know, but I couldn’t deny it was one hell of a song. Their entire set was amazing. Of course, I’d heard it a hundred times over those last few months, and I’d written most of the others they played, but still, seeing it live was absolutely incredible. The last song they did was one Jack had written. I knew that, I’d known that for weeks.

“Thank you guys so much for coming out tonight, you’ve been absolutely incredible. Unfortunately this is our last song of the evening, it’s one I wrote. This is Pieces.” Jack said to the crowd. Cheers erupted, clearly it was a favourite. It was also the song from which the title of their album came. And it was 100% about Jesse. I felt a twinge of something inside of me I couldn’t quite identify as the slower song began. Part of me wondered if Jack would make it through the song as it featured only him on vocals. He had been fine several times before… I was pretty tense during those four minutes.

_ Knowing you don’t smile every day _

_ Terrified you’ll all but slip away from me _

_ Please… hold on, hold on _

_ Waking up and knowing that you’re gone _

_ Laying here in the dark all alone _

_ Baby… you’re cutting me to pieces, to pieces…  _ To a normal fan, it may have sounded like a guy singing to a struggling fan, some might even find it comforting and helpful in their own personal crises. But I knew the truth. Still, Jack held it together and even smiled when the song finished and they all thanked their fans once again. I ducked back and headed for their dressing room to congratulate them, as I shoved away that twinge. I heard them before I saw them. Hooting and hollering all down the corridor, laughing, carrying on, it was nice to hear. I couldn’t help but smile as they filed into the room, all sweaty.

“Rey! How’d the album signing go?” Jack was the first to see me.

“Great, a lot turned up, some even wanted pictures.” I recounted, excitement in my voice. The other three offered their scattered congrats for me but Jack was the most ecstatic.

“Really? That’s great!” He exclaimed, going for a hug. It seemed to be our thing now.

“Woah, woah, eww you’re all sweaty!” I cried though, as he got closer.

“So are you.” He laughed. Oh yeah. We embraced and I laughed again.

“You’re shirt is completely soaked.” I noted. He laughed in return.

“Half of it’s water if that helps… but yeah it is pretty soaked.” He said, then throwing the shirt off over his head. I tried not to stare as I heard Rian, Cameron and Chris behind me chatting amongst themselves. But I couldn’t deny that oh sweet Lord, my heart rate just about skyrocketed.

“Better?” Jack smirked at me and I fought a blush. Hard.

“You goon, cover yourself up.” I laughed, teasing him as I tossed him a towel from nearby. As my gaze moved across him again though, I noticed something I’d never seen before. A tattoo on his right shoulder/upper arm of a black bird; a Raven, taking flight. I never knew he had a tattoo, much less such a cool looking one. It made me think of my own. That’s right, I had a tattoo, though I never told anyone about it. Jack was mopping his sweaty face with the towel and caught me looking at the tattoo.

“Like it?” He asked, startling me slightly.

“Um…yeah it’s pretty cool.” I replied, with a half smile. I wanted to ask him more about it, but then Ally came running in. She screeched to a halt just beyond the doorway.

“You all were absolutely fantastic!” She cried, clapping her hands happily. Rian went to her and they shared a kiss as Jack reached for a new black t shirt I didn’t know he had and put it on.

“Are you at all of their shows?” I asked Ally out of pure curiosity, silently thankful Jack had put a shirt on again…I was pretty near ready to have a heart attack. She nodded eagerly.

“Wouldn’t miss em for the world and yet these morons still manage to impress me every single time.” She replied, with a teasing glance at her boyfriend.

“Who you callin’ morons, Al?” Jack challenged, playfully. I don’t think I’d ever seen him in that great of a mood before. I liked it. She just poked her tongue out at him; I laughed.

“And you! Miss rock star, congrats on your first show! How did it feel?” Ally turned her attention to me. I beamed as she gave me a hug.

“Absolutely incredible, Ally. I mean…it was just mind blowing.” I replied with a delighted laugh.

“Well good, I’m so glad.”

“Yeah and a lot turned out for the signing too.” I nodded.

“I meant to ask you about that. Did you arrange that all yourself? I never heard you mention anything about it until your announcement.” She inquired. I looked over my shoulder as the guys all were talking amongst themselves.

“Actually… Jack put it all together for me. I-I had no idea.” I told her, though I knew what her reaction would be. She was about to scream, I could tell.

“Oh my God, no way!” She whisper yelled. I still shushed her, silently. A smile tugged at my lips as I did so.

“Rey, that was so incredibly sweet of him… have you talked to him yet?” she inquired, giving me a look.

“What? No, are you crazy?” I whispered, blushing slightly.

“Well why not? It’s obvious he likes you too…”

_ “Like and love are very different.”  _ I thought, but just gave Ally a smile.

“I’ll do it…just not tonight.” Well that was a lie, but she didn’t have to know that. Just then, I felt a hand on my shoulder and Ally hid a smile. I turned to face Jack again.

“Hey. What’s up?” I asked him. He had an odd expression on his face.

“Hey, um… can I talk to you for a minute…alone?” He asked, looking beyond me to Ally. My mouth went dry. What was happening?

“Um…sure. Sure, let’s go in the hall.” I suggested, nodding toward the doorway. Jack nodded, going ahead of me and Ally’s expression made me fight a blush. I gave her a shrug before following Jack into the hallway. We went down a ways before he finally stopped and faced me, causing me to run right into him.

“Whoops, sorry.” He apologized, looking down at me as he caught me. I looked up into his blue eyes and imagined him just pulling me in and kissing me so passionately that I’d have trouble standing on my own. I cleared my throat though and took a step back.

“Don’t worry…just me being clumsy. What did you wanna talk about?” I asked, awkwardly tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear. Jack smiled, but it faded slowly.

“I just uh…I wanted to thank you.” He finally said.

“Thank me? What for?” I was puzzled. He had nothing to thank me for; I had everything to thank  **him** for.

“For coming to London, for sticking it out, for not giving up on me…” He listed. Where was this coming from?

“Um…you’re welcome, but… I think you’ve thanked me already for some of those things.” I pointed out.

“No, no, I know. Just… tonight was just so incredible and part of that…well a huge part of that is because of you.” I smiled a little.

“It was a group effort.” I replied, modestly. Jack paused before he told me what he was really thinking.

“Rey, this was the first show I played stone cold sober, in two years.” He confessed. My jaw went slack a little, causing my mouth to open, slightly. I had absolutely no idea, though I didn’t know why the thought had never occurred to me before.

“Oh…wow.” Was all I could say. Silence.

_ “Say something!” _ I thought.

“Jack, I had no idea. That-that has to be quite an accomplishment. I-I’m proud of you.” I stumbled through that sentence, but it was sincere. He let out a breath and smiled again.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m proud of me too. I-I never even thought I’d see myself on the other side of that tunnel. But it was you who saved me.”

_ “Kiss him!”  _ I thought. It was highly tempting, and given the situation I was pretty sure he’d accept it, but I curbed myself. I shook my head instead and pointed at him.

“You changed you.” He liked that.

“Still, if you hadn’t come…God knows where I’d be right now. You don’t know how special you are to me because of that.” My heart skipped a beat. I was special to him?

_ “As a friend, Rey.”  _ I silently reminded myself. It was hard to keep that in mind though as he wrapped his arms around me and drew me into a hug. Even though my emotions were warring with themselves, I relaxed into the embrace and breathed in the scent of his cologne.

“You two okay?” I suddenly heard a voice and stepped out of Jack’s grasp. It was Rian and Ally. I cleared my throat again, slightly embarrassed.

“Um…yeah, yeah we’re fine.” I stammered, walking away. Jack lagged behind with his brother, but Ally sped up and made pace with me.

“Did he kiss you?” She wanted to know.

“No…we talked.” I clarified.

“That didn’t look like talking, honey?” She teased in a soft voice. I gave her a sideways glance.

“It was a hug.” I shrugged. She snorted.

“Rey, I know what a hug looks like. That was more like the both of you holding one another in something that went beyond friendship.” I sighed.

“It was just a hug.” I repeated.

“Did you even see what he was doing?” I gave her a puzzled look.

“No…”

“You didn’t feel his chin on top of your head? Him rubbing your back? I saw it all.” She told me. I stared at her with a stunned expression and stopped. Jack and Rian were too far back, they couldn’t hear us.

“You’re telling stories…” I accused. I hadn’t felt any of that. But then again…I’d been too caught up in the moment to notice. Ally held up her hand.

“I swear to God it’s the truth.” I needed a minute with that one. I felt a chill run up my spine, knowing he’d been that close.

“I’m telling you Rey. I think your feelings for him are the same on his end.” She restated. I felt a whole spectrum of things. Happy, tingly, excited, warm, alive…but also scared, nervous, and slightly terrified. Images filled my mind of Jesse, though I had no idea what she looked like in real life. I couldn’t be jealous of her, that was just mean and unfair. I wasn’t jealous, I was just worried about the inevitable. Jack; if he even did see me that way, would soon realize I wasn’t Jesse. I’d been over it in my head a hundred times. He’d realize I wasn’t her and drop me so fast, I’d spend years probably wondering what happened. Though my heart knew I loved him, I knew I had to keep my distance. That embrace had been too close. I wasn’t near ready to bare my heart like that and I nearly had.

“I-I can’t…” I stammered, before taking off at a speedy walk before Ally saw my tears. It still was a wonderful night, I just wished I could be at peace with myself. Part of me wished I still hated Jack. Somehow, I thought it would be easier.

***************************************

I tossed and turned all night long. You’d think it was because I was so high after the concert, but that wasn’t it. My insides were in absolute turmoil over Jack. All I could see in my head was us, in each others arms like we were. I saw us kissing, like I longed to do and I dreamt I made him happy. But visions of my image of Jesse soon flooded my mind and I stared at the ceiling most of the night. She’d made him happy, she was his love. Why would I even hold a candle to what she’d meant to Jack? I was up early that morning, which was good because we had to take off for Cardiff by midday and a lot still had to be done. The bad part was, I’d barely gotten any sleep. As I rose, before the sun and crawled into the shower, I hoped I’d get some sleep on the three hour drive, but it didn’t seem likely. Needless to say, I was quite removed from myself that morning. First, I put my shirt on inside out, then backwards…I nearly fell down the stairs and just everything made me want to cry. The house was silent at first, but it wasn’t long before the guys and Ally started trickling down. All except Jack. As 8:00 rolled around, we really had to get moving. Rian checked his watch and looked up toward the stairs.

“I don’t think he’s even up yet. I’m gonna go see what’s up.” Rian decided. By then, Cameron and Chris were loading the van - we were using for the UK shows - with the roadies for the show up with all of our equipment. I’d already packaged up my brand new guitar to play with that night. Ally was busy in the kitchen making to go lunches for us all and I had been helping her until I saw Rian pacing like a caged animal waiting for his brother. Just as Rian was about to go upstairs, Cameron came in and said to him

“Man, we need your help out there.” Rian looked over at me.

“Jack isn’t up yet…” He trailed off. I dusted my hands off and walked over to them. I don’t know what possessed me to do what I did.

“I’ll get him up. You go help.” I delegated. Rian shot me a grateful look before following Cameron. I knew we were all hopelessly busy and a little stressed with fresh pre-show jitters. It didn’t help that Jack was still lazing around in bed. Running up the steps two at a time, I briefly panicked that he’d gotten drunk after our talk in the back corridor. If he’d not been able to deal with the hurdle he’d overcome. As I reached the top of the stairs, I realized I had no idea where I was going, but I went in the opposite direction of where my room was and found a different hallway with two doors, both shut. I opened the first one and the bed was made neatly, the room was perfectly spotless and empty. I saw a PINK sweater folded at the end of the bed that was Ally’s so I quickly gathered it was Rian’s room. I closed the door and moved to the second one. It had to be Jack’s. I knocked softly and opened the door slowly. There was a huge change between Rian’s room and his brothers. Jack’s almost looked like a bomb had gone off. I stepped inside though and quickly saw Jack in the bed, laying on his stomach and completely gone to the world. The blankets just barely covered his bottom half, completely exposing his back muscles. I let out a breath before regaining my composure. I lifted my fingers to my mouth and whistled shrilly through them. Jack Cross nearly glued himself to the ceiling. I was dog tired, but I had to admit, that was pretty damn funny. He launched himself out of the bed.

“What? What? What’s going on?” He demanded, dazed, until he saw me, smiling like a scamp.

“What the hell, Rey?” He whined. I tried not to notice the fact he was just in his boxers and kept my eyes up.

“It is past 8:00, mister. Everyone else is up already and running around like crazy getting ready to leave. Get a move on!” I told him, with a quick clap of my hands. A smile threatened and it was hard to pretend I was mad at him. He yawned and gave me a grumpy look I could see right through.

“Fine, fine, I’m coming, mum.” He teased. I just stuck my tongue out at him.

“I ain’t your mamma.” I replied, being all sassy, as I sauntered out of the room. As I closed the door behind me, I nearly freaked out. What had I just done? I was sleep deprived and punchy, but I had just full on flirted with Jack freaking Cross. I caught my breath in the back of my throat as my fears returned.

_ “Why did you do that?” _ I thought, mad at myself. I might as well have pounced on him in bed; not that the thought hadn’t flickered across my mind. I felt tears prick my tired eyes as I forced myself down the hallway and back down the stairs. I caught Ally’s eye, but kept walking until I was outside with the guys.

“How’d it go?” Rian asked me. I blinked the tears back and put on a smile.

“His Highness was still slumbering away, but I scared his ass outta bed, so if he tries to kill me later, you know why.” I said with a light, airy laugh. The other three gave amused snorts before I went back in the house to rejoin Ally who no doubt had a few well meaning teases to give me. I saw her finishing up in the kitchen, but she wasn’t alone. Jack was in there too, making his way through a steaming mug of coffee. He still looked a little bleary eyed and I hid a smile.

“There you are. I’m just about finished here, then Jack says we should probably hit the road.” Ally said, not a care in her voice. I gave Jack a sideways glance.

“Oh he does, does he? Mr. Lazy is calling the shots now?” I teased. What was with me? I was heartbroken over reality regarding Jack and I, I literally got no sleep from pining over him, I pretty much resigned myself to be miserable for the rest of my life based on my own fears and yet here I was, shamelessly teasing and flirting my ass off with him.

_ “You are going to die alone.” _ I told myself. Jack pouted, though he was completely joking.

“It’s bad enough you scare me half to death out of a dead sleep, now you’re insulting me?” He pretended to look offended. I just gave his arm a light punch.

“Oh get over it, you baby.” I teased. Just then, Rian came in.

“We’re all set out there, love. You ready?” He said, addressing his girlfriend. She smiled.

“Yep, ready when you are.” She agreed, picking up the large cooler by its handle. I went to go help her out as Jack followed his brother outside.

“Laying it on a little thick there, aren’t you?” Ally murmured into my ear. So she noticed. I hid a blush and replied

“I’m just really tired. Didn’t get much sleep last night.” I didn’t know why I told her that, because it prompted a sly look.

“Too busy pining over a certain tall, dark haired man with eyes the colour of the pacific ocean?” Now who was laying it on thick? I didn’t give her an answer, I just marched out of the house, grabbing my bag as I did so.


	12. Eleven

As I predicted, I didn’t sleep a wink on the drive to Cardiff. That isn’t to say I wasn’t in a mood, because I most certainly was. Along with trying to sort out my all over the place emotions, I was feeling the embarrassment of being such a flirt so far that morning with someone I loved so much that it was breaking my heart. I still kept seeing my version of Jesse in my head and silently hating myself for feeling jealous of someone who had suffered greatly and died. I guess you could truly say I was downright lovesick and despite Ally’s urging, I couldn’t do anything about it. I’d sooner die than own up to my feelings with Jack and have him shoot me down. Or worse yet, lead me on for weeks before deciding I wasn’t going to work for him. My stomach was churning for three solid hours in that van. I had headphones on for mostly all of it, but even that didn’t really help. Ally was next to me the entire trip and she slept. I envied her peace of mind. I wondered if I’d ever feel normal again.

**********************

“Thank you Cardiff!” I cried to the screaming crowd as I finished my second set with my new guitar. It sounded absolutely awesome. My second set had been unbelievable. You wouldn’t believe how many people sang along to my songs, and it was only the second night! I figured most had probably ended up online for illegal download, but I didn’t care, as long as people were hearing my songs! Despite how tired I was and confused, I pulled off one hell of a show. I had another signing directly after and I was getting the hang of all these people absolutely enthralled by me. Still though, by the time Raven Wing came offstage all sweaty and energized, I was pretty much done for the day. I should’ve been as energized as the guys, my usual peppy self, but I couldn’t seem to find that inside of me. Seeing Jack with his hair sticking to his forehead in odd places, his blue eyes dancing and his infectious smile just made me want to curl into a ball and cry my eyes out. I tried not to let my mood show, but I don’t think I did a very good job. By the time we got to our hotel for the night, I basically gave everyone a half hearted goodnight before heading off to my room with my gear. I routinely changed out of my clothes into a pair of black shorts and a grey razor back tank top with a black hoodie over top. I let my hair out of their braids too and just left it down around my shoulders. After that, I just stared at myself in the bathroom mirror for what felt like ages. I knew I needed to take my makeup off but I really didn’t feel like it. I didn’t feel like anything.

_ “This is ridiculous. Three months ago you were miserable over Jack because he was being horrible to you. Now he’s completely the opposite and you’re still miserable.”  _ I thought to myself.

_ “Because I know I can never have him. I can never love him.”  _ I didn’t know who picked that rule out of the sky, maybe I was just trying to protect my own heart, but I was doing a pretty lousy job. I guess I figured that the ache would fade with time, but so far… a brisk knock at my room door shook me out of my trance like state, standing there in the bathroom. I sighed and went to look through the peephole. I fully expected it to be Ally, so I was surprised when I saw Jack. I bit my lip. Did I want to put myself through this?

“Just a sec.” I called through the door, straightening myself and trying not to look so miserable.

_ “Just send him away.”  _ I thought. I wanted to, but I opened the door anyway. He gave me his friendly smile.

“Hey. Ready for bed, already?” He asked me in a laid back voice. I looked down and suddenly felt severely underdressed.

“Oh…uh…sorry…” I tripped over my words. He let out a light laugh.

“Relax, Rey. It’s just me. You still look great, by the way.” He told me with a wink. I held myself together.

“Um…do you need anything?” I asked, turning away from him, lest I started bawling.

“I just wanted to see you. You um…you really haven’t seemed yourself today. Has it been the nerves?” Jack said, getting right into it. I turned my head back, though I couldn’t look at him.

“Um…a little I suppose. I’m fine though.” I lied.

“No you aren’t.” Was his soft reply.

_ “Yeah, I’m not. Wanna know why? It’s because of you. I’m in love with you and it’s tearing me apart.”  _ It seemed so easy to let it come out of my mouth. I looked up and his blue eyes were searching mine for an answer.

“I…didn’t get much sleep last night. Too excited.” Another lie, but I couldn’t bring myself to tell him the truth. He cracked a little smile at that.

“A lot to process, eh?”

_ “Tell me about it…” _

“Yeah…anyway, sorry if I came across weird today. But…yeah. Just tired.” I shrugged. I then noticed he was in a razor back tank himself; a white one, but I could again see clearly his raven tattoo. He caught me looking at it.

“Neat, huh?” He asked, turning to look at it himself. I was relieved for a safe topic.

“Uh, yeah. I-I didn’t know you had any tattoos.” That sounded so dumb, coming out of my mouth, but he didn’t seem to mind.

“Yeah… I got this guy about four years ago. I wanted something representative of the band…you know, in case one day we aren’t together anymore. Sounds totally cheesy, right?” He smiled.

“Not at all. I really do like it. It um…reminds me of my own tattoo.” I shared.

_ “Woah, slow down.”  _ What was I doing? Was I really going to show him my tattoo? His eyes widened, learning that fact.

“ **You** have a tattoo?” He asked, clearly shocked by that. I nodded silently.

“Just one…well 2 really.” I shared. He looked captivated.

“Could…you show me? U-unless it’s in a…you know.” He suddenly got all flustered. I didn’t think Jack Cross could get flustered. I tried not to blush as I made up my mind. I tugged my hoodie over my head, revealing my bare shoulders. My tattoo? It covered my upper back and could be seen clearly with just my razorback tank on. It was wings. Angel wings. I got it when I finally came to terms with my parents’ deaths. I had found music again and decided to pay homage to them with an angel wings tattoo. I was always their angel; dad often told me I sang like one, plus, even though I didn’t consider myself religious, it made me feel closer to mom and dad. I turned my back to Jack and he made a sound, something between a gasp and an affirmative sound.

“They’re angel wings. I um…got it after I lost my parents.” I told him. Moments later, I felt his finger tracing the design, ever so gently. The sudden touch from him made me jump slightly and he stopped.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…” He apologized hurriedly. I shook my head through and turned to face him. Though my heart was about to bust right out of my rib cage from beating so hard, I gave him a friendly smile.

“Don’t worry about it.”

“It’s really pretty, Rey.” He commented, relaxing.

“Thanks… yours is too.” I replied, somewhat shyly. We stood in silence for a few moments.

“Well, I should probably let you sleep. You need your rest for tomorrow, we’re headed to Manchester next, remember?” He finally said. I had half a mind to ask him to stay and keep me company, but I knew that was way out of line.

_ “We aren’t together. We’ll never be.”  _ I tucked hair behind my ear.

“Um…yeah. Sleep would be good.” Another dumbly stringed together sentence. Jack just smiled warmly at me though and held out his arms. I didn’t want to hug him, it’s ultimately how I ended up in tears the night before, but I couldn’t resist. I drifted into them as they closed around me. He still smelled of his cologne and it was quickly becoming my favourite scent.

“Sleep well, okay?” He told me, looking down. I nearly got lost in his steady gaze again and could have easily kissed him again, but instead, removed myself from his grasp.

“Yeah…you too. Goodnight.” I replied, rather distantly. He noticed and I think he wanted to say something about it but decided against it.

“Goodnight, Rey.” He said, heading out.

“Goodnight.”

*************************

The next few days went by like a whirlwind. After another sleepless night in Cardiff, I knew I needed to get my act together and fast, or it’d affect my work performance. Coffee quickly became my best friend the next day and I must’ve downed at least six good cups of it before I was able to function. I had to make a decision. I knew there was no way in hell I’d own up to my feelings for Jack in this lifetime, so I became focused solely on my work. Working on new songs during the travel time, keeping to myself at the venue, always coming up with one excuse or another as to why I wasn’t hanging out with the guys, or Ally for that matter. I basically just closed in on myself during those few days. We were in Manchester for 2 days, everyone else went touring around but I stayed behind, insisting I had some sort of malady. I think Jack began to worry about me then, but I just couldn’t be around him any more than I had to be. It crushed my soul, but I figured it was necessary. I knew Ally didn’t approve, but I wasn’t prepared to hear what she had to say. After Manchester, we headed for Scotland and then Paris. The entire time I was pretty much ignoring everyone else and began to wonder if they were beginning to get mad at me. I wondered if they were confused as to why I had suddenly clammed up. I prayed Ally would keep her mouth shut, and worried she might spill my secret. I thought I’d get better, keeping myself closed off, but by the time we got to Paris, the past four days had been worse torture. I was ready to give up, I didn’t know what else to do. What was worse, was I was stuck in Paris, completely beside myself over a guy who didn’t know. It was the city of love for God’s sake and I was still giving him the cold shoulder. That didn’t last though. We were in Paris for a week before we’d be off to Germany. Things were moving fast, but I knew we had a hell of a lot more cities to get to before It was all said and done. One morning, after another restless night, I found myself at the cafe just outside of the hotel in Paris. My French was rusty, at best, but I managed to order myself an espresso and some kind of pastry. As I watched the scenery go by, I couldn’t help but feel slightly captivated by the culture. I longed to see the Eiffel Tower, the Louvre, all the completely touristy spots. But I couldn’t go all alone. not only would it be incredibly boring, but it would be unsafe, especially with my popularity climbing. I even had my own hashtag now. Sitting there, I sighed to myself and wished I hadn’t gone and made myself feel so conflicted. I knew where I should have been, I should have been in some pretty little bistro on a date with Jack.

_ “You should’ve just told him.” _ I thought, silently regretting not taking Ally’s suggestion. I knew I didn’t want to, because I was afraid, but part of me wondered if it would be worth the chance. It certainly beat keeping my distance from him; all of them. As I was getting lost in my own thoughts, a shadow appeared over my table. Looking up, I saw Jack standing there and nearly jumped out of my own skin.

“Hey.” He told me, his tone slightly firm. I looked back at my table and picked at my napkin.

“Hey.” I replied, softly. He sat across from me before I could stop him.

“I think we need to talk.” His tone didn’t soften any and I suddenly felt like crying. He was mad. And with good reason.

“Um…no, but I think I need to apologize. I’ve been kind of weird lately.” I spoke without looking up.

“Yeah, I’ve noticed. What’s going on with you?”

“I-I’m just…going through some personal stuff…” Why did I keep lying? Jack reached across and stole part of my pastry.

“So talk about it.” He replied, popping it into his mouth. I finally looked at him. I almost did it, too. I almost told him everything. How I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about him for weeks, how he was making me happy and want to scream all at once, how all I wanted to do was kiss him… but I just put a small smile on instead.

“It’s nothing you need to worry about, Jack. But still, I’m sorry for the way I’ve been acting. It hasn’t been fair to you or the others.” I chickened again but he seemed to accept my apology. So the internal suffering continued then. But I couldn’t have Jack mad at me, or the others for that matter. I knew I had to apologize to all of them too. Jack then gave me a sideways glance.

“I’ve missed you, you know. I’m glad you aren’t upset with me. For a while, I thought you were.” He shared. Well then I felt really bad.

“I’m so sorry, Jack…I swear, I’m fine now. I’m not gonna be all weird anymore.” I promised. And I hoped to live up to that, even if it did eventually kill me.

******************************

So I apologized to the others who really didn’t seem to notice I’d been overly distant, much to my surprise. But Ally did. I knew she wanted to talk privately with me, but we decided to go out sightseeing for the rest of the day. I tried to be the energized, upbeat Rey, but it wasn’t overly easy. The façade was harder than snubbing everyone, but it was kinder to everyone else while being murder on myself. I guess I couldn’t ever let anyone call me selfish again. I was still a little closed off, I preferred being on my own in the evening but no one pressed me. Not even Jack came by my room for one of our chats. That kind of twinged guilt in my heart, but I knew he was just giving me space and time to warm up again. What he didn’t know was I was flaming hot 24/7. Paris was breathtaking though. And I did see the Eiffel Tower, the Louvre and other spots, but as a group of us. We didn’t pair off and I was glad for that. A group was safe. As we wrapped up in Paris with our show, my popularity kept increasing and while I longed to share the happy moment with Jack, one on one, I restrained myself. It was incredibly hard and if they were physical, my restraints would be frayed by now, but I had to. I had to protect myself. After Paris, we moved on to Hamburg Germany where the real adventure would begin. So far, seeing all these countries, even just for a day with some, was just so thrilling. Looking back I wish I’d only been a little more attentive to my surroundings in those days than my personal issues. But anyway, Hamburg was beautiful and I almost didn’t want to leave. I still kept a modest distance from everyone, but was nice, open and friendly with them. Still though, Ally kept looking to catch me alone. I didn’t know why I didn’t want to talk to her, maybe in case I came off sounding insane. I had been doing a pretty good job of keeping myself with the group to make sure she didn’t try and talk to me then; I suppose in hindsight she could’ve just dragged me off, but she didn’t. It wasn’t until I was alone in my dressing room at the Hamburg venue – with the door unlocked – that she finally caught me. The door opened without warning as I was touching up my makeup in the mirror.

“Okay, you. We need to talk.” Her sudden voice nearly caused me to draw eyeliner all down my cheek.

“Geez! A little warning next time.” I replied, feeling anxious all of a sudden.

“Well this was the only time I could think of that you’d actually be alone. you’ve been avoiding me for days.” She folded her arms.

“I said I was sorry about that, I told you guys. I’m just going through some stuff.” I shrugged, trying to keep my cool.

“Yeah, that stuff? Also known as Rey is head over heels in love with Jack, is turning you into a hot mess! When’s the last time you got a good night’s sleep? When’s the last time you were  **actually** happy? You’re holding yourself back and it’s making you miserable.”

“Is it that noticeable?”

“Maybe not to everyone else, but I see it all over your face, Rey. You’re twisting yourself up in knots over him. You’ve gotta just go for it.” She explained, with urgency. I looked away.

“I-I can’t.” The same excuse. Ally wasn’t hearing it, though.

“You can’t, or you’re afraid to?” She pressed. I hesitated. I  **was** afraid. I looked her in the eye, emotion coursing through every vein.

“I’m terrified, Ally. I’ve told you. I can’t be the rebound girlfriend, I can’t compete with what he had with another girl, I can’t go through another heartbreak.” I was just short of yelling. Ally was right, I really was wound tight.

“You’re worrying over something that may never happen! Rey, listen. I know Jack cares for you. I’ve seen you two carrying on, teasing, talking together and going places together for weeks. I know he likes you. Loves you maybe, but he has no idea how you feel unless you just tell him. No one is asking you to compete with Jesse and I really don’t think Jack would try to measure you up to her. Jesse was his past. You could be his future.” She explained. She did make some good points. I had to do something. Fear or no fear, he had to know. Maybe I’d get my heart broken when he rejected me, but at least maybe then I’d start to sleep at night. Maybe. I knew telling him was the only way out of this. It was that or move to the backwoods of Canada somewhere and become a hermit.

“I-I’ll try.” I agreed, meekly. Ally sighed.

“Please do. Because I'm so close to locking you two in a room together and telling you to kiss it out.” She was only half serious. I tried to hide a smile at that. Just then, Jack appeared in the doorway.

“Rey, you’ve gotta get out there in a minute.” He reminded me. I looked at the time.

“Right, yeah. I’m coming.” I replied, collecting myself. He waited for me to follow him out of the room and as I looked over my shoulder, Ally was giving me a wide eyed stare that said

_ “Do it.”  _ But when? How?


	13. Twelve

I’ll admit, my mind was slightly distracted during my set, but I hid it pretty well. A lot more sang along this time and it was great my music was getting so widely distributed. I contemplated that night of hitting up Jack with the idea of putting the album on iTunes. The music would reach fans in other countries, quicker and plus it would rake in a little extra cash. I made a mental note during my last song to talk to him about it later.

_ “And then tell him you love him.”  _ I thought. No… I still had no idea what to do about that, the only thing I knew was if I didn’t tell him, Ally would. She was justified of course, I had been absolutely insufferable to watch through her eyes. I imagined I’d feel as she did if our roles were reversed. I was still scared as hell but I knew it was the right thing to do, no matter how much I tried to talk myself out of it. That night, I did sleep for the first time in days and I wasn’t entirely sure why. I was no less riled up…still, I was much more rested than I had been the next day as we headed for the train station by cab. We were meeting up with the band’s tour bus in Berlin. Now, if you find train stations in your own language confusing, try finding out where you’re supposed to be at a train station in a foreign language! Jack and Rian were both arguing over the terminal map and pronouncing the German names horribly…I tried hard not to laugh at them. Our bags had already been taken and all we had to do was get on the damn train. If we could find out which platform we had to be on.

“I think it’s this one…yeah.” I heard Jack say.

“Yeah…okay, we found it, guys.” Rian announced. Finally. As we approached our right platform, we had about ten minutes.

“Is it cool if I grab something to eat here, beforehand? I forgot lunch.” Jack asked his brother.

“Yeah…but I’d better go with you, in case we get lost again.

“I’ll go.” I volunteered.

“I could use something to eat too. Besides, I think I’ve got a better sense of direction than any of you.” I teased. Rian pretended to look hurt, but okayed the decision.

“Just hurry back!” He called after us as we made our way back.

“Did you forget to eat, too?” Jack asked me.

“No, I just couldn’t bear the idea of you and Rian stumbling around the terminal like a couple of lost kids.” I laughed.

“Oh, is that so?” He challenged, playfully, as he punched my arm lightly.

“Hey, who you punching?” I replied, returning the punch. We both laughed and then paused.

“I’ve missed this. Lately you don’t really laugh much. Like really laugh.” He noted. I felt my hands go clammy as I got lost in his blue stare again.

“We should get in line.” I broke the gaze and started marching toward the food stand. I thought we were making good time, but what happened next was completely unexpected. I knew our way back, so I led the way as Jack ate, but we didn’t take into account one thing. The train was early.

“No!” I yelled seeing the large train pulling away from the platform. Jack came alongside me, just as shocked.

“We had four more minutes!” He exclaimed. There was nothing we could do, the two of us stood there helplessly as the train heading for Berlin took off without us.

*******************************

"You're quiet..." I broke the silence tentatively.

"Just focusing on not getting lost." Was Jack's simple reply. I guess he had every right to be tense, we'd been driving for hours since missing the train in Hamburg. Figures, you stop for something quick to eat and the damn thing takes off without you. I mean, we had our tickets and everything... I suppose it would have made more sense too, for us to just take a cab to the next train stop, but Jack wanted to just power through, rent a car and drive the three hours to Berlin.

_ “Figures. It had to be us alone in a car together for three hours.”  _ I thought. Fate couldn’t have cooked up a better situation. I knew Jack was tense, I could see how his jaw was set. Now was not a good time for conversation. More importantly  **the** conversation. Still, the silence was unnerving. I could have put in headphones and just ignored Jack completely, but something compelled me to flick on the radio of the rental car.

"What are you doing?" He asked.

"It's too quiet in here." I remarked.

"Well good luck finding any station in English. Why don't you just use the Bluetooth and play your own music?" He suggested, not taking his eyes off the road.

"You'd be okay with that?" I was met with a half hearted shrug. I took it as a yes and hooked my phone up. I scrolled through my songs until my thumb just hit Livin on a Prayer by Bon Jovi. I turned to face the window and tried to ignore the tension I felt as the song started playing.

_ Once upon a time not so long ago _

I started to hum along to the tune, absentmindedly as I turned back to the centre of my seat. To my surprise, Jack was tapping his hand on the steering wheel to the beat.

_ Tommy used to work on the docks _

_ Union's been on strike _

_ He's down on his luck... _

_ It's tough, so tough _

_ Gina works the diner all day _

_ Working for her man, _

_ She brings home her pay _

_ For love, for love _

"You like Bon Jovi?" I dared to ask. He looked at me.

"Who doesn't?" A smile crept across my face. Relaxing, I opened my mouth.

"She says, We've gotta hold on to what we've got. It doesn't make a difference if we make it or not. We've got each other and that's a lot. For love we'll give it a shot..." I sang. Jack looked at me again and laughed. The chorus built and the both of us just belted out the chorus.

"Whoa, we're halfway there, Whoa, livin' on a prayer. Take my hand and we'll make it - I swear, Whoa, livin' on a prayer!" We didn't stop, it turned into our own version of karaoke night, it made me forget about everything and I  **loved** it.

"Tommy's got his six string in hock. Now he's holding in, What he used to make it talk...So tough, it's tough... Gina dreams of running away, When she cries in the night, Tommy whispers, Baby, it's okay, someday...

...We've gotta hold on to what we've got.

It doesn't make a difference if we make it or not.

We've got each other and that's a lot.

For love we'll give it a shot.

Woah...we're halfway there, woah! Livin on a prayer, take my hand, we'll make it I swear, woah livin on a prayer!" We sang.

"Livin' on a prayer!" I belted at the top of my voice. Jack gave me a look.

"You know, I keep forgetting how good of a singer you really are." He complimented.

"Yeah? You're not so bad, yourself." I teased and he swatted at me.

"We've gotta hold on ready or not...You live for the fight when it's all that you've got!

Woah, we're halfway there, woah! Livin on a prayer, take my hand, we'll make it I swear... woah, Livin on a prayer! Woah, we're halfway there, woah! Livin on a prayer, take my hand, we'll make it I swear... woah, Livin on a prayer!" We took it home before dissolving into laugher.

"That...that was pretty good. What else have ya got there?" Jack asked me, clearly cheered up. He wasn't the only one. I’d missed this too. If only it didn’t hurt every time I thought about it. About us.

"Bet you don't know this one." I challenged, playing Bonnie Tyler's Total Eclipse of the Heart. He gave me a smile.

"You better be ready to put your money where your mouth is, Rey Blythe." He teased. Just as the song began though, the car began stalling down the highway.

"Woah hang on..." Jack said, and I paused the music. The car was making these weird sputtering noises. Jack swore under his breath and my heart froze for a moment. Our only source of transport wasn't seriously gonna die on us, was it? Sure enough, the engine died. Jack was able to get us off onto the side, into an abandoned field before the car came to a complete stop.

"Okay, what happened?" I asked.

"I have...absolutely no idea. The tank is full..." Jack was just as perplexed as I was. He stared at the steering wheel in frustration.

"Damn, stupid car..." he exclaimed as he got out. I followed suit and watched as he lifted the hood.

"Do you know anything about engines?" I asked. He gave me a slightly annoyed look.

"What do you think?" I shut my mouth and went back to the car. Jack never got testy with me these days, so it kind of threw me for a loop.

"Well this is just perfect." I thought, also frustrated. We miss the train in Hamburg, drive for an hour and a half, almost 2 hours...we had over an hour left in our trip and now we were stranded in the middle of God knows where.  **Alone.** I held my phone up, trying to see if there was any service. None for my provider... Jack got back into the car and ran his hands through his hair, stressed out. I tried not to think it was hot; it totally was.

"Is there anybody we can call? Can we call Rian?" I asked, getting anxious. He shook his head.

"No cell service... I tried. We're stuck here." He replied. I bit my lip, anxiety levels rising. It was getting dark and Rian, Cameron and Chris would be expecting us in Berlin in a little under an hour. I pressed my lips together, unsure of what to do.

"Does your music still work?" Jack suddenly asked.

"Uh... I don't know." I replied, trying to reconnect the Bluetooth. Surprisingly, the car computer still worked, probably on battery life.

"It works." I stated. He shrugged.

"May as well kill time with it. We may be here all night." He tried to make that sound positive but it didn’t quite come out that way. Stuck in the middle of nowhere as it was getting dark with the guy you were in love with sounded pretty romantic…if I wasn’t tearing myself up inside. I didn't say anything, just continued playing the song. Music was safe.

Turn around...

Every now and then

I get a little bit lonely

And you're never coming round...

Turn around

Every now and then

I get a little bit tired

Of listening to the sound of my tears

Turn around

Every now and then

I get a little bit nervous

That the best of all the years have gone by

Turn around

Every now and then I get a little bit terrified

And then I see the look in your eyes

"Turn around, bright eyes

Every now and then I fall apart

Turn around, bright eyes

Every now and then

I fall apart..." Jack suddenly started singing again, staring at me with a silly look on his face. I knew he was waiting for me to join in, so I obliged.

"And I need you now tonight

And I need you more than ever

And if you only hold me tight

We'll be holding on forever

And we'll only be making it right

'Cause we'll never be wrong

Together we can take it to the end of the line

Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time

I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark

We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks

I really need you tonight

Forever's gonna start tonight

Forever's gonna start tonight

Once upon a time I was falling in love

But now I'm only falling apart

There's nothing I can do

A total eclipse of the heart..." We sang together, and it was totally amazing. Just him and I alone with one of the best songs of the 80s. It was a personal song to me though, the chorus was exactly what I wanted to say to him.

"Once upon a time there was light in my life

But now there's only love in the dark

Nothing I can say

A total eclipse of the heart..." I sang by myself. Tell me about it…

"When was the first time you heard this song?" Jack asked me. I was slightly thrown by the question.

"I...don't know. When I was a kid maybe. Why?" I replied. He gave a half laugh.

"Oh nothing, I was just gonna say that this song always takes me back to when I was about 7 or 8. My mum had all of these old records and she would play them around the house when Rian and I were small." He told me.

"That's really sweet." I remarked, touched he'd chosen to share a personal childhood memory with me. Ally knew it, I knew it, Jack probably knew it too. We were close. All I had to do was break the barrier and find what was on the other side.

"Turn around, bright eyes, every now and then I fall apart...

Turn around, bright eyes, every now and then I fall apart... " Jack started drumming on the steering wheel.

"And I need you now tonight

And I need you more than ever

And if you only hold me tight

We'll be holding on forever

And we'll only be making it right

'Cause we'll never be wrong

Together we can take it to the end of the line

Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time

I don't know what to do

I'm always in the dark

Living in a powder keg and giving off sparks..."

"Ready?" Jack called to me, getting caught up in the moment. I nodded before we both belted

"I really need you tonight!

Forever's gonna start tonight

Forever's gonna start tonight..."

"Take her home!" Jack called.

"Once upon a time I was falling in love..." I started what I thought would be a solo, but was beyond surprised when Jack sang along in harmony!

"But now I'm only falling apart

There's nothing I can say

A total eclipse of the heart...

A total eclipse of the heart..." I stared at him in awe. I had to blink back tears furiously, because that had been way too beautiful. If he only knew what I was trying so hard to say to him…

_ I really need you tonight, forever’s gonna start tonight. Forever’s gonna start tonight…. _

"Hey, we do pretty good." He smirked at me. My insides had just gone to jelly.

_ “Tell him!!!”  _ My mind screamed. It was so easy, it would be so perfect. But I didn’t.

"I-I'll say." Was my mere stunned reply as the song faded away. As I was trying to calm myself, Jack nearly jumped straight up.

"I've got a bar! I'm gonna try and call Rian. Then at least he can call for help." He announced, running out of the car, desperate to hold onto his cell signal. I just sat there.

"Well music was a good call for tonight..." I thought, though I didn’t know if I was sarcastic or not. Music had powers, I knew it did. We were both laughing and carrying on while our car had broken down, we weren’t phased in the least. Music was making us happy, bringing us close… watching Jack through the windshield as he paced back and forth on the phone with Rian, I really just wanted him. Not in an intimate way, I just wanted Jack. I wanted him to love me the way I loved him.

_ “He never will”  _ A little voice taunted me. When he came back to the car, I had to regain my composure. 

"Did you get through?" I managed to ask.

"Uh, yeah. Rian's sending the car company to get us." He replied.

"Do...they know where we are?" I asked.

“Because we sure as hell don't.”

"Rian says most rental cars have GPS trackers in them now. They'll find us. In the meantime, wanna get out and stretch? It's actually nice outside." He suggested. He looked at me and I wanted to melt again. My feelings were on high.

"Uh....sure." I replied calmly though, going to open the door.

"Wait..." he told me. I watched as he rolled down the windows on the battery life.

"Why?" I asked.

"So we can hear the music outside." He smiled, nodding to my phone in my hands.

"Oh! Yeah. Okay." I tripped over my words as I hit play and stepped out of the car. REO Speedwagon’s Can’t Fight This Feeling started playing. Jack chucked.

"It's an 80s night, is it?"

"Honestly, I just hit the shuffle button. I can change it if you like." I replied, silently cursing the shuffle button. Yet another song that described precisely how I was feeling. My answer was somewhat tight and nervous sounding and Jack noticed right away.

_ “Way to go…”  _

"No, no it's fine. Rey, relax. We'll get out of here, I promise." His blue eyes softened in the twilight. I nodded slowly. He reached out for me suddenly and I hesitated.

"C’mon, lets dance." He said, his eyes twinkling. Before I had a stroke, I did as he asked and walked into his grasp. We started slow dancing to the song.

_ I can't fight this feeling any longer _

_ And yet I'm still afraid to let it flow _

_ What started out as friendship, has grown stronger _

_ I only wish I had the strength to let it show _

_ I tell myself that I can't hold out forever _

_ I said there is no reason for my fear _

_ Cause I feel so secure when we're together _

_ You give my life direction _

_ You make everything so clear… _

I was dancing with him. I was dancing with Jack to a power ballad and it would have been absolutely perfect…if we were together. My heart was beating a mile a minute and my mouth was stone dry.

_ And even as I wander _

_ I'm keeping you in sight _

_ You're a candle in the window _

_ On a cold, dark winter's night _

_ And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might… _

Jack spun me around and I laughed, starting to relax again. Why did things just feel so natural with him?

"Feels a little like a 1989 prom, doesn't it?" Jack teased.

"Yeah. All I'm missing is shoulder pads and poofy hair." I replied with a light laugh. He gave me a funny look.

"Yeah, I could see that."

"Oh you suck!" I laughed. This was the closest we’d been in days. I felt sorry still for snubbing him for a little while there. I knew definitely where I wanted to be. With him. Only I didn’t know if he felt the same way.

_ “You can find out…”  _ I thought.

“And I can't fight this feeling anymore

I've forgotten what I started fighting for

It's time to bring this ship into the shore

And throw away the oars, forever

Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore

I've forgotten what I started fighting for

And if I have to crawl upon the floor

Come crashing through your door

Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore…”

We sang, upping the tempo of our dance a little bit so it wasn't as formal. I was finally enjoying myself again, but I longed to tell him this was how I felt. Still, I said nothing. Jack looked at me, a smile tugging at his lips.

"What?" I finally asked as the song kept playing.

"Nothing, I was just thinking. You're really something." My heart skipped a beat. What? Back up…what?!

"I-I'm sorry?" I asked, completely stunned. I remembered what Ally had said, was it true? Was this Jack declaring his love for me? No, it was too good to be true…

"Like, you flew all the way from LA to London England to do a job that you hadn't originally signed up for and yet you just take it all in stride. You're on tour with us now, you’re getting so popular and you’re just living the dream and you're just really carefree. It's really cool.” My heart deflated a little. Cool. He thought I was cool.

"Well...thanks. I guess it hasn't been all bad. And I really am enjoying touring with you guys. The shows have been absolutely incredible. I really can’t thank you enough…besides someone's gotta make sure you dorks stay out of trouble, too." I winked, stopping.

_ My life has been such a whirlwind since I saw you _

_ I've been running round in circles in my mind _

_ And it always seems that I'm following you, girl _

_ Cause you take me to the places that alone I'd never find _

"I guess what I'm trying to say is that I really admire you. You're really talented, smart, funny...pretty..." he trailed off. My heart skipped a beat, forgetting just being called cool. I listened intently.

"Lately, I can't help but think maybe you came all the way to London for much more than just music." He told me.

"Yeah?" I asked. He looked away, briefly.

"I probably sound like an idiot..." He half laughed.

_ And I can't fight this feeling anymore _

_ I've forgotten what I started fighting for _

_ It's time to bring this ship into the shore _

_ And throw away the oars, forever… _

The words he’d just said, the music, my bubbling emotions that I’d let rise way to close to the surface all combined into one. I took the biggest chance of my life as I leaned in. I felt his lips touch mine and we were kissing.

_ Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore _

_ I've forgotten what I started fighting for _

_ And if I have to crawl upon the floor _

_ Come crashing through your door _

_ Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore. _

It was an incredible 27 seconds... I couldn't have asked for a better moment. I figured, this was it! Those feelings that had overtaken me with such a vengeance, what seemed like ages ago were validated and that Jack did have feelings for me. He did love me. But, he broke the kiss.

"Um..." he looked down and in that millisecond, my heart sank.

"What?" I asked, though I was afraid of the answer.

"Sorry...I can't." He stammered, looking away. I felt tears prick my eyes. There was my answer. And the reason I’d never said anything in the first place.

"Why not?" I asked though.

_ “Stupid girl!”  _ I thought.

"I just...I can't. I'm sorry...I shouldn't have led you on." He apologized, awkwardly. It was my turn to look away, only to hide tears. He’d been leading me on? I’d been right? He’d been so great to me because he liked me? And now he was saying no?

_ “This is exactly why I kept my mouth shut…” _

Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now by Starship started playing and I wanted just to shut off the damn music, my phone was in the car.

_ Looking in your eyes I see a paradise _

_ This world that I've found _

_ Is too good to be true _

_ Standing here beside you _

_ Want so much to give you _

_ This love in my heart that I'm feeling for you _

"Rey..." Jack said as I marched back there. I shut the door and tried to get ahold of myself. I couldn’t even shut the song off, I just lowered the volume. I let out a shaky breath and let a few tears slip through my lashes before I swiped them away as Jack opened the other door.

_ Let 'em say we're crazy, I don't care about that _

_ Put your hand in my hand baby _

_ Don't ever look back _

_ Let the world around us just fall apart _

_ Baby we can make it if we're heart to heart… _

"Uh…when's the tow truck getting here?" I asked, keeping my hair covering my face.

_ And we can build this dream together _

_ Standing strong forever _

_ Nothing's gonna stop us now _

_ And if this world runs out of lovers _

_ We'll still have each other _

_ Nothing's gonna stop us, nothing's gonna stop us now… _

"That's not what you wanna talk about." He replied. I turned to face the window.

"I'm not talking about it, Jack. It was stupid, just let it go." I fought to keep my voice steady. I hoped Ally was pleased with herself. I’d been afraid for good reason.

"How could I have been so incredibly stupid?" I thought. I’d initiated that kiss, I took the chance Ally said I should. And I knew why he said he couldn't. The big underlying issue to my misery. Jesse. Of course he was more than entitled, I knew that! I was just the idiot who thought I'd have any shot. The idiot who fell in love. Jack closed the door and I thought he'd leave me alone, but instead, he came around to the passenger door and opened it.

"Come on. Out you get." He told me. I cast my eyes downward.

"I'm fine, thanks." Was my blunt reply.

"Rey..." his voice was gentle. I sighed.

"Look, its obvious, alright? I took a shot, I missed. You're clearly not ready to move on with someone new after Jesse and you're more than entitled. End of story." I said, getting frustrated. That wasn’t even half of it, but as far as I was concerned, it was all he needed to know. He paused.

"Will you just get out of the car, please?" I huffed and did so, though I really didn't want to.

"Hey, hey look at me." He urged. I did. And then he leaned in and kissed me. Like  **really** kissed me.

_ And we can build this dream together _

_ Standing strong forever _

_ Nothing's gonna stop us now _

_ And if this world runs out of lovers _

_ We'll still have each other _

_ Nothing's gonna stop us, nothing's gonna stop us _

_ Ooh, all that I need is you _

_ All that I ever need _

_ And all that I want to do _

_ Is hold you forever, ever and ever, hey… _

I wasn't expecting that at all! But I wasn't going to fight it! When we broke away, he chuckled lightly.

"What?" I asked again, afraid.

"I was just thinking. If Jesse would approve of any other girl for me to move on with, she'd definitely pick you." I smiled, relieved at his answer as our lips met again.

_ And we can build this dream together _

_ Standing strong forever _

_ Nothing's gonna stop us now _

_ And if this world runs out of lovers _

_ We'll still have each other _

_ Nothing's gonna stop us _

_ Nothing's gonna stop us, whoa _

_ Nothing's gonna stop us now, oh no _

__

_ Hey baby, I know, hey baby, nothing's gonna stop us _

_ Hey baby, woo, nothing, hey baby _

_ Nothing's gonna stop us now yeah _

__

*********************************

About an hour later, Jack and I were laying on the ground in front of the car, staring up at the night sky. I was pretty much falling asleep, when flashing lights nearly blinded us.

"Jack! Rey!" I heard Rian's voice. Both of us scrambled to our feet and shaded our eyes as Rian got out of the tow truck.

"Hey!" Jack called to his brother as Rian jogged over, hugging him.

"Thank God you called when you did. I wasn't getting through to either of you." Clearly, he'd been worried. I accepted a hug from him as well.

"We were fine, just playing music and hanging out." Jack replied.

"Well, it's good you're both safe. Lousy car rentals, eh?" He said. That was true, but honestly, I wouldn't have traded that night for anything.


	14. Thirteen

The ride to Berlin was long and we were stuffed into the tow truck like sardines, but I couldn’t have minded less. I was pressed right up against Jack and he held onto my hand the entire time, gently rubbing his thumb against the top of my hand. I felt as if the weight of the world had been lifted off of my shoulders. Even though I was dazzlingly happy, I knew there was still a lot we needed to talk about. We didn’t really have much time for talking back in the empty field, most of the time in between was us kissing. I’m not kidding. There was no doubt about it we needed to talk about us, Just…not now. By the time we got to Berlin and I finally got to my hotel room, I was anything but tired. I felt incredibly girlish, as I just wanted to twirl around my room and laugh, delightedly. Jack kissed me. I kissed him. He said Jesse would approve of me. To most girls that might have been close to a slap in the face, but with Jack, it was a telltale sign that he was okay. That we’d be okay. I couldn’t stop smiling as I walked past a mirror. I looked a lot better than I had only days ago and had Jack not come after me after I had first kissed him, I’d still be miserable. What made him change? That was something else we needed to talk about. Just as I was about to force myself to get ready for bed, there was a soft knock on my door. I knew it could only be one person, and I smiled as I went to open the door.

“Didn’t you get enough of me earlier?” I teased, placing my hands on my hips. He answered with a kiss and shoved the door closed behind him.

“Does that answer your question?” He asked me, afterward. I smiled and it was pretty much a grin.

“How long?” The words came out of my mouth before I could stop them.

“How long?” He parroted. I took a step back.

“Yeah. Um… how long have you…” I trailed off, suddenly nervous again.

“Had these feelings?” He filled in and I nodded.

“Since the album release party.” He revealed. I thought back; it seemed like ages ago but it was only a little under a month ago. I’d worn this cute little black number I’d had for ages.

“Really…” I breathed. It was around the same time as I had started feeling something for him.

“I saw you come down that staircase with Ally and you just looked incredible.” He added. I was taken aback for a minute. Jack started having feelings for me just because I was dolled up?

“Because I dressed up?” I inquired, keeping my tone level.

“Well, at first. But it progressed. I’m not that shallow, Rey. I knew you were amazing and just such a strong girl. I figured if I took you out places after that night, I’d be able to put my thoughts into words…it never worked.” He cracked a smile. I couldn’t believe it! We’d practically been in the same boat, just neither of us knew how to break the ice. I thought back. Our breakfast date, him buying me a guitar, him comforting me after I had a bad moment over my own past… how he’d been with me, the hugs, the chats, him putting together an entire album of my songs…just to help me out… it was all a desperate attempt of Jack trying to tell me one thing. I had my guesses, but I never, ever thought it would be true. I let out a light laugh and had to blink back tears.

“I…had no idea. But I was feeling the exact same way that entire time. Only…I was too scared to say anything.” I confessed, intertwining his fingers with mine as we stood across from one another.

“Isn’t that funny? Both of us wanted to tell the other the same thing, we were just afraid of the same thing.” He commented, drawing me into him again. I went willingly.

“I was pretty much prepared to take my feelings to the grave with me. I was so miserable…” I admitted with a soft laugh. Jack suddenly looked down at me.

“Is that why you were so distant there, back in the UK?” He asked, wide eyed. I nodded, sheepishly. He let out another laugh.

“Man, we’re both messes, aren’t we.” I nodded.

“We were. Funny, it took the two of us breaking down in the middle of nowhere and a few 80’s power ballads to get us to be completely straight with one another.” I smiled.

“Honestly, I couldn’t have asked for a better way, though. I’m sorry, by the way for getting all undecided on you back there. That wasn’t fair.” He brought it up. Okay, so much for waiting. I stepped back.

“No, it’s not your fault, I shouldn’t have …” I trailed off.

“No, Rey. It wasn’t you. Honestly, I was happy when you went for it. I kind of thought maybe you would never feel the way I did about you. What happened there was just a …a glitch I guess.” He tried to explain. I had a very important question.

“Am I …was I the first girl you kissed since…” I didn’t want to say her name.

“Yes. But that’s not a bad thing. She just kind of came into my head during our first kiss back there. That’s why I said what I did. I’m sorry.” Wait…he thought of Jesse while I kissed him?

“Did…you feel like it was her kissing you?” I dared ask, starting to feel a little hurt. He paused, trying to read my blank expression.

“Uh, yeah, at first…” He trailed off because my face fell.

_ “Well way to go, you’re officially the rebound girl.”  _ I thought, bitterly.

“No, no, Rey…” He stammered, trying to explain. I looked down, tears pricking my eyes.

“I-I think you should go…” I whispered. He touched my shoulder.

“Hey…” He replied, gently. I shied away, feeling completely foolish.

“Rey. Look at me.” He asked again. I did, but my eyes were full to the brim with tears.

“Rey. I want to be with you. Okay? Jesse was my past. She was a huge part of my past and I loved her very much,” He started. That wasn’t helping. Tears spilled through my lashes and he reached out, brushing them away. I wanted to shove his hand away, but I couldn’t.

“That being said…you, you are my now. You are my now and hopefully my future. If that’s okay with you. I am ready to move on, with you. Because you’ve meant so much to me and…” I cut him off because I had to kiss him again.

“Okay…” I whispered as I broke away.

“Okay?”

“Yeah. I want to be with you too. I want to be your now. And future.” A smile tugged at my still wet face. We embraced again and the scent of his cologne was now a great relief and comfort to me. I didn’t want him to stop holding me, but he did.

“I think you should get some rest. It’s been a long day.” He suggested. I wanted to tell him to stay with me, but I thought that would be moving too fast. This was something precious…I wanted to keep it that way.

“Okay.” I agreed with a smile. One last brief kiss and he headed for the door.

“Goodnight, Rey.” He told me.

“Goodnight.” Once he closed the door, I covered my mouth with my hands; I couldn’t keep myself from laughing. I was just so happy.

******************************************

The next morning, I had quite the bounce in my step as I met everyone for breakfast, downstairs at the hotel. They had quite the spread for us in the private dining room. I understood why the guys wanted to keep a low profile at their hotel. Once word got out where they were, there’d be a crowd outside. When I sat down with them all and cheerfully wished them a good morning, Jack and I shared a look. I noticed Ally looking so quickly turned my attention to my food. This was brand new. I really didn’t want to share it with anybody just yet. I suddenly worried Jack would say something though, so I was on edge a little all through breakfast. Luckily, he didn’t say anything, the topic of discussion revolved around what we were going to do that day. Our show wasn’t until the next day so we’d get to see Berlin and tour around. I was excited because I hadn’t enjoyed Paris as much as I probably should have. Toward the end though, the conversation did shift.

“So when did you guys get into town? Were you stranded long?” Chris asked Jack and I.

“Um…it was late. We were stranded for a couple hours at least.” I quickly answered.

“What did you guys do?” Ally asked, looking right at me. Suddenly my tongue felt like it was in knots.

“We listened to music.” Jack spoke up.

“That’s it?” Cameron asked.

“Yeah, well there wasn’t much else to do. And I did start falling asleep by the time Rian showed up with the tow truck.” I left out important details like the bite of cold in the air, the singing, the laughing, dancing…kissing.”

“Sounds boring.” Chris laughed.

“Well being stranded isn’t exactly a picnic.” Jack replied. We shared another look. After breakfast, we all headed back to our rooms to get ready for the day but Jack and I hung behind.

“Are we keeping this a secret?” Jack asked me. I looked around to make sure we were alone in the corridor.

“Is that okay? I just …I don’t wanna rush into this and have everyone else looking over our shoulder.” I admitted. He gave me a smile.

“Yeah I can see that. Okay, we can just sneak around then. It might be fun, a secret romance.” He winked and I muffled a laugh. I was in such a good mood.

“So I’ll meet you with the others in a bit, okay?” He told me, planting a quick kiss on my forehead.

“Sure.” I agreed and we went on our way. I knew this would be fun, sneaking around, I just wondered how long I could keep Ally in the dark. As it would turn out, not very long at all. When I got to my room, Ally was standing outside of it, her back against the door.

“Hey Ally.” I greeted her casually as I unlocked my door.

“Don’t ‘hey Ally’ me. I know.” She replied, her blue eyes dancing as I opened the door.

“What?” I asked, thrown by her tone as we stepped inside my room.

“You and Jack? Stranded for hours and you just listened to music? I don’t buy it.” She continued, folding her arms.

“Well we didn’t  **just** listen to music, we talked…” I trailed off.

“Talked? Geez that’s all you guys ever do! You know what I’m talking about, Rey. Did you or didn’t you?” I couldn’t lie to Ally, she’d known about me from the start.

“I told him if that’s what you’re getting at.” I confessed.

“I knew it! What did you say?” She wanted to know.

“I-I didn’t really say anything. We um…we kissed.” I shared. Ally squealed.

“You didn’t!” I nodded.

“It’s kind of a long story and you weren’t even supposed to know yet. Ally, you cannot tell a soul.” I said, in an urgent tone. She held up her hand.

“I swear. Now tell me.” She grinned. So I did. I told her everything. How we were belting out Bon Jovi down the highway, harmonizing to Bonnie Tyler even after we broke down, slow dancing to REO Speedwagon, my attempt to kiss Jack, him breaking it off, me getting upset and storming off to the car, Jack coming after me and us kissing again as Jefferson Starship played in the background. When I finished, Ally stared at me in awe.

“You just basically described every eighties movie ever. Are you telling the truth?” She challenged. I laughed to myself. I suppose it had been a little like that, hadn’t it?

“I swear to God, Ally. It’s true.” She squealed again and grabbed me in a big hug.

“I told you things would work out! I’m so happy for you guys!” She exclaimed.

“I am too, believe me. I haven’t been this happy in…a really long time.” I beamed.

“I can tell. It’s so great, like you two are absolutely perfect together.” Ally raved. I could tell she was already a fan of us.

“Thanks Ally. I should change and get ready to go out.” I told her.

“What’s wrong with what you’ve got on?” I looked down. It was okay I guessed, but it was my usual. Black skinny jeans and a concert tee. But something inside me wanted to dress up a little.

“I dunno, I just thought of a different look.” I shrugged. Ally smirked.

“To impress him, right?” I gave her a sheepish look.

“Maybe. Anyway, I’ll be downstairs in a bit. And remember what I told you. Please don’t tell anyone.” Ally gave me a nod.

“I promise.” She said. I knew I could trust her. The second she left, I rushed to change, knowing I’d probably be the last one down there. I traded my Pierce The Veil concert tee for a black crop top instead and a black and red plaid flannel over top that just hung open. I left my black boots on and quickly twisted my long, dark hair into 2 long braids. My makeup was fine, so I deemed myself ready enough to go. By the time I got downstairs, I was right. I was the last one to arrive, but no one seemed to mind.

“Here I am, sorry guys.” I apologized with a smile.

“No worries, it’s not a rush.” Rian replied, kindly. Jack was looking at me. I knew he was trying to keep it under wraps, but a saw a hint of a grin flicker across his face.

“Let’s go then.” Cameron said and we headed out. Jack and I hung behind.

“You look amazing.” He told me.

“Thanks.” He gave my hand a squeeze and we shared a look before he broke away from me and ran to join his band mates. I hid a smile as I caught up as well. Jack was right, this was fun.

***************************************

The day touring around Berlin was incredible. I’d never been much of a tourist, growing up, aside from yearly trips to Disneyland with my parents. But even then, that was in my home state so it was exciting, sure but not really much of a grand adventure as this was. I was pretty much as happy as I could be, a hop in my step, a bright smile. No one blinked twice at my good mood, though Ally and Jack both knew why I was so bubbly. A few recognized the guys, but it wasn’t anything like us having to run for our lives. They did stop to take a few pictures with fans though and there were even a few who asked for photos with me as well. It’s funny, in moments like that, I nearly forgot that I was this rising star. It was a full day and by the time we all returned to the hotel around 9:00 that night, I wasn’t anywhere near tired. Jack must have noticed, because once we got back to the lobby and the other four started heading towards the elevator, Jack stopped me.

“You wanna go someplace? Just you and I?” He asked me in a low voice. I smiled.

“What did you have in mind?” I was near giddy at the possibilities. Jack looked behind us and I followed suit. The others were long gone.

“Come with me.” He urged, taking my hand. I hid a girlish giggle as we went outside again.

“Can you at least give me a hint?” I asked as he hailed a cab.

“Well, I figured since we are together now, it’s only proper that I take you on a date.” He winked as a cab pulled over for us. I felt my heart swell with love and admiration.

“Listen to you. Jack Cross being a perfect gentleman. I’m shocked.” I teased. We slid into the car as he chuckled.

“Why does that shock you, exactly?” He replied, as he quickly told the driver where he wanted to go, in flawless German. He caught my expression.

“When you tour around as much as we do, you pick up a few things.” He shrugged. I just stared in awe as I tried to remember what we were talking about.

“Um… well you know, you’re supposed to be this rocker.” I finally said, sounding completely lame. He let out a laugh.

“What?”

“You asked why you being a gentleman was such a shocker.” I fought to regain my composure.

“Oh…right, right. Well I can be both I guess. You forget, Rey that I am an Englishman, first and foremost.” He was only half serious. I just gave him a light punch in the arm.

“And you’re a typical American.” He teased, his blue eyes dancing in the dim light. My mouth fell open.

“Oh, you take that back right now, mister.” I teased back, pretending to look highly offended. Jack just leaned in and kissed me.

“I-I will accept that as an apology…” I stammered, fighting off a laugh. He smirked at me.

“I’ve wanted to do that all day.” I smiled.

“This secret thing is failing already?” I asked, not serious.

“No, actually it’s just making me realize I can’t go seven hours without being right next to you.” I felt my heart turning to goo. It was the sappiest line I’d ever heard but I didn’t care. When the cab finally stopped, Jack paid and thanked the driver; again in German, and we got out, hand in hand.

“This is nice.” I commented as we crossed the street and headed toward a grassy area overlooking a body of water. The breeze off the water was a little chilly and suddenly I regretted the crop top. I let go of his hand and walked over to the railing though, overlooking the water. Across it, I could see lights of houses, businesses and the like still lit up against the darkness of the night. I looked up and the sky was full of stars. Standing there, it was so incredibly quiet and peaceful. It was amazing. From behind, I suddenly felt strong, warm arms wrap around my waist. I shivered slightly at the touch.

“Are you cold?” Jack asked softly, his breath tickling my neck.

“Not overly.” Was my soft reply. I felt his chin rest on my shoulder and I let out a contented sigh.

“It’s a beautiful night.” I commented. It wasn’t too cold, not to mention the clear sky.

“It’s perfect. All we need is some glam rock playing in the background.” I let out a light laugh.

“That’s going to be our thing now, isn’t it?” I faced him.

“Well why not? You have to admit, it’s pretty romantic.”

“I agree…hang on.” I replied, getting an idea. I reached to my back pocket for my phone and scrolled through my songs until I hit Foreigner’s I Want To Know What Love Is, before tucking my phone back in my pocket

_ I gotta take a little time _

_ A little time to think things over _

_ I better read between the lines _

_ In case I need it when I'm older…  _ I fell back into Jack’s arms and we began slow dancing in the darkness, my head on his shoulder.

_ Now this mountain I must climb _

_ Feels like a world upon my shoulders _

_ Through the clouds I see love shine _

_ It keeps me warm as life grows colder _

“In my life there's been heartache and pain

I don't know if I can face it again

Can't stop now, I've traveled so far

To change this lonely life…” Jack sang softly. I couldn’t help but think that bit of the song described the two of us perfectly. I looked up at him and smiled as we swayed.

“I wanna know what love is

I want you to show me

I wanna feel what love is

I know you can show me…” We sang together, locking eyes.

“I'm gonna take a little time

A little time to look around me

I've got nowhere left to hide

It looks like love has finally found me

In my life there's been heartache and pain

I don't know if I can face it again

I can't stop now, I've traveled so far

To change this lonely life

I wanna know what love is

I want you to show me

I wanna feel what love is

I know you can show me

I wanna know what love is

I want you to show me

And I wanna feel, I want to feel what love is

And I know, I know you can show me

Let's talk about love

I wanna know what love is, the love that you feel inside

I want you to show me, and I'm feeling so much love

I wanna feel what love is, no, you just cannot hide

I know you can show me, yeah…” We sang together. It was amazing; I loved it. We fell quiet toward the end, just slowly swaying to the music.

“You know what?” Jack asked me.

“Hmm?” I inquired.

“I think this could be our song.” He smiled.

_ I wanna know what love is, let's talk about love _

_ I want you to show me, I wanna feel it too _

_ I wanna feel what love is, I want to feel it too _

_ And I know and I know, I know you can show me _

_ Show me love is real, yeah _

_ I wanna know what love is... _

I smiled back.

“I thought the same thing.” The song faded away and our lips met under the stars.

__

__

__

__


	15. Fourteen

After our little dance, Jack and I ended up curled up together on the grass, looking up at the stars. As dates go, it was pretty basic, but I loved it. I didn’t need a fancy dinner where I’d have to dress up, or go to a bar where rowdy drunks would ruin the moment. This was new for the both of us and a quiet park overlooking a breathtaking waterfront scene, slow dancing under starlight…it was all just perfect to me.

“You know, this kind of reminds me of when we were stranded.” I spoke after a long while of silence, both of us just listening to the water. Jack looked over at me.

“You make it sound like it was weeks ago.” He chuckled. It only had barely been a day since then. It felt like so much longer.

“Oh yeah.” I chuckled.

“But I know what you mean. Though I think we have a better view of the stars tonight.” I sighed happily and rolled over so my head laid against his chest.

“Do you ever think about them?” I asked, softly.

“About what?”

“The stars. Just how far away they are, how many of them there are…” I trailed off. He thought a moment.

“Can’t say I have. Have you?”

“I used to look up at the stars a lot after my parents died. Part of me believed they’d become stars and were looking down on me every night…” I shared, my voice getting quieter. I felt Jack gently kiss the top of my head as I blinked away threatening tears and let out a small laugh.

“Probably sounds utterly ridiculous.” I added.

“No, it’s actually really comforting. I’ve never really given the whole ‘life after death’ thing much thought, but that’s really nice. I’m sure your mum and dad are up there watching you, even right now.” I couldn’t help it. A tear escaped and spilled down my cheek. I was usually okay with this all, but lately… maybe it was because after years and years of bottling it inside myself, I had someone who listened. Someone who understood. I felt his arms wrap around me and hold me close. I think he sensed by my silence that I was having a moment.

“What do you think they’d say to you right now?” He asked of me. I chuckled lightly and brushed my tear away with my sleeve.

“My dad would probably give you the ‘what do you intend to do with my daughter’ talk. My mom would say she was happy I’d found someone who made me happy…and they’d both say how proud they were of me that I’d come so far with my music.” My voice wobbled slightly. Jack sat up and so did I.

“I make you happy, do I?” He asked with a half smile.

“More than you know.” We kissed again, but were interrupted when my phone rang.

“I’m sorry.” I apologized, breaking away and looking at who would possibly be calling after 10:00. It was Ally. Sighing, I answered it.

“Hey Ally. What’s up?” I put on a casual voice.

“Where are you guys?” Her voice sounded urgent. I looked to Jack. Ally knew, I could tell her where we were.

“I’m out. We’re out. What’s going on?” I asked.

“Rian’s sick. Like really sick…he’s on his way to the hospital.” She sounded scared. I stood, immediately.

“What do you mean, he’s sick? What happened?” Jack stood too, clearly concerned.

“I-I don’t know… he was fine, and suddenly he was throwing up and he’s running a high fever… I don’t know what’s wrong and I don’t understand a lick of German…” She cried.

“O-Okay, Ally, we’ll meet you at the hospital. Where’ve they taken him?” She told me and I said goodbye, hanging up.

“Rey…” Jack’s tone was scared. I faced him.

“It’s uh…Rian. He’s really sick. We have to go.” I told him, trying to ignore the sudden look of pure worry that crossed Jack’s face. It made me want to cry. I took charge after that, though. Taking Jack’s hand, we headed back across the grass toward the main road where I hailed us a cab and just said the name of the hospital in a terrible accent. The driver though, seemed to understand and we took off. I tried to keep a level head, for Jack’s sake, I knew he was worried, but once we got to the hospital and through the main doors of Emergency, the familiar smell hit me like a truck and suddenly I wanted to run in the opposite direction.

_ “Please…my parents, they were in a car accident, where are they?” _

_ “What are their names?” _

_ “Lillian and Henry Blythe…” _

_ “I’m so sorry, sweetie. They didn’t make it.” _

_ “No…no!” _

_ “I’m sorry, hun. Do you have anybody we can call to come be with you?” _

_ “N-No…I-I’m all alone…” _

I inhaled sharply, feeling like my chest was going to collapse in on itself. Jack looked at me.

“Rey?” He asked me.

“Go…I’ll be okay.” I told him in a brittle voice. I thought he was going to stay with me instead at first, but he did go to the front desk. The second his back turned from me, I bolted. The cool outside air was a welcome relief as I fell against the outside wall, feeling positively sick. I hadn’t set foot in a hospital since…that horrible night. Never in my life had I felt so alone as I did that night. Shaking sobs hit my body hard and I tried to muffle them as best I could. I knew I was having a panic attack, I couldn’t breathe, my hands were clammy, my knees felt weak… I needed Jack in that moment, but I knew that was selfish.

“Damn it, pull yourself together.” I told myself, sternly. But to no avail. Minutes later, the sliding doors opened and Jack came through them, looking around.

“Rey?! Rey!” He called my name until he saw me, hunched against the wall, probably looking completely pathetic. He rushed to me.

“Rey…what is it? What’s wrong?” His eyes searched mine. I fell into his arms and held on tight, sobbing into his shirt.

“Shhh…Shhh it’s okay.” He comforted me, when I should have been comforting him. I felt like an idiot.

“I-I’m sorry…” I gulped.

“Why are you sorry, love? What happened?” I didn’t even really notice the endearing name he’d just called me.

“I-I’m falling to p-pieces out here and I-I should be comforting you…” I stammered through my tears.

“Shhh… Rian’s gonna be okay. He just ended up with food poisoning. He’ll be right as rain by morning, there’s no need to worry.” Jack thought I was like this over Rian. I couldn’t answer, I just kept crying. Somehow, we ended up in a cab and by the time we got back to the hotel, I’d stopped crying but I was feeling rather numb and exhausted from the panic attack.

“Let’s get you to bed.” I heard Jack say as we got into the elevator. I still clung to him like a child, but I was afraid that if I let go, I’d fall right back into the panic. If it hadn’t been for the situation, I totally would have teased Jack about his statement, but I couldn’t speak. I saw rows of black sitting in my local church. As I was the only surviving family member, it fell to me to give the eulogy. As I looked out to the crowd, I didn’t recognize a single face. I didn’t make it through the eulogy. I ran out into the rain, tripping over my black dress and ripping the hem. We made it to my room and Jack practically carried me to the bed. When he set me down, he gave me a gentle smile.

“Are you going to be alright?” He asked, still convinced I was torn up over his brother. Sure, I’d been worried about Rian, but that wasn’t the point. I was quiet for several moments more, before I finally found it in me to speak.

“That…was the first time I’d set foot in a hospital…in five years.” I said, slowly. Jack looked puzzled for a moment until he pieced it together.

“Oh…” His voice fell. I looked down and picked at the bedspread.

“When I got the call, the on scene officer told me that they were both still alive, but severely injured. That they were being brought to the hospital. I-I had to take three buses to get there. By…the time I did…I was too late.” I teared up again. Jack’s face was sad.

“So back there… I-I got overwhelmed. All I saw, heard, smelled when I walked through those doors was the same as…that night. I- I couldn’t breathe, so I ran back outside… and then you found me.” I recounted, tearfully. Jack pulled me into his arms.

“Rey, I’m so sorry…” He apologized.

“Don’t be…you couldn’t have known.” Was my reply.

“Do you want me to stay with you tonight? Just until you fall asleep? I’d hate for you to be alone right now.” He offered. I was slightly taken aback at first, I mean we’d just started this relationship and he wanted to stay over? But I knew it wasn’t like that. He just cared so much about my well being that he wanted to comfort me until I dropped off. Besides, I didn’t want to be on my own right about then, either. I nodded, inaudibly. I let Jack draw back the covers as I kicked off my shoes and nestled under them. I didn’t even bother changing. Neither did he. He just crawled under the covers with me and I laid my had on his chest again. His familiar scent was calming as I tried to push those memories from my mind. I heard his heart beating through his chest and found the sound incredibly soothing. We were quiet, me just in his arms in the dim light. Before long, I did drop off to sleep.

I awoke around 2:30 in the morning to light snoring. Jack was still in my room, fast asleep. I felt better and quietly crawled out of bed to change and take my makeup off, my hair out of their braids. I could have woken Jack and asked him to leave now, but I thought it would be mean. Plus, what harm was he doing? It wasn’t a romantic thing, it wasn’t like we’d actually  **done** anything in bed. I thought it way too soon for that, anyway. I regarded my reflection in the mirror as I took my makeup off. My face was still a little tear stained, but that’d go away. As I crept back to bed, I was grateful for Jack. It’d barely been a day, but I felt such a strong connection and love for him already. I hoped it lasted for many years. And if you think about it, it really hadn’t only been a day. In my mind, we were together weeks ago. Just we were too scared to admit it. As I got back under the covers, Jack stirred and I feared I’d woken him, but he didn’t. I nestled up next to him again and quickly fell back asleep.

*******************************

When I woke up the next morning, I was alone. part of me was a little sad at that, but I quickly let it go. I got up, showered and dressed for the day. It was concert day, but I’d change for that later. For now, I was in black leggings and a long grey sweater with black VANS. I left my hair down, it was kind of kinky and curly still from being in braids all of the day before and half the night. I liked it. I thought I’d meet everyone downstairs for breakfast, until I remembered Rian was in the hospital. As I picked up my phone, merely to check the time, I saw Jack had left me a voicemail.

“Hi, Rey. Sorry if I woke you up. I left around 5:30…I ended up staying all night, sorry about that. Anyway, I made a run up to the hospital to see Rian. Poor Ally’s been here all night, so I’m bringing her back to sleep for a while. Rian should be out by the time I leave too. Just wanted to let you know, in case you wondered where we were. Cameron and Chris are already at the venue, helping set up for tonight. Anyway, I’ll be back soon.” I looked at the time he called, it was 7:27 am. It was now close to 10:30. I really had slept late, but I had been exhausted. Wondering if they were back yet, I opened my suite door, only to face a surprised Jack.

“Did you read my mind?” He smiled. Suddenly I felt just slightly embarrassed about how our night ended. I’d cried in front of Jack before, that wasn’t anything new, but part of me still felt like I was being horribly selfish, given the circumstance. I nervously tucked a wisp of hair behind my ear.

“Um…how’s Rian doing?” I asked. Jack nodded.

“Much better. I guess whatever he ate for dinner last night wasn’t…prepared properly.” He explained. I folded my arms casually across my chest.

“Is he going to file a complaint with the restaurant?” I asked.

“Not sure, we didn’t really talk about it…Ally’s beyond exhausted though, I’m not sure if she’ll be up to the show later or not.” I pursed my lips.

“I…doubt she’d miss it. I got your message, I assume she’s been asleep for a while now.” Jack smirked.

“So you know I didn’t end up leaving then, right?” He asked.

“Yeah, I knew. I was actually up around 3am and you were still here. I considered giving you the boot, but that’d be mean.” I felt relaxed again.

“Oh, is that right?” He teased, folding his arms.

“What? I didn’t do it, I only thought about it.” A smile spread across my face. He reached out and grabbed me, picking me up and going into my room.

“Hey! Put me down!” I tried to yell, but I was too busy laughing. When he set me down, I pretty much got dropped onto the bed.

“You’re crazy.” I laughed, as he pinned me to the bed, playfully and kissed me.

“I can live with that.” Was his reply as he stared into my eyes. I got lost in them for a moment before a playful grin tugged at my lips.

“You snore.” Jack pretended to look hurt by that statement.

“I do not.” Was his defiant reply. I laughed as he let me sit up.

“You totally do. It’s not terrible though, it’s actually kind of cute.” I stated.

“Well…as long as it’s cute, I guess that’s okay.” He smiled. Another stare.

“You’re a gorgeous sleeper.” He commented after a moment. I fought off a blush.

“Really? I didn’t completely repulse you with my running makeup and rag doll sleeping pose?” I asked, only half serious. He chuckled.

“Not at all. I’m just glad you got some sleep after last night.” He reached out and cupped my chin in his hand. I looked down, my embarrassment returning.

“Yeah… look, I’m sorry about all of that. It wasn’t fair to you.” I apologized. There was a pause.

“You’re not seriously apologizing for a panic attack, are you?” His tone was indiscernible. I looked up and his blue eyes were concerned.

“I…guess I am.” I admitted.

“Rey, you don’t need to apologize for that. It’s not your fault.” His voice made me want to cry all over again.

“I know, I just…I’m embarrassed that in your time of need, I was outside, trying not to throw up or pass out.” He reached for me again, this time gently and I drifted into his warm embrace.

“I don’t want to hear you apologize for something like that again, okay? You don’t need to be sorry, I understand completely.” He murmured, kissing the top of my head. I wanted to ask him how he understood, but I didn’t.

“Okay.” I agreed, softly. Just then, there was a knock at the door and we both stood up, stepping away from one another. I went to the door and looked through the peephole. It was Rian.

“It’s your brother.” I whispered, remembering our agreement to keep us a secret.

“I’ll hide on the balcony.” Jack decided, leaping over the bed and throwing the door open to the balcony. I stifled a laugh as I went and opened the door. Rian smiled as I did.

“Hey Rian! I’m so glad you’re doing okay, you had us all pretty worried there for a bit.” I said, completely calm and casual as I hugged my friend. He chuckled.

“Thanks, Rey. That was certainly something I don’t want to relive.” He said. I nodded.

“I hear ya. How’s Ally doing?” I asked, leaning up against the door frame.

“She’s asleep, but she’s fine. Anyway, I’m looking for Jack. Have you seen him around?” he got to his point. I shook my head with a shrug.

“No. I haven’t seen him since dinner last night.” I lied, smoothly. Rian frowned, slightly.

“Hm… okay, well thanks. If you see him though, tell him I’m looking for him. We should get ready to head out in another hour or so.” He told me. I nodded.

“I will.” I promised, as he left. When I closed the door, Jack came out from his hiding space.

“You seriously should consider a career in the CIA.” He teased. I just swatted him.

“Go on, you. Rian’s looking for you.” I said, pointing to the door.

“You’re kicking me out?” He asked, putting on a fake pout.

“Oh grow up, big baby. I’ll see you in an hour or so.” I smiled.

“Fine, fine.” He agreed, kissing me once before heading out.


	16. Fifteen

By the time it was time to go, I had just been catching up on social media news on my laptop. I followed a lot of my peers from college on Facebook and some were sharing wedding photos, vacation photos, a few even baby photos or pregnancy ones. I felt a slight twinge of jealousy at all of their lives and accomplishments before I remembered where I was. I was on tour with Raven Wing as their opening act, I was gaining popularity and a fanbase and I was in a new relationship with the band’s lead guitarist and singer. Of course, the latter was a secret. I posted a few things on Facebook of my journey so far and had received messages from some of my classmates offering their congrats. It was nice to hear from them and I was definitely proud of myself for where I was and what I’d become, but I still had a lingering twinge of jealousy in my heart. Maybe a small part of me wanted a quiet, stable life like they had back in LA. But I’d made my choice. And I was happy with it. I closed my laptop and stuffed it into my bag before I zipped up my suitcase and headed down to the lobby to check out and meet up with everyone else. I knew our luggage would be taken to the tour bus we’d meet up with after the concert that night. It was exciting to think about travelling all over Europe in that thing, but I then remembered that in such close confinement, Jack and I would either have to be really sneaky or decide to tell the others about us. I didn’t want to, this was something I felt was special and I didn’t want anyone else knowing about it just yet.

“We’ll talk later.” I told myself as I reached the lobby. I was the last one down and when Rian saw me, he waved me over. I knew Cameron and Chris were already at the venue, so it was just the four of us. Ally actually looked good, considering she hadn’t slept all night. I greeted her with a warm smile.

“You’re already checked out, Rey. We should get going.” He told me.

“Oh good.” I smiled, walking over to them. We headed out to the car and I gave Ally a brief side hug.

“Hey you.” I said.

“Hi.” Was her simple reply.

“How are you? Long night, huh?” We headed out to the car and I let go of her.

“Oh, tell me about it. Hospitals are not my favourite places.” She sighed, putting on a slight smile though. I had to take a moment, as a wave of anxiety passed over me.

“I know, me neither. I’m just glad Rian’s okay.” I merely replied as we got in the car.

“You two talking about me?” Rian asked as I climbed into the back seat.

“Just that we’re glad you’re okay.” I replied, feeling the anxiety ebb away once my gaze found Jack.

“Yeah, Rey was wondering last night if you were going to tell the restaurant.” Jack said without thinking. My eyes widened. No one was supposed to know I was with him last night! According to what I told Rian earlier, I hadn’t seen Jack in hours.

“I don’t think so, aside from my German being atrocious, I’m sure it was an accident.” Rian shrugged, not giving it much thought. No one noticed anything Jack had said was out of the ordinary? Okay… I relaxed a little and sat back against the seat. We fell quiet after that and poor Ally fell asleep against her boyfriend in no time. And then Rian dropped off. Jack leaned over to me, as he was in front of me and smirked.

“I feel like I should wake them up.” He suggested and I swatted at him.

“Don’t you dare, they’re both probably beyond exhausted.” I replied, trying not to giggle.

“Well we aren’t far from the venue, it wouldn’t be terrible.” He taunted.

“Jack…” I whispered, muffling laughter. The glint in his blue eyes was positively devilish.

“You know, we could probably make out right now and they wouldn’t even stir.” He winked.

“You know, that’s not a bad idea.” I replied, leading him on. He leaned closer and I did too, but just before our lips met, I pressed a finger against his.

“But… you can wait.” I smirked. The look on his face was priceless.

“That was mean.” He pouted.

“Oh grow up.” I poked my tongue out at him. I loved being in a brand new relationship. Everything was just light, fun and amazing. Of course, I kept having to remind myself that this was Jack. A couple months back, I wouldn’t have fallen for him if he were the last man on Earth. When we got to the venue, thankfully Rian and Ally woke up on their own. Though it would’ve been hilarious to see Jack try and wake them up and probably get hit in the process, I think he agreed with me, they needed some rest, even if it was a little power nap. I was excited, as usual to be doing another show and I think the excitement was infectious, because Ally and Rian both seemed to perk up once we made it to the guys’ big dressing room. I had my own to get to where I had to prep for my part of the show, but I didn’t leave just yet. Cameron and Chris were both there, immediately asking of Rian how he was. I basically just said my hello and decided then to head to my own room. As I left though and walked down the corridor, I heard footsteps behind me. I stopped and turned.

“If you’re trying to surprise me, you kind of run like an elephant.” I teased Jack, who slowed to a halt about five feet in front of me.

“Hey! Feelings..” He teased back, pretending to look hurt. I just rolled my eyes, playfully.

“What do you want?” I chuckled. He shrugged.

“The guys are boring, I’d rather be with you.”

“Well aren’t you sweet, but if you spend too much time with me, they’ll get suspicious.” I pointed out, only half joking. Jack thought a moment before smiling.

“Eh, I don’t care. Now get in here.” He said, running to my dressing room and throwing the door open. I tried to stifle my laughter as we entered and he closed the door.

“You promised me a make out session, missy. Time to deliver.” Just his tone made me laugh.

“Well that wasn’t very long of a wait, now was it?” I raised an eyebrow.

“I can’t help it!” I couldn’t tell if he was joking or not, but I didn’t care. Our lips met and we got into it, I didn’t even think until one thing slam banged right into my mind.

 _“What are you doing?”_ I faltered slightly, but pushed the thought aside.

 _“Things are going way too fast…”_ At that, I stepped away, abruptly.

“What is it? What’s wrong?” Jack asked me, surprised at my reaction. An anxious feeling swept over me. I adored Jack and we were working. But we’d technically only been on one date. We’d only been ‘dating’ as it were, for a few days. We’d kissed before, it wasn’t anything new, but I just felt afraid all of a sudden. Afraid this was too good to be true and it would blow up in our faces.

“Um… nothing… sorry, I just need some air.” I spoke quickly and blew past him, out of the room and down the corridor, back outside. When the cold air hit me, I started to relax. I swallowed hard and leaned back against the wall of the building. There was no doubt that I had feelings for Jack. We seemed very compatible, I know he adored me, and we’d both finally voiced our feelings for one another after months, but… it all too fast. I needed to know him more, trust him entirely. The crushing reality was that I think both of us were living in this fantasy bubble of being in love. And mine was starting to burst.

“Rey? What’s going on with you?” Jack came out the door and saw me immediately. I bit my lip and looked down.

“I’m just…personal stuff. I’ll be okay.” I lied. I didn’t want to have this conversation. Jack knew better. He stepped in front of me, his arms folded, his blue eyes intent on my face.

“C’mon. what’s wrong?” He prodded, gently. I sighed and lifted my head.

“Jack, this has been…really amazing. Being with you and knowing how great we are together so far…” I trailed off because his face fell.

“Are you breaking up with me?” His words cut me like a knife.

“No! God, no.” I assured him, raising my hands. He relaxed a little bit.

“I just… what are we doing? What are we? Are we a couple?” My words started jumbling.

“Well…I think so. What do you think?” He still looked worried. I nodded slowly.

“I’d like to think so too. But…I’m worried. Things are going way too fast. I mean…we’ve just started…this.” I stopped, looking for his reaction. He hesitated, but nodded slowly.

“You want us to slow things down a little. I get it. It’s been a weird few days. And maybe I do come on a little strong… I’m sorry.” He replied, looking just a tad sheepish.

“No, no, don’t be sorry. It’s just me. I’m paranoid, that’s all. I want this to be good, I want this to last… so..” I trailed off again, searching for the right words.

“We’ve got to slow it down a little.” Jack filled in. I looked at him.

“Is…that okay?” I asked.

“Is it okay? Rey, of course it is. I want this to last too. And as long as you’re happy with taking a few steps back, then so am I.” I think he was basically 85% relieved I wasn’t breaking up with him. Regardless, I was glad we were on the same page at least.

“This is the smart thing.” I told myself as he held his arms out and I went to him.

“Are we good?” He asked me.

“Yeah.” I replied, suddenly remembering the other thing I needed to talk to him about.

“Oh, before I forget, I had an idea about my album.” I told him.

“Great, why don’t we go back inside and you can tell me. It’s kind of freezing out here.” He smirked.

“Okay.” I smiled.

*************************

“Goodnight everybody!!” Jack yelled to the screaming crowd as the four of them made their way back to the dressing room. Another successful show. For the both of us. My signing that night had a lot more people, and my twitter account followers were rising steadily. And… Jack had agreed that making my album available on iTunes and other music sites for purchase was a great idea and I’d have it all set up before the next show. So it was a great night for Rey Blythe. The guys killed it too, as per usual. I was in a great mood, waiting in their dressing room. My gear had already been taken to load onto the tour bus that I couldn’t wait to see.

“Rey, how did tonight go?” Rian was eager to know.

“Great! The signings get longer lineups every night.” I beamed, standing up.

“Jack told us about the iTunes thing. It’s a great idea.” Cameron added. I looked to Jack and smiled a little.

“Yeah, I thought so. The music gets out there quicker.” I nodded. Rian looked around.

“Where’s Ally?” He asked.

“Oh, she’s already on the bus. She’s still pretty tired, I guess.” Rian frowned.

“Yeah, it’s been a long 24 hours.” Tell me about it. I’d gone through so many emotions since the night before that it was a wonder I hadn’t completely broken down yet.

“It has, and we all have another big day tomorrow, so let’s just head to the bus.” Jack suggested. Great idea. The others agreed too and so they packed up and I followed them out to the waiting tour bus. The outside was magnificent, I knew the inside would be too. The outside was black with the band name in silver and the guys’ likenesses also in silver. I whistled in amazement.

“Sweet ride.” I joked.

“Isn’t it? Wait till you see the inside.” Jack replied, making stride with me. He wasn’t kidding. The inside was incredible. You almost wouldn’t know the entire thing was on wheels. The front was a kitchen/sitting area with a large flat screen, the bathroom had quite a roomy shower and the sleeping quarters were impeccable. Bunk beds on either side of the wall; one for each of the guys. The very back was my space. My own bunk and bathroom. I almost asked where Ally slept, but I knew the answer before the question was out of my mouth.

“So?” Jack asked as we reached my space.

“It’s amazing.” I smiled, looking around.

“I thought you might say that.” He winked, wrapping an arm around me. Tiredness then swept over my body.

“I guess I should turn in. Rian’s right. It has been a crazy day.” Jack nodded and went to leave.

“Good plan. I’ll see you in the morning.” He smiled. I reached for his hand.

“Goodnight.” I told him, kissing his cheek.

“Goodnight.” He replied, giving my hand a squeeze. Part of me wanted a real kiss, but this was the whole ‘taking it slow’. It’d be better in the long run. When he left, I changed into my sleeping clothes and made sure I had all my bags. I had them all…except one. Where was my laptop bag? I started to panic slightly. I’d given it to the crew to put on the bus…right? The bus had already made its way out of the venue lot and down the highway.

 _“I didn’t leave it in my dressing room, did I?”_ I thought. Still panicking, I opened my door and the lights were still on, so I looked around. Thankfully, I found my laptop bag, sitting on the couch. I breathed a sigh of relief and tiptoed back to my room. As I passed the bunks, a head poked out of the top left one.

“Rey? What are you doing?” I groggy Jack asked. He must’ve been really whipped.

“Shhh… I just misplaced my laptop. I found it though.” I told him. He was clearly half asleep.

“O…okay…” He murmured. I smiled, finding him incredibly cute in that moment.

“Goodnight, Jack.” He let out a sleepy sigh and laid back.

“Goodnight, Jesse.” I ran back to my room.

 _“He didn’t mean it, Rey. He was asleep.”_ I told myself, but that didn’t stop the tears from spilling over.


	17. Sixteen

Tired as I was, I did not sleep that night. I knew it was too good to be true. I was wise in slowing things down.

_ “I’m just his replacement. Jesse 2.0.” _ I thought over and over again. I knew he was tired, I knew he didn’t even know what he said… but what if we ended up in a relationship for many years? What if we ended up married one day? Seemed far fetched, but my mind was in overdrive. What if even after we were married he referred to me as Jesse? Just a slip of the tongue or a sleepy goodnight like what had just happened.

_ “Why didn’t I listen to myself? I’m just a replacement. I’m just his rebound… I don’t mean squat to him…”  _ My heart hurt. I wanted to get off the bus and just hitchhike to the nearest airport. Of course, that was foolish, but I didn’t care. Needless to say, it was a long night. I wasn’t even sure I wanted to face Jack. Figured we were stuck on a bus. By about 7:00, I heard noise. I was timid, but also hungry. My eyes were still wet with tears, but I tried to pull myself together as best I could. I got myself ready for the day and went to face whoever was up. It was Ally. One look and she knew I didn’t sleep.

“Takes some getting used to, doesn’t it?” She assumed as I sat across from her.

“What does?” I asked, my voice hollow. Her expression changed.

“You just didn’t sleep, because the bus is loud, did you? What happened?” She asked. I sighed.

“Nothing, it’s stupid.” I decided.

“Rey…something’s wrong. Tell me.” She urged. I looked down.

“Jack called me Jesse last night.” I lowered my voice. Ally sat back.

“Wow…” She breathed.

“I-It wasn’t on purpose, he was half asleep. I-I’m probably overreacting…” I tried to pass it off. Ally leaned forward.

“No, Rey. Even if he didn’t mean it, you have every right to be upset. I’m so sorry. What are you gonna do?” Ally sympathized. I held my head in my hands.

“I-I don’t know… I don’t know.” And that was the truth. I couldn’t hope not to face Jack, because not long after, the four of them began waking up and moving about the bus. I wanted to go back to my room, but I didn’t want to run into him. I’d inevitably run into him if I stayed put. I almost felt frozen to my seat as Jack was the first one up. He greeted both Ally and I with a smile.

“Talk to him.” Ally whispered to me. I knew I had to but… as I kept coming back to, I knew it was too good. There were answers I needed, some a little bit personal. But if I was going to move forward with him, I definitely had to clear the air.

_ “Even if he ends it?”  _ I dared not think that.

“You girls, sleep okay?” Jack asked, without a care in the world. I felt my heart beat fast and it felt ready to explode out of my chest.

“Excuse me…” I said, softly, getting up and practically running to the back of the bus, closing and locking the door. I could still hear the way he said it. ‘Goodnight, Jesse.’ With the most contentment and love in his voice I’d ever heard.

“He still loves her. I knew he wasn’t over her.” I lamented to myself, pacing and trying not to cry again. It  **had** been a crazy 24 hours, but now it was stretching into 48. Minutes later, there was a knock on my door.

“Rey? Open up. It’s Jack.” His voice made me want to cry too. I didn’t want to open the door, but what choice did I have? It’s not like I was in a hotel. So I opened the door and he came inside, closing it behind him.

“Ally told me. Rey, I am so sorry.” He apologized right away. While I wasn’t overly pleased Ally had told him outright, I thought maybe that was for the better. I folded my arms.

“It’s nothing.” I reverted to that again.

“No, it’s not nothing. It was a slip up on my part, and I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve that.” My eyes met his and mine welled with tears.

“I don’t want to be your rebound from Jesse. I-I don’t want to be the substitute. I’m sorry if that upsets you but… I know I can never compete with what you had with her…” I rambled. Next thing I knew, his lips were on mine.

“Sorry, was that too forward? I know you wanted us to slow things down…” He said, slightly awkwardly as the kiss ended. I shook my head.

“No…” I whispered, tears spilling down my cheeks. A small smile tugged at his lips.

“Good. Rey, listen… I could  **never** think of you as a rebound from Jesse. I’m with you now. You make me happy and I don’t want you thinking you’re competing in any way. What I said was a mistake and it won’t happen again. You have to know that Jesse was my past. You’re my right now …and hopefully my future.” He explained. I was comforted. I knew where his heart lay.

“Okay. Sorry I caused a scene.” I said, looking away.

“Don’t be. You had every right to. But like I said. That’s my past. And it’s going to stay there.” He brought me into his arms again and we just stood there for a few moments. I felt better, only I was really tired. Rightly so, I hadn’t slept at all.

“Let’s go out tonight. After the show.” Jack suddenly said, pulling away and looking into my eyes. A small smile tugged at my lips.

“Another date so soon?” I asked, only half serious.

“If that’s okay…to be honest I don’t think we’d call it a date, more of a…get to know you sort of thing. See, I realize now that we don’t know a whole lot about one another, right?” He explained. I felt my heart take a little dip, but ignored it.

“Uh, yeah…that sounds alright.” I nodded. I didn’t know what else to say. He was right, we really didn’t know a whole lot about one another and yet we were supposed to be together.

“Maybe it’s a good thing I slowed things down with us.” I thought, nervously. It wasn’t a good start to the day at all. I was beginning to worry. I barely knew the first thing about Jack. All I knew was he was in a band, a worldwide sensation of a band and that he’d had a long-time girlfriend who died and he had a serious drinking problem all up until a few months prior.

“Rey, did you hear what I said?” Jack interrupted my thoughts.

“I-I’m sorry, what?”

“I asked if you wanted to go back out for something to eat. I’m sure the others must be talking by now and I know we still want to keep us under wraps.” He seemed so chilled out, relaxed, like he hadn’t a care in the world. While I was reassured that I wasn’t Jack’s rebound after Jesse, I was concerned that this entire ‘dating’ idea and being completely googly eyed for one another was starting to be a huge mistake. I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, tentatively and forced a smile.

“Sure.”

*********************************

The day positively dragged after that. No one brought up Jack and I disappearing for a little while and though I was worried Ally had maybe said something to the guys about it, I was too tired to care. I did manage to rest in my bunk until we arrived in Belgium; we really backtracked but who was I to argue? I was still plenty tired though and everyone else wanted to go sightseeing. Of course I could’ve stayed in the bus but then Jack would have wanted to, Rian would copy his brother, Ally would stay with her boyfriend… it was just easier to suck it up and go. My mind was anywhere but in the present though. I couldn’t stop thinking about what Jack had said. We were going out after the show that night - which to be honest would probably raise suspicion with the others if we didn’t head right back to the bus where we’d stay parked for the night before taking off in the morning for our next city – to get to know one another better. I mean, wasn’t that a red flag? What were we even doing if we didn’t really know one another. I dreaded the thought of some messy fight that would make the next few months unbearable, but part of me wondered if I’d already messed things up by falling for Jack Cross. It felt real, I felt like we connected and I’d been really happy since that night we were stranded in the middle of nowhere. But who was Jack really? Did I want to know? Did he want to know what was deep down inside of me? He already knew I was parent-less at seventeen and that I still had a tough time with it, I was a bit of a mess but he was an even bigger mess because of his girlfriend. I now knew I wasn’t a rebound, but who's to say he still wouldn’t be hung up on her if our relationship continued? My tired mind was racing for hours while I tried to have a good time. No one picked up on me being odd or anything, which was good, but I couldn’t keep up appearances. All I wanted to do was collapse and sleep for six hours. With my mind going in a million different directions though, that didn’t seem likely. What did I want out of this relationship? Could I even call it a relationship? Belgium in other news, was beautiful. The buildings, the food, I even tried a Belgian waffle for the very first time. I’m pretty sure I would’ve enjoyed it more had I not been so exhausted. I broke my cover after lunch though. I actually started falling asleep while we were still in the restaurant. Tiredness seemed to be winning. The next thing I remember is the tour bus and then my bed.

Several hours later, I surfaced, actually feeling better. When I pulled back the curtain and climbed out of it, to my surprise, Jack was sitting on the floor nearby, glued to his phone. I felt my nerves return.

“Have you been spying on me?” I accused, lightheartedly which I was surprised I could even muster. He looked up from his phone and smiled.

“I haven’t been here long, I promise I’m not a creep.” I smiled back, however briefly.

“Did you manage to sleep?” He asked me and I nodded silently. He looked sorry for a moment.

“I feel bad you lost sleep over me.” I shook my head.

“No, no, it was my own mind going into overdrive. I tend to do that sometimes.” I shrugged, sitting on the edge of my bunk. Jack thought a moment.

“Everyone else went back out, I offered to stay behind because I think we should have our ‘get to know you’ thing now.” His voice suddenly sounded as nervous as I felt. My mouth went dry.

“What happened to tonight?”

“Change of plans. I guess we’re shipping out tonight right after the show. Apparently it’s a hell of a drive…is that okay? I mean we are alone right now.” I swallowed hard.

“Um…sure. So…how do you want to do this?” I didn’t exactly know how to proceed. For all my thoughts and worries over the past few hours, I had nothing really to say. There was a pause.

“Rey, I get why you wanted to slow things down and that’s probably my fault. You’re the first …romantic interest I’ve had in a long time. I just don’t want to scare you off, you know? So when the incident happened this morning, I realized you probably have a lot of assumptions about me, my past…” He trailed off, giving me a lopsided half smile.

“Listen to me I sound completely cheesy.” I sank to the floor across from him and crossed my legs.

“No…well maybe a little, but you’re right. All I know about you is that you’re in this huge band, all the fangirls seem to love you and up until a little while ago, we were basically mortal enemies. And now we’re making out like two lovesick teenagers. To be honest, I’m kinda blaming myself for falling so hard, so fast. Slowing down really didn’t have anything to do with you. Believe it or not…I haven’t had a boyfriend since high school.” I finally found my words. But then I panicked for a split second. Boyfriend. Could I use that word? What were we? Jack relaxed a little now that he’d gotten me to open up.

“Well see? There’s something I didn’t know. And it’s another thing we have in common. We’re both rusty at this.” He cracked a full on smile that time. I was still nervous. I looked down and picked at a loose thread on my jeans.

“I guess I’m a pretty closed book though. After losing my parents, I kind of closed myself into this shell and I wouldn’t let anybody in. To this day, you’re probably the only one who knows about my hospital phobia.” I found myself sharing. He nodded slowly.

“You were kind of a lone wolf for a while, huh?”

“Were? I still am. Sure, I got better when I went to college and started working at a record shop, but largely, most of my time was spent on my own. I guess it became safer. If you’re around friends and family all the time, sooner or later…they’ll leave you or you’ll lose them. I guess you would know that feeling.” I must’ve been really tired if I was spilling my guts like that.

“I know exactly what you mean. After Jesse died, I wouldn’t reach out to anybody. You crawled into your shell, I crawled into the nearest scotch bottle. But seeing a therapist has really helped me. As you can see, I am getting better. But I’m not altogether sure it’s just therapy responsible for that. When we met and I finally understood your story, I did feel like I’d found a kindred spirit.”

“Maybe that’s why I fell for you.” A small smile tugged at my lips.

“Well I know it’s why I fell for you. That and your talent, your strength and you didn’t give up on me. You were the first person who broke through my shell.” I had to blink back tears. It was beautiful, it really was but was our relationship then solely based on our past sorrows? Jack noticed and I stood up.

“Jack, what are we doing? We’re broken, you and I. We’ve both lived through our own versions of hell and have fallen for each other in the most twisted way possible. You used to hate me. I used to hate you. Who's to say this isn’t just a fantasy and sooner or later the bubble is going to burst and we’ll both be left a mess?” Now my fears were coming out. I wished I’d curbed them. Jack stood too and came to me.

“What are you saying?” His blue eyes were worried. I sniffed and looked down.

“I don’t know. I’m just scared.” I sighed.

“Scared why?” He asked, gently.

“Scared because you’re the first guy I’ve basically ever opened up this much to and…I don’t want it to be a mistake. You don’t know me, Jack. I don’t know you. We have this connection from both our pasts that drew us to one another and that’s a really rocky foundation. I don’t want to run into this, completely overtaken by bliss to have it all wrenched from me over something stupid like a fight or something…” I didn’t even know if I was making sense.

“At first, I thought this was amazing. Like I was finally truly happy with someone but the truth is, it could all end at any moment and I don’t want it to.” I finished, tears blurring my vision. Jack was silent for a moment.

“Is this still about Jesse, because I told you that you aren’t her or her replacement in any way…” I cut him off.

“No, no, God no. I just… I guess I’m too much of that lone wolf to trust anyone or let myself feel anything for too long. To be honest, I thought I would’ve scared you off by now. What kind of guy wants a girl with baggage like mine?” I shrugged, bowing my head in shame.

“You’ll never scare me off, Rey. Baggage or not…I like you. I really like you. Besides, you’re not the only one with baggage.” He replied after a bit. I looked up.

“But we can’t be based off of our tragedies.” I protested, tearfully.

“Why not? You think it’s a rocky foundation, but I think it’s solid. Both our pasts have made us stronger in ways. Sure it’s left damage too, but damage heals with the right person. Don’t you think?” I thought. He did have a point. Was I really just being paranoid?

“And I know you’re a bit of a closed book which is why I’m proud of you over how much you’ve already told me. The story about your parents, how you found yourself again, your dreams, how you’re terrified of hospitals because of your past… I think you already trust me.” I guess I did.

“So what if our beginning is from our past? We can still build on it, make our futures brighter and better with each other.” I’d never heard Jack talk like this before. I gave him a tearful smile. It had to be worth a try if he thought so.

“I was born on October 17, 1993. My mom was a piano teacher. I learned when I was seven. I learned guitar when I was four. My dad worked for a record company back in LA. I’m an only child and… my life goal was to go to Julliard in New York.” The personal things just started tumbling out of my mouth. Jack’s eyes widened.

“Julliard? No way.” He looked impressed.

“Yeah… I was all set to send in my application when…the accident happened. I was home alone that night, they’d gone out together on a date night. next thing I know, I get a phone call. The paramedic I talked to on the scene said they were being taken straight to the hospital…”

“By the time you got the bus there, it was too late.” Jack filled in. I nodded silently.

“We don’t have to talk about the bad things. I think we both know mostly all there is to know there, right?” He said, I think making sure that I knew I didn’t have to give up painful memories, most of which he already knew. I paused.

“I couldn’t stay at their funeral, I was so overwhelmed. I used my college fund to live off of and worked in restaurants just to pay the bills.” I finished.

“But you’re right… so what don’t I know about you?” I decided, pushing away the sadness and drying my eyes.

“Well, I was born on January 29, 1990…” I snorted.

“You’re old.” I teased. He stuck his tongue out at me as we both returned to the floor.

“I guess I was always interested in music. Actually Rian was the one who picked up the guitar first. I just kind of copied him. Rian was more the outgoing kid, I was the shy kid.” He shared.

“You? I would never have guessed.” I teased again. It was weird. Not ten minutes ago, I was panicking and crying. Maybe Jack had a superpower on me… I did feel better. I would learn later why. Jack chuckled.

“I have to admit I do have a touch of the romantic in me.” I almost laughed out loud.

“Really? Tough guy rocker is a romantic?” I asked.

“Just you wait until I can finally take you out on a real date.” He winked. This was an odd side of Jack, but I liked it.

“Alright, but I better be swept off my feet.” I smiled.

“Oh you will be.” We must’ve talked for hours just about each of our childhoods. I had to hand it to Jack, the whole ‘getting to know you’ thing was a great idea in the long run. Sure, it had started off kind of bumpy and I did still have fears, but I realized I trusted Jack, I’d already opened myself up to him in ways I’d never done with anyone. Deep down, I knew he was special and as time went by, I knew it even more.


	18. Seventeen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I stopped putting chapter summaries to leave an element of surprise for the reader. Hope you're enjoying so far.

Somehow, the next few weeks flew by. We did shows all throughout western Europe and living on the road was exhausting but also pretty fun. Jack and I had continued making progress. Every chance we got to be alone, all we did was talk. I learned things about him I never would’ve guessed in a million years and the same for him. I didn’t know he’d broken his left arm twice when he was ten, trying to be the next BMX star. Somehow, I could see it. Neither of us had our wisdom teeth out, we didn’t need to. Most of our conversations were pretty trivial, but I did like it. What started as being a complete head over heels affect that brought us together, was turning into a really good bond, a friendship. After a month on the road, things were starting to feel normal about being in a different city, different country every day. It was amazing seeing all the new places, I was seeing more of the world than I ever thought I would. Before I knew it, we made it to Italy. Rome to be exact, but Italy itself was incredible and not just because of the shows or even the sightseeing.

*******************************

The first thing I noticed when we arrived in Rome was it was nice and warm. It was May, almost June and the first thing I wanted to do was find the nearest pool. Of course with us it was always busy, busy.

“Hey, are you ready yet?” Jack knocked on my door as I pulled on a light t shirt to go sightseeing in, and pulled my long hair back into a high ponytail.

“Yeah, hang on.” I replied, opening my door and grabbing my bag. I was eager to see some of Italy’s finest tourist spots. I’d made sure my phone was charged so I could take tons of pictures. The others were already outside, near a waiting cab that would take us to our first destination. It was certainly a lot more fun touring without feeling miserable over my feelings for Jack. My mind wasn’t near as fuzzy. But I did wonder just how long I wanted to slow things down with us. It was the smart thing to do, I knew that, and Jack seemed fine with it too, but I remembered what Ally had told me a few months back when I was head over heels, puppy dog in love. She’d said it was the exact way she felt before she and Rian ended up together. That brought on a whole host of questions. How long did they wait? Of course, it was a different situation, they’d been friends for a lot of years beforehand. Jack and I were perfect strangers, just under six months ago. At first, I figured the love I felt for him was purely physical. And it might have been at first, but it had been growing, blossoming into a love that encompassed his entire being. Inside and out. I loved him. I really did. But I didn’t want to screw things up by saying that too quickly. We’d technically only been together for a few weeks. When was it appropriate to say those words, exactly? I didn’t know. I’d never said them to a guy before. The last person I ever said I love you to, was my mother… just before she and dad left, that terrible night. I’d been overthinking it for days, but I think deep down, I was afraid to say it. Afraid that if I did, Jack would be taken from me. it was silly, but I tried to forget about it. I had him, after all. He was happy, I was happy, we were in Italy. I realized I hadn’t said much though, and allowed myself to become lost in thought again for most of the cab ride through the lovely city. I was taking in the gorgeous scenery, but my mind was miles away. I guess I wasn’t too subtle though. When we got off at the Roman Coliseum, which by the way was magnificent, Jack pulled me aside.

“Hey.” He said. I gave him a smile.

“What’s up?” I asked, pretending to not have a care in the world.

“I was gonna ask you that. You feeling alright? You’re quiet today, that’s not like you.” He replied, expressing concern. I bit my lip, his pale blue eyes were too much sometimes.

“I’m fine. Just been thinking a lot.” I answered, not entirely a lie. Jack though, didn’t buy it.

“Do you wanna talk?” He pressed.

“Well not now…” I admitted, without thinking. Shoot. Now he knew something was on my mind.

“Way to go.” I thought, sarcastically.

“Let’s sneak away tonight.” He suggested.

“Can we?” I asked. He shrugged.

“I’ll make it work, just leave it to me.” He winked, trying to make me smile, I think. we looked at each other for a long moment, and I think we would’ve kissed, but we didn’t.

“Hey slowpokes! You coming or what?” Ally called from several feet ahead of us. I broke into a jog to catch up and then it was Ally who pulled me aside.

“Hey, what was that about?” She asked.

“Oh nothing, just Jack wants us to sneak out tonight.” I replied, in a low voice. Ally’s eyes widened.

“Like on a romantic little rendez vous? In Italy?” She pretty much whisper screamed. I fought a blush.

“Oh probably not. All we’ve been doing lately is talking.” I told her as Jack made pace with his mates in front of us. Ally mock groaned.

“You guys are so frustrating. All you do is talk, talk, talk. I wanna hear about some action between you two.” I couldn’t tell if she was joking or not. We had action, sort of. At the beginning when we were making out like a couple of lovesick teenagers. But I’d put a stop to that.

“Was it a mistake?” I wondered again. Of course not.

“It was the smart thing to do.” But was it? Sure there was a benefit, I was getting to know Jack more as a person than a music icon. And like I said, he seemed happy with the slower pace. I knew he’d never want to make me uncomfortable, but lately I was getting bored of going slow, even though it’d only been a few weeks, though they were day in and day out. I guess I wanted some action, myself.

“Talking is good, I’m sure you and Rian talked a lot when you first started dating.” I replied, casually. Ally gave me a look.

“Honey, I can swear to you that talking was the least thing we did.” She chuckled. Again, I fought a blush.

“Maybe I’m just being stupid about all of this.” I thought. I wished I had more experience in the relationship area of my life. I could count on one hand the amount of ‘boyfriends’ I’d ever had, if I could even call them that. My first was in seventh grade, with this guy named Ethan. To be honest, I only liked him because he always had his disc man with him and at least five or 6 different CD’s with earbuds and he’d always let me listen with him. But once eighth grade rolled around, he moved schools, so that was the end of that. My second boyfriend was Damien Hartzel, in tenth grade. He was in a ‘band’ with three of his other buddies, though all they did was cover the Foo Fighters. We dated for probably four months before he dumped me. And by dating, I mean holding hands at school, a few kisses and showing up to every dopey band practice. My third and last boyfriend was Jayce Kellerman in grade 11. He’d just moved from Sacramento and knew nobody. He was sweet, a piano player and we connected over music quite a bit. I ended it though, when he got a little too clingy. He’d show up at my window in the middle of the night to serenade me with a little keyboard. All three of those boys never meant anything near to what Jack had meant to me for a while now. He was the first I’d let in since my parents died and my heart closed over. I had advances from guys in college, cute ones too. But I wasn’t ready to open my heart again. I was too afraid.

“Maybe I’m still afraid.” I wondered as Ally and I caught up to the guys.

“Isn’t this place neat? Just think of how many people were crammed into this place.” Rian marvelled at the structure. Ally joined her boyfriend.

“Yeah, to watch people be slaughtered.” She reminded him.

“Say gladiators. It doesn’t sound as morbid.” Cameron chuckled. I stood alongside Jack as we waited for the next tour.

“Are you sure you’re alright?” He asked me again. Our eyes met.

“Yeah. I’m sure.” I smiled.

**********************

Rome was beautiful. It boggled my mind just how old some of the buildings and statues were. I remembered studying Roman history in high school, it was magnificent. Their belief system, their artistry, their architecture… I was able to focus a little better after lunch, at this amazing pizza place, but my thoughts still swirled around the back of my mind. I just didn’t want Jack fretting over me. Because I knew he would, if he wasn’t already. We headed back to the bus after dinner, pasta that time. I could say a lot about Rome, but one thing I knew I would miss was the food.

“What do you guys want to do tonight?” Ally asked as we all climbed back aboard our house on wheels.

“Oh I dunno, I thought maybe we’d watch the game.” Rian answered, nodding to the large television on the wall. I forgot they had satellite TV. Of course I wasn’t much of a TV watcher, myself.

“Oh yeah, maybe I’ll whip up some snacks then.” Ally suggested, making her way to the kitchenette.

“How can you still be hungry?” I chuckled, leaning against the counter.

“I’m not, but these guys are bottomless pits. Wanna help?” She answered. I looked to the boys who were already glued to the television, watching English football pre coverage. The sun was already beginning to set on the horizon, I knew it would be a beautiful evening. My eyes met Jack’s briefly and he subtly nodded his head toward the door.

“Um… actually I think I’m gonna take a little walk.” I decided, before remembering I didn’t have to cover up with her.

“I think I’m leaving with Jack soon.” I lowered my voice. She nodded and bit back a smile.

“Do you need to grab some things before you go? I’ll cover for you.” She offered. I nodded and headed back to my room. I changed, putting on my black jeweled bikini I’d picked up recently, just in case Jack’s plans involved water, and dressed in a long black maxi skirt with blue design on it and large orange flowers, that was also new, and a black halter crop top. My dark hair was already down and curly from being in a braid all the night before, so I left it. I left on too, my strappy sandals I’d been in all day. When I exited my room, Rian, Cameron and Chris were too attune to what they were watching that they didn’t notice me. Ally stood by the door though, a big smile on her face.

“You look…so hot.” She whispered. I chuckled.

“Thanks.” I don’t know why I got so dressed up, but it was summer, it was Italy… I was gonna look as pretty as I wanted to.

“He’s outside. Have fun, you two.” She winked, pushing the door open for me. I left the bus and Jack was waiting for me, looking at something on his phone. He didn’t look up until I stepped down off the last step. He nearly did a double take and I tried not to laugh.

“Wow.” He said, coming closer to me.

“Yeah, I picked this skirt up a few days ago. Thought it was time to debut it.” I smiled, suddenly feeling really relaxed. Maybe it was the ambiance the fading daylight was giving.

“Well, you look beautiful.” He smiled. I felt a chill run down my spine and I wasn’t even cold.

“So uh… what did you have planned?” I asked. Jack just smiled as a cab approached.

“You’ll see.” Was all he said as we climbed inside. The driver seemed to know where he was going, though Jack hadn’t said anything to him.

“This is technically our first date, you know. I want to surprise you.” Jack said after a moment. I smiled.

“Well, I don’t know. I think the night in Germany was our first date.” I countered, lightheartedly.

“Which time?” He asked, with a smirk. I was gonna joke with him, but suddenly felt anxious, so I clammed up and faced the window.

“You are scared.” I thought. Okay, I knew that. That’s why I’d slowed us down in the first place. I thought I’d gotten past it, but I clearly still had some deep rooted problems. It was all me, my past, my issues. I wanted us to be more, I wasn’t even sure if I could call Jack my boyfriend… but I was holding us back. Was I daring enough to take that big step into uncertainty? I was scared of us before because I was worried our relationship stood on a foundation of past sorrows. But now, I was worried that my part of the foundation would never be ready to move forward. I worried I’d keep stagnating with Jack to the point of him just giving up on me. He’d been so patient, even when he’d had feelings for me and I didn’t know. When would his patience run out? I felt very frustrated and wanted to get out of the car and just run. Before I could think that far ahead though, we stopped.

“Here we are, first stop.” He said, breaking the silence. He got out of the cab and came around to let me out, like a gentleman. I faked a smile as he took my hand and helped me up.

“Where are we?” I asked, looking around in the twilight.

“It’s called Villa Borghese Park. I hear it’s beautiful. But first, I wanted to go here.” Jack explained, pointing to a little pastry shop on the corner.

“Okay.” I agreed, not sounding overly excited. I know Jack noticed, but he said nothing on the matter. Five minutes later, we were entering the park on foot, both with cannoli’s.

“I have to say I really like Rome, the food is amazing.” I finally spoke. He nodded eagerly, focusing on his dessert. I laughed lightly and he gave me a smile.

“There’s the Rey I’m used to.” He remarked. I bit my lip again as we walked through the park.

“Rey?” He asked me after a while.

“Yeah?” I answered, throwing my wrapper in the nearby garbage can.

“What’s wrong?” He asked me outright.

“I told you I was fine.” I lied.

“Don’t give me that, I know you. Something’s wrong and you’re not telling me. you know you can tell me anything, right?” I sighed.

“I don’t want to do this right now, Jack. This is supposed to be a date.” I muttered, staring straight ahead. He grabbed my arm and stopped me.

“Won’t be much fun if I’m left wondering why you’re acting like this. Did I do something to upset you?” He began picking reasons out of the air.

“No, of course not. It’s not you, it’s me.” I explained. He paused.

“That’s what people usually say when they’re about to break up with someone. Is that what this is?” His tone got low and it kind of scared me. I swallowed hard.

“No… no it’s not. I just…” I trailed off, feeling tears burn behind my eyes.

“I’m not good at this. I uh… I wonder if making us slow down was the right move… I feel like I’m telling you what to do, making you be way too patient with me while I figure out what I want.” I admitted, slowly. Jack stepped closer to me.

“Well that’s alright, I mean, I’m not going to do anything that’ll make you uncomfortable, you know that.” His voice got gentle. I nodded.

“I know, I know… but you’re so patient with me and… what if I’m never ready? I…” I stopped. I did want to move forward. I did, but I just couldn’t admit I was terrified.

“Hey… hey, come here.” Jack murmured, bringing me into his arms.

“I want you to know something right now, Rey. You can wait as long as you want to. I’ll wait forever for you.” I sniffed.

“That’s not fair to you, Jack. It’s not. You deserve someone who’s not as gun-shy as I am…” I paused.

“I want to move forward…I really do. But I can’t…I-I’m just afraid.” I buried my head in his shoulder.

“You forget one thing, Rey. I chose you. I know you’re gun shy, I know this is new and neither of us even thought this would happen to us again, but I did choose you. You’re so strong and stubborn, you’re so talented and a wonderful listener. You’re like the best friend I’ve ever had and I never want to lose you. You’re not making me do anything. I’ll always be right next to you because…” He stopped as I looked up at him.

“Because I love you.” There it was. Those words. The words I’d been trying to figure out when to say. But he took the chance. He said it first. He knew those words would either make or break us. His eyes searched mine, in the dim light. I paused longer than I should have, but I was sure. And in his arms, with him looking into my eyes…I wasn’t so afraid anymore.

“I love you too.” I whispered. I felt ten pounds lighter once that sentence was out of my mouth. A smile tugged at Jack’s lips and I knew he was relieved.

“I love you.” I said a little louder, my vision slightly blurred from tears welling in my eyes. Jack brushed the side of my face gently, his other hand rested on my waist. He leaned in and we were kissing. Slow and soft, completely alone in the dark. I felt warm then, like something in my heart had just reopened and come back to life. Maybe I was in love at first, but maybe what we started with was purely physical, maybe. But now, I knew in my soul that I did love him, with my entire heart. Something I’d been unable to do for so long. I’d forgotten what it felt like. When we stopped, Jack touched his forehead to mine and I closed my eyes, just taking in this new feeling that had long laid dormant inside of me.

“Feel better, now?” He asked me, softly.

“Yeah. I do.” I whispered. I never wanted to stop feeling like this. The first time we kissed in the middle of nowhere in Germany could step down off the podium, that was the first prize winner. It felt like the first time too. But the first time of something that we both knew what it was and what we wanted.

“So what does this make us now? A couple?” I asked as we started walking again, Jack holding me with his arm around my waist. He smiled at me.

“I don’t see why not.”


	19. Eighteen

Jack and I were on cloud nine after that. I felt like I was floating on air, that I could do anything. We ended up back in a taxi and our last stop was a beach! It was late and the place was pretty much deserted. Perfect for us. I laughed as we both ran down the sand, barefoot.

“Fancy a swim?” Jack asked, happy as all else. Seemed he was, yanking off his shirt and jeans.

“Something tells me you do.” I replied, removing my skirt and top as he faced the ocean.

“It’s a good thing I wore this then.” I said. He turned and looked surprised.

“You’re just full of surprises.” He laughed, coming towards me. I took a deep breath, enjoying this new feeling. But as he reached for me, I took off running toward the water, laughing like a kid.

“You have to catch me, first.” I taunted, diving below the waves. Jack grinned and I saw him run toward me as I disappeared beneath the water. When I popped up for air, he was right in front of me.

“Tag. You’re it.” He smiled. We ended up kissing instead, just us both bobbing there in the waves.

********************

We were in the water for hours. Swimming, chasing one another, laughing like a couple of kids and just having an amazing time. I don’t think I’d ever felt happier than I did with him that night. When we’d had enough of the water, we laid on the sand, far up on the beach underneath this big old tree, not caring one bit that we’d both be absolutely covered in the stuff. We threw our clothes back on, but we were both soaked still. Luckily, Jack had a big sweater I didn’t know he had than enveloped the both of us. Just laying there on the beach with the large moon over us was utterly perfect. We were so close, I could hear his heartbeat with my head laid against his chest. It was probably my most favourite sound in the world. I ended up falling asleep for a good few hours and as it turns out, so did he.

When I woke up again, the sun was starting to peek over the horizon. Jack woke up as I did and saw the same thing. I looked at him.

“Did we…” I started, beginning to laugh. We’d stayed out all night. Fell asleep on the beach under an old tree. Jack laughed too.

“We make great company, don’t we? Sleeping the night away.” He remarked.

“No, no. It was amazing. All of it.” I assured him as we both got up, as I figured, covered in sand. Neither of us cared though, too happy for any cares. It was almost 5:30 am and we’d left at around 8:00 the night before. Nine hours alone together. Totally worth it. We caught a cab back to the bus and tried to be as quiet as possible. Luckily, no one was awake. We shared a look as I walked back to my room. I changed into new clothes and tried to shake as much sand as I could off of myself. I’d definitely need a shower, but I had to stay quiet for the time being, I didn’t want to rouse anyone. I wondered what Ally had told the boys, but mostly I didn’t care. I actually thought maybe it was time to tell them about Jack and I. as I laid down in my bunk, I opened my phone and saw Ally had texted three times.

_ “Having a good time? It’s awful late…” _

_ “It’s 2am, where are you?” _

_ “…you’re doing it, aren’t you??”  _ I snorted and locked my phone. Oh Ally. As if on cue, there was a soft knock at my door. Thinking initially it was Jack, I opened it softly, but saw Ally instead.

“Hey, I heard you guys come in.” She said, half awake. I let her in and closed the door.

“Yeah, we didn’t intend to be out all night but…” I trailed off.

“Did you guys…” She asked, perking immediately. I laughed lightly.

“We fell asleep.” I told her. Her jaw dropped.

“You have got to be kidding me. You guys are like the most boring pair ever.” She facepalmed.

“Oh is that so? Well then I’ll have you know that he said it.” I smirked.

“Said it? Said what?” She asked.

“He said he loved me.” I replied, softly. Her eyes widened.

“He didn’t…” She was stunned. I smiled.

“Yep, I said it back… because I do. I really love him. And he loves me.” I whispered, trying not to cry again. Ally hugged me tight.

“Oh my God, I’m so happy for you! See? I told you things would work out. What did I tell you? You two are perfect for one another in so many ways.” She beamed. I filled my friend in on our evening’s activities and when I was finished, she was practically drawing up wedding plans. Just as I finished though, there was another knock on my door. Ally gave me a look. I just got up and opened it.

“Jack, I figured you’d go back to sleep.” I said, speaking softly.

“Oh I doubt I could sleep anymore…” He stopped when he saw Ally.

“Sorry, I didn’t know…” He started, but Ally came over.

“Don’t worry about me. I know.” She whispered, squeezing past us and patting Jack on the shoulder. He watched her go and faced me again.

“She’s uh…known for a while. She’s clever like that.” I admitted as he came in and closed the door.

“I figured. So you didn’t go back to sleep either?” He smiled, reaching for me again. I drifted into his arms and rested my head against him.

“No. I doubt I’ll be able to sleep alone ever again, to be honest.” I smiled, only half serious.

“So don’t. You can move in with me.” He suggested.

“Move into your bunk?” I asked, with a light laugh.

“Yeah, why not?” It wasn’t a bad idea. Ally was always with Rian. Or, if we wanted privacy, we could move into my space.

“Sure, okay. But…we’d have to tell the others. Ally’s the only one who knows.” I told him.

“Do you want to?” He asked. I nodded, smiling.

“You’re my boyfriend now. It’s not a secret romance anymore. I think we can let everyone in on our little secret.” I decided. And the morning began. Jack and I both decided to shower, I let him go first because I knew I’d take longer. I was pretty sure I had sand embedded in every inch of hair on my head. The bathroom was still steamy when I went in and on the fogged mirror, Jack had drawn a heart with the letter R in it. I smiled, feeling that warmth in my heart again. An hour later, we were in my room, sitting up on my bed together cruising twitter hashtags on our tour and talking about that night’s upcoming show. It wasn’t until around 8 that we heard life outside of my room. 8:30 and we heard conversation. I hopped up from my position and set down my laptop.

“Sounds like everyone’s up. Shall we go fill them in?” I asked, probably too excited. Jack stood too and went to open the door.

“You bet.” So, we walked out to the table, where everyone had coffee. Ally sat on the end and smiled at me.

“Morning everyone.” I said, happily.

“Morning Rey. Jack, where the hell were you last night, man? You missed a hell of a match.” Rian asked his brother.

“He uh…he was with me.” I answered. Everyone froze.

“Yeah. Rey and I went out…actually, there’s something important we have to tell you all.” Jack replied.

“You two?” Cameron asked, pointing to us.

“Yeah. We’re together. We’re a couple.” Jack looked so happy. His bandmates stared at him for quite a while, almost in disbelief.

“Somebody, please say something.” I chuckled, wondering why they were all so stunned for a moment, until I realized. I was Jack’s first love since Jesse. Rian suddenly looked like he might cry.

“We…We’re really happy for you guys, that’s wonderful.” Chris finally spoke.

“Yeah, we’re happy.” I nodded. Jack was looking at his brother. Ally let him out of the bench and suddenly, the both of them were heading outside. I looked around.

“What…?” I wondered, even though I knew the answer.

“You have to remember you’re the first since Jesse. I don’t think Rian ever thought Jack would make it this far again with anyone.” Ally replied as I sat. I nodded slowly.

“It’s been big for both of us.” I replied softly.

“Yeah, but you might be the one, Rey. Jack doesn’t give his heart easily. I have no doubt Jack would’ve married Jesse if she hadn’t…you know. He’s kind of an old soul that way. If he falls in love, it’s for life.” Cameron explained.

“I think I hear wedding bells already.” Chris teased.

“Oh guys, come on.” I chuckled. We were not ready for that yet, I didn’t think. I leaned over and peered out the window, looking out to where Jack and Rian were. They both looked emotional and hugged one another. I smiled, feeling tears threaten again. It sunk in then that I had changed Jack, I’d healed him. He had changed me in a way, too I think. because without him, I wouldn’t have learned to love again.

*********************************

I was still walking on clouds as I prepped for that night’s show. I was in my usual getup, black jeans, boots and a band tee. That night, it was ironically my Raven Wing tee I’d had for quite a few years. I didn’t really think much of it until I was putting my hair into a high ponytail and there was a knock on my door.

“It’s open.” I called, with bobby pins in my mouth. Jack came in and I smiled.

“Hey.” I greeted him, finishing my hair.

“Giving us some extra publicity tonight, eh?” He asked, eyeing my shirt. I laughed.

“Yeah, I guess I am. Haven’t worn this in years.” I admitted, straightening it slightly.

“Well you look great. Ready for tonight?” I nodded eagerly, though I really wanted to ask him about that morning. We’d hardly had a moment together since then. We’d all been running around like headless chickens all day trying to prepare for the show. Sound checks, set up, rehearsal, it ate up the clock. This was probably the first time I’d seen Jack alone when we weren’t running, since early that morning.

“It’s uh, been a crazy day, hasn’t it?” I started, slowly, checking my makeup in the mirror as Jack perched on the arm of the couch in the room.

“I’ll say. But busy keeps us out of trouble.” He replied, sounding like his usual laid back self. I faced him, clasping my hands in front of me.

“I uh…wanted to talk to you about this morning.” I continued.

“Which part?” He answered.

“You know which part. I have to say, I really wasn’t expecting that kind of reaction when we told everyone about us.” At that, Jack nodded slowly.

“Oh. Yeah. I guess I should’ve known they’d react like that. I mean you’re the first…”

“The first since Jesse, yes, yes, I know.” I interrupted.

“What you have to understand, Rey, is before you came along, I was taking a one way trip off the edge of a cliff, and fast. I mean, God knows where I’d be today if you hadn’t come into our lives. Rian especially was pretty near damn convinced I’d end up in the gutter someplace, face down one day, dead. And odds are I probably would have. To the guys, seeing you and I together, slowly learning to get along, establishing a friendship and now a relationship, is something I don’t think any of them ever expected. And that’s not a bad thing. Like, you’re probably the best thing that could have happened to me, to all of us. When Rian and I went outside, he was just overcome with…everything I guess. From seeing me decline like I did and then seeing you sort of raise me up again was in his eyes, a miracle. And I guess it was. And he’s just really happy for us, Rey. He’s so happy I’ve found someone I truly love. And so am I, because honestly, I never thought I’d love again.” Jack explained, his eyes shining with tears, unwilling to fall. He wasn’t the only one.

“Jeez, Jack, you’re gonna make me cry over here.” I laughed, trying to blink my tears away. He got up and wrapped his arms around me.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.” He apologized.

“No, no. I’m not upset, I’m happy. Happier than I can even describe.” I told him.

“Okay, well good. Just…no tears. If you start, then I’ll start.” He chuckled, blinking furiously. I nodded and quickly dried my eyes as a brisk knock came at my door.

“Yeah?” I asked.

“Ten minutes until curtain, Ms. Blythe.” A stage tech poked his head inside and said.

“Thank you.” I replied.

“Well, I guess I should let you go.” He said, heading toward the door.

“Yeah. Knock em dead, ok? I’ll see you afterward.” I replied, opening the door for him.

“You knock em dead first… I love you.” There it was again. The first of the day, but the second, overall. I didn’t think I’d ever tire of hearing it. I leaned in and gave him a quick kiss.

“I love you too.”

****************************

My set went great, as usual. I headed directly to my album signing and that went well too. I was still in a great mood, and it showed. That is until someone came up and placed a grainy photo in front of me of a man and a woman in the dim light, sleeping under a tree on the beach. My heart skipped a beat. Where had the photo come from? I locked eyes with the girl.

“This…is you…yes?” She asked, pointing to the smaller figure.

“Uh… no, no I think you must have me mistaken.” I said, nodding to security to push her through. After that, my mood wasn’t great. There was a picture of Jack and I floating around that just about anybody could get their hands on. Sure, it was grainy as hell, and you couldn’t really make out who the people were, but that girl sure had a pretty good idea. I hadn’t been online since early that morning, so I rushed back to my dressing room and opened up twitter to find that photo was trending! Apparently the photo was more enhanced online. You could make Jack out, but my head was turned from the camera. The hashtag #JacksMysteryGirl was number 2.

“Well damn it.” I thought. I hadn’t really thought that far ahead. I was barely used to the media knowing about me. And now they were onto Jack and I as a couple? The media would eat me alive. I was a newbie, essentially a nobody, dating Jack Cross of freakin Raven Wing!

“They don’t know it was you.” I thought. But that girl thought it was me. I soon found out why. Rumors were already circulating that  _ ‘Jack Cross was hooking up with the band’s opening act, an amateur musician from Los Angeles California, USA.’  _ I tossed my phone on the coffee table in front of the couch and buried my face in my hands.

“Perfect.” I groaned. What Jack and I had was real, wonderful and strong. I really didn’t want us getting thrown to the media wolves who would want to tear apart every little thing about us.

“I wonder if he knows.” I thought. I was so bent out of shape over it, I completely forgot to go and watch the boys play. I didn’t even go see them when they finished. So Jack came to me. he didn’t knock, just opened the door.

“There you are, we were wondering where you’d run off to. Did you see the show?” He asked, his hair still damp with sweat. I just sat, still staring at my phone.

“No…I didn’t.” My voice sounded hollow.

“Rey? What is it?” Jack’s voice became worried. I reached for my phone and opened up twitter. I handed it to him and he scrolled.

“Oh…How…Rey, I’m sorry, I have no idea how this got out there.” He said, clearly surprised by it. I stood, my arms crossed.

“I…didn’t really want this out there, Jack. I mean… I understand we’re celebrities and this stuff is going to happen but, I mean there’s already rumours about us online.” I lamented.

“No, no you’re right. We have to put an end to the rumors. We’ll just say we’re dating.” He suggested.

“Why do they need to know at all? Since when is it their business what we do?” I asked, getting a little agitated. He paused.

“It’s not, but Rey, if we don’t deny or confirm anything, that’s all any interviewer is going to ask us. Trust me, it’s better if they just know.” He tried to explain. I dropped my arms to my sides.

“Did you tell everyone you were with Jesse?” I knew that question was a mistake, the second it was out of my mouth. Jack’s blue eyes suddenly turned dark.

“That was a vastly different situation, Rey.” His voice sounded weird and I should’ve just left it alone, but my stubborn ass couldn’t just let it go.

“Oh really? You weren’t about to throw her to the media but you’re ok with doing that to me? Do you realize how new I am to this? I don’t want my personal life on the pages of every magazine in Europe!” I cried. Jack stood freakishly still.

“Don’t you dare try and compare yourself to her. You are not her, you’ll never be her. That’s how show business works, Rey. If you don’t like it, you shouldn’t have gotten into it.” I could feel my heart fall to my shoes.

“What?” My voice sounded strangled. Jack realized what he said and suddenly his expression changed, but it was too late. The words were already out of his mouth. Of course I shouldn’t have said what I did, but Jack had basically just said I didn’t measure up to Jesse and I never would.

“I knew it.” I told myself bitterly as I marched out of the room, pushing past him as I did. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of seeing me cry.

“Rey! Rey, wait!” I heard him call after me, but I kept going. The warm summer air hit my face as I walked outside and it felt like the magical time Jack and I had the night before had all been shot to hell. I practically ran to the bus and locked myself in my room in the back, before the tears came. Hot, fast and big. I curled up in my bunk and sobbed into my pillow. How could he say that?

“You started it…” I was reminded. True, but why would he say what he did? Several moments later, I heard footsteps and the bus rock slightly. There was a soft knock on my door and someone tried to open it. But I’d locked it.

“Rey? Please open the door.” Jack pleaded, softly.

“Go away!” I yelled. There was a pause, and I wondered if he left. Sniffing, I pulled myself up and went to open the door to make sure. To my surprise, he was standing there, arms folded.

“What do you want?” I demanded, probably looking horrible.

“I want to talk. I’m sorry for what I said, that wasn’t fair.” He sounded level headed. I shook my head.

“No, you’re right. I’ll never be Jesse, so why don’t I just leave?” I snapped, bitterly, trudging back into my room, leaving the door open.

“Leave? What the hell are you talking about?” He asked, coming in and closing the door behind us. I faced him.

“You said it yourself. I shouldn’t try to compare myself to Jesse because I wasn’t her and I’d never be her. You’re right. I never will be. It’s obvious you’re still hung up on her. And I can’t take the media trying to stick their noses into my personal life so I’ll just leave. Save you all the trouble.” My voice was harsher than I’d ever heard it before in my life. I started pulling clothes out of my drawers and throwing them on the bed.

“Rey! Rey! Stop it!” Jack shouted, grabbing my arm. I dropped the armful of clothes onto the bed and faced him again, tears now leaving tracks down my face.

“I didn’t mean it like that. You misunderstood!” He exclaimed. I was silent.

“I got frustrated, I’m sorry. But I didn’t mean you shouldn’t compare yourself to Jesse at all and that you’ll never be her because you aren’t her. You aren’t sick, you aren’t vulnerable. I kept Jesse out of the spotlight because she was ill and an easy target. You are not her and that’s a good thing. You can stick up for yourself, defend yourself and carry on kicking ass like nobody’s business. What I said about if you don’t like it then you shouldn’t have gotten into music was my fault, I got frustrated. I-I’m sorry. I’m not hung up on Jesse, Rey. You should know that by now. I’m hung up on you. You’re my girlfriend, you’re the one I love. Okay? I’m so sorry.” He explained, looking about ready to break down. Well I did. I started crying again and sank onto the edge of the bed.

“I’m sorry.” I cried. Jack sat beside me and held me close.

“Shhh… it’s alright.” He replied, softly. I shook my head.

“N-No, it isn’t… I panicked… I freaked out. I thought you were going to leave me when you said that. I-I’ve lost everybody I’ve ever loved.” I cried. I know that’s why I flipped out. The second Jack had said what he did, all I could see was the day of my parents’ funeral. A sea of faces I didn’t know all sat in front of me, I was alone in the world, without a single soul who loved me.

“Hey, no listen to me. Rey, you’re never going to lose me, okay? Look at me, love.” Jack said, gently. I looked at him.

“You will never lose me. I’m not going anywhere. You don’t have to be afraid. Okay? I promise.” He told me, staring into my eyes. I nodded slowly.

“O-okay.” I whispered, laying against him again. He gathered me into his arms and I felt safe again, where I belonged. I felt like I should apologize for freaking out on him, but I ended up drifting off to sleep.

**Third Person POV**

Jack was slightly uncomfortable laying on a giant pile of Rey’s clothes, but she’d just gotten to sleep and he didn’t want to disturb her. He felt so bad about how their night had ended. He thought Rey understood Jesse was his past, but clearly she was still afraid of him waking up one day and deciding that she wasn’t going to work for him. He pet her long hair gently, still in it’s ponytail. He hated knowing she had fears like that. Just then, the door of her room cracked open and Ally appeared.

“Hey, we heard shouting. Is everything ok?” She asked, but Jack gently shushed her.

“She just had a rough end to her night. She’ll be ok.” He whispered.

“Is she asleep?” Ally whispered back and he nodded. As Ally left, she turned out the light and miraculously, on that pile of clothes, Jack fell asleep also.


	20. Nineteen

When I woke up, Jack was with me. It took me a moment to remember what had happened, and when I did, I felt terrible. Jack deserved a big apology and not one that was in amongst me having a meltdown. He was still asleep, laying on his back, his hair all mussed. A smile tugged at my lips as I touched a light kiss on his forehead.

“Hm?” He mumbled sleepily.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.” I whispered.

“Rey, you’re up.” He said, waking up more.

“Yeah, one tends to do that in the morning.” I offered a light joke as I sat on the edge of the bed and let my messy hair down out of it’s ponytail. I felt him touch my shoulder.

“Are you doing alright?” He asked me. I nodded.

“I am. And I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have flipped out on you like that.” I apologized, standing and trying to find an outfit before realizing I’d chucked all my clothed onto the bed.

“No, I understand. You were upset.” Jack nodded, moving off the bed. I sighed.

“Yeah. But I’m talking about Twitter. I’d rather forget about the other thing.” I admitted. Jack nodded, seeming to agree.

“If you don’t want to confirm the rumours, we don’t have to. Fans get crazy theories all the time, give this some time and it’ll lose its steam, I’m sure.” Jack explained. I rummaged on my bed for some clothes to change into.

“I think we should put out a statement.” I decided. Jack looked surprised.

“Really? Are you sure?” He made sure. I nodded.

“It’s better this way. And like you said once, people are gonna have their opinions but I don’t really care and I shouldn’t. Right? I’m happy, you’re happy. That’s all that matters.” I smiled. Jack’s shoulders relaxed, I hadn’t noticed they were tense until then.

“You ok?” I asked with an amused look.

“Oh yeah, just slept funny. On a pile of clothes.” He snorted.

“Yeah…Sorry. So what do you say? About just coming out with it?” I smiled, changing into fresh jeans and a t shirt. He nodded.

“Alright. Let’s do it. Do you want to do it now?” He asked, pulling out his phone. I nodded.

“Sure. But no pictures. Not at least until you do something with your hair.” I teased as I raked my hairbrush through my own. Jack just laughed.

“Does it look that bad?” He asked, trying to look upward at his own hair. I tossed him my hairbrush.

“Not terrible, you can use that, if you like.” I offered, weaving my hair into two braids.

“Thanks Rey, but there’s a certain process to this hair.” He informed me, in all seriousness. I chuckled.

“You’re kidding.” He shook his head.

“Nope. It’s a lot of product.” He said, a smirk slowly spreading across his face.

“Good God, you’re more of a girl than I am.” I teased.

“Oh I am, am I?” He taunted standing and trying to grab me.

“Hey!” I squealed as he picked me up and tossed me onto the bed.

“It seems we’ve done this before. Do you enjoy this?” I smirked.

“Play wrestling? Kind of. You’re very strong…for a girl.” He taunted.

“Oh?” I challenged playfully, even though I knew I deserved that one. I shoved him back and ducked up.

“I’m also fast.” I stuck my tongue out at him. Such a change from when I fell asleep the night before. We were back to ourselves, constantly ribbing on one another. It felt right, normal. Before we got too into our antics, someone knocked on the door. Still trying to escape Jack, I practically dove for the door and opened it.

“Oh, Good morning, Ally.” I sang, just slightly out of breath. She looked so puzzled for a few moments.

“Uh Okay, I won’t ask what you two were up to, just wanted to let you know I made some breakfast and we’ll be taking off for Tuscany by eleven.” She said, before giving me an amused look and closing the door. Jack and I burst out laughing.

“What do you suppose was going through her head?” Jack wondered.

“Nothing good, I’m sure.” I replied.

“Oh you know what you should’ve done, you should’ve messed up your hair and rumpled your shirt.” He laughed.

“Oh you’d like that wouldn’t you?” I joked. He paused then, actually thinking about it!

“Jack!” I snapped my fingers.

“Yeah!” He answered, snapping back to reality. I shook my head.

“Goof. Let’s go eat. I’m starving.” I said, heading for the door.

******************

I was in a surprisingly really good mood, given how my night ended. Jack ended up making our relationship a known fact to the world, over breakfast. I knew there’d be backlash, but I was prepared for it. I guess that helped. Though, once it was out there and we took off for Tuscany, I ended up back in my room, folding my clothes and putting them away and replaying all I’d done the night before. I really lost my cool and that wasn’t like me at all. I knew it was for a deeper reason, and Jack had been just so understanding, but I still felt bad. Bad that I even had brought Jesse up in the first place. I should’ve known better than to do that. Jack had been fine, thank God, but it wasn’t fair to him. Moving on with his life and falling in love with me was what mattered. Bringing up his late girlfriend was a really low thing to do. I’d apologized, he’d accepted, but I felt like I had to do more. What though, I had no idea.

“You could get him a present.” I thought as I finished cleaning my quarters and straightening my bedspread. Sure, I could’ve, but what? I was kind of the worst for picking out gifts, I usually stuck to gift cards. I ended up on my laptop trying to research gift shops in Tuscany. It was my only shot. It was hard though, given that a lot of the shops had old Italian stuff in it I was pretty sure Jack wouldn’t care for. I was engrossed in what I was doing for quite a while before I noticed my phone had like fifteen messages from my college Facebook group. All about the same thing, Jack’s announcement on his social media. It was number one on every site. Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, you name it. My heart began to race as I braced myself.

_ “Way to go, Rey! You managed to snag the hottest guy on the planet…so jealous.” _

_ “What’s he like?” _

_ “So happy for you!!”  _ Well, I guess my old college classmates would’ve been supportive. I remembered feeling jealous not that long ago that so many of my classmates had grown up, gotten engaged, married or pregnant and I was traveling the world, completely unattached. I wasn’t jealous anymore because like one girl had commented, I had snagged the hottest guy on the planet. But it wasn’t just the looks for me. No, that was an added bonus. I’d learned to love Jack for the person he was inside. And he loved me so much.

“No matter how much I keep losing it on him.” I thought. I had lost count of how many times I’d had a breakdown in front of him. Before I came, I never melted down like I had been doing. I was sort of this closed off person who stuck to herself and never let anyone in. I knew that. I was broken, damaged, kind of a lone wolf who suddenly had four friends and a boyfriend. A boyfriend who deeply cared about me and only wanted good things for me. I guess since we’d gotten serious, and the more I got to know and trust him, Jack sort of unleashed every feeling, every emotion I’d kept bottled away inside of me. I hoped he didn’t think I was some kind of hot mess. Yet another thing I had to apologize for. I thought about going out of my space to hang with the others, but something kept me holed up in my bunk. Embarrassment, perhaps. Jack thought the world of me, said that I was this badass woman, the night before and I knew he believed it, but I was having a hard time believing it. I really needed to reel in my emotions.

“Stop being so hard on yourself.” I tried to tell myself. But I still couldn’t help but think something was wrong with me. We’d both been through tragedy and it left the both of us a little closed off. I wondered if I was more closed off than he. I mean, I was sure I’d never be ready to tell Jack I loved him and he told me first. I was ready to throw in the towel the second I worried that maybe, just maybe, Jack wasn’t over his past, even though it was my own paranoid delusion. I closed my laptop and laid on my back, remembering what Cameron had told me the previous day. Jack was old fashioned. When he fell in love, it was for life. It was a lovely thought, but would I be ready for us to have a future together? What came after my contract was up? Hopefully I’d have my own record deal at some point. Would I stay with Jack, go back to England after the tour? Would we stay together for a few years? Would he propose? Would I say yes? Would I be happy? Would he be? Would we have a family? Would I be ready for something like that? I never imagined myself playing house. That being said, I never imagined someone would actually fall in love with me. And now that he had, my future seemed this big blur and it used to be one clear image. Playing sold out shows with my name in bright lights. Jack made me confused, happy, sad, scared and loved all at the same time and that itself was terrifying. My phone chimed and I picked it up. my twitter account was apparently blowing up. I opened the app and Jack’s announcement had been retweeted about half a million times already. The general feedback was good, fans happy Jack had found somebody. Others were not so nice, but I tried not to focus on those, even though my eyes kept wanting to wander and find what nasty things people had to say about me. Luckily, before I could lose all self control, the bus stopped and pressurized. I’d been on the road long enough to know that meant we’d arrived. I definitely needed a distraction too, to get myself out of my own head. I exited my room before anyone could come and fetch me.

“Hey, there you are.” Ally smiled, catching my eye. I returned the smile.

“Yeah, sorry. I was just getting organized.” I made up an excuse that wasn’t entirely untrue. I noticed we were the only two aboard, the boys had left already. Ally nodded.

“Yeah. I hear you had a rough night last night. Everything going ok?” She asked, grabbing her bag.

“Um, yeah. I just had a bit of a meltdown. I’m okay now though, it’s no big deal.” I shrugged.

“Well I know Jack wouldn’t say so. He was telling us what happened, this morning.” She divulged.

“Well then why’d you ask?” I wondered.

“Because I wanted to hear your side of the story. I really think you and he need to have a bit of a serious talk. He’s worried that you don’t believe he truly loves you and wants to be with you. Is that true?” I tried not to be annoyed with Ally, pressing me about my personal life, but I knew she meant well. I sighed.

“No… I just… I have trust issues. Commitment issues. What happened last night shouldn’t have happened. I went too far.” I admitted. Ally nodded.

“You should tell him that, I think. Because Jack really does love you, Rey. You can see it in the way he talks about you, even when he’s worried you’re not happy with him.” She made a final point, before leaving the bus. My mouth suddenly felt dry. I knew I had to make things right. I thought I had that morning, until I really thought about it. And now Ally was telling me this new information… I blamed movies for making being in love with someone completely easy. Like all we had to do was dance in the moonlight to an Ed Sheeran song and everything would end up just peachy for us. Italy had one magical night, but the rest of my time there wasn’t going so great. I suddenly just wanted to close myself back up in my room and stay there, but that was unreasonable. I had to grow up sometime. I couldn’t be the same girl I was before Jack and the others came into my life. I had to learn, grow and open up my heart. It had started, but one argument had me all closed over again. I needed to let Jack break through my shell. I needed to let him see that I was alright, I loved and needed him. He’d chosen me, he’d said so. But he didn’t know I’d chosen him too.

*******************************

“So where are we off to then, guys?” I asked, much too cheerfully when I finally exited the bus. I shouldn’t have bothered with the tone, everyone knew it was fake. My eyes met Jack’s and I smiled. He did too, but it looked strained. I felt my heart dip.

“Oh I dunno, I thought maybe we’d just walk around the shops, see what we can find.” Rian responded with a shrug as a cab pulled up for us. Make that two cabs. I was confused.

“Why two?” I asked.

“Because you and I are going off together for a while.” Jack answered. I couldn’t read his emotion.

“Oh…okay.” I replied, trying not to sound too stressed out.

“We’ll catch up with you guys later, then.” Jack said as the rest of them piled into the other cab. I looked to Ally and she gave me a look. I didn’t know what it was supposed to mean at first, but I guess it meant that I needed to talk to Jack, which I already knew. I followed him into the other cab, trying not to be nervous. I had no reason to be…right?

“Where are we going?” I asked.

“Somewhere quiet.” He replied, simply.

“Can…I ask why?” I pressed.

“There’s just some unresolved things between us. And on the road, you hardly get a moment to yourself just to think.” I bit my lip, trying to remember all the things I resolved to do, everything I wanted to tell him. We didn’t speak again until the cab let us off and Jack paid the driver. We appeared to be at another park. I didn’t mind, it was another nice warm day, I was more concerned about what Jack was going to say. We walked in silence and I was dying for him to say something, until we approached a low stone wall off to the side of the path.

“Come on, let’s sit here.” He said, walking over to it. I joined him and sat, tensely.

“I uh…have a feeling I know what this is about. And I just want to say I’m really sorry.” The words came tumbling out of my mouth as my heart raced. He nodded slowly.

“I know. You keep saying you’re sorry and I believe you. Mostly. I just…I don’t want to force you into anything you’re not okay with.” He replied.

“You told me that already. I know.” I was puzzled.

“Yeah, but the other night. When I told you I loved you. Did you just say it back because I said it?” He asked me outright.

“What? No, of course not. Jack, I’d been trying to find the right time to tell you myself, but I was worried you wouldn’t feel the same way. I do love you. I do, I promise.” I was pretty close to babbling, I needed to calm down. But I couldn’t believe Jack would think that.

“You’re sure?” He was so serious. I blinked back tears.

“Yes, yes I’m sure. Ally told me you were worried that I don’t really want to be with you. But I do. I told you last night, my problems are deeper than that. None of it has anything to do with me not being sure of my feelings for you. They just scare me. I’m a flight risk, I know. And I don’t know where this is going to go, or how long it’ll last, and I suppose that scares me too. I’ve been alone and closed off for so, so long I feel like I’m this new person and there’s all these new possibilities. I’m unsure of a lot of things. A lot of things to do with us and they do scare me but what I do know is that I love you and I need you. As long as you love and need me too. I promise I’m telling the honest to God truth.” I said, managing to get through my speech without any tears. Jack was silent for a while, before he cracked a smile.

“That’s just what I wanted to hear. Ally’s a good actress, don’t you think?” He said. I did a double take. Did I miss something?

“What on Earth are you talking about?” I asked, completely thrown.

“I had Ally tell you something I made up about me worrying you didn’t really love me. it was a test, a game. I just wanted to make damn sure before I gave you this.” Jack explained, taking out a small burgundy velvet box from his pocket. I gasped, still trying to process what had just happened.

“Jack…That’s not…” I stammered. Surely it wouldn’t be an engagement ring…right? That was crazy! Jack’s eyes widened as I began to visibly panic.

“Oh! Oh no, God no, sorry, I guess I presented this completely wrong. Here.” He chuckled, opening the box to reveal…a silver and opal ring.

“Uh…a little explanation would be nice.” My voice shook with uncertainty.

“It’s a promise ring. I got it when we were in Rome, I planned to give it to you the night we ended up on the beach, but I forgot, we fell asleep and then things just kind of …happened. Anyway, Opal is your birthstone, isn’t it? October? And I just wanted to give you something that signified just how much you mean to me. How much I love you. I guess waiting was better after all, given what happened last night.” He explained. It was beautiful, a twisted design with the opal directly in the middle. Tiny zircons ran along the rest of it.

“Wow…” I breathed, trying not to cry again.

“Do you like it?” Jack asked, slipping it onto my finger. I let out a breath.

“I love it. Thank you.” I smiled, wrapping my arms around him.

“I was acting too, you know. There’s no unresolved issues between us, right?” He chuckled, letting me go. I bit my lip again.

“Well no, but I feel like I should apologize again for last night. I really shouldn’t have done what I did. And bringing Jesse into our argument was…not cool.” I said. Jack just smiled.

“I swear, you could win the apology award. Rey, you’ve apologized three times now. And I forgave you the first time. We’re okay, I promise.” He assured me. I nodded slowly.

“I just want you to know that I don’t normally lose my cool like I have been. And I am going to get better with the trusting thing and letting people in. You’ve just been so patient with me and caring, enduring, trusting…I just wish I could give you something to say, you know, thanks for loving this hot mess.” I told him, with a light chuckle. Jack took my hand.

“You don’t have to do that. Knowing you’re mine is everything I could ever want.” He replied, leaning close, so our foreheads were touching. I smiled.

“You’re so great. I don’t know what I did to deserve you.” I murmured.

“I wonder that myself, sometimes.” Jack answered, before kissing me. We were in public, but we didn’t care. Everything finally felt right again.


	21. Twenty

When we joined the others, someplace in the middle of the city, I felt like I was walking on air. While half of me wanted to pummel Jack for making me freak out like I had been, before he gave me the promise ring, the other half just wanted to hold onto him and never let go.

“Hey, there they are.” I heard Chris before I saw him and the other three. My eyes found him and I waved as they made their way over to Jack and I.

“Hey, what’d we miss?” I asked, cheerfully.

“I got this.” Ally replied, holding up a really gorgeous blue and silver necklace that looked ancient.

“Actually I got it, for you.” Rian reminded her, with a light nudge. Ally’s eyes danced and wandered to the ring on my hand.

“Apparently I’m not the only one with some jewellery. Look at that!” She exclaimed, taking hold of my hand. Jack chuckled.

“You can cut the act now, Ally. You’re a good actress.” He told her. Ally took a mock bow.

“Thank you, thank you.” We all laughed at her antics.

“So, how’d it go? Everything ok with you two, now?” Rian asked. I nodded and looked to Jack.

“I think so, yes.” Was my answer.

“Geez, I still can’t believe you two are a thing. Like, didn’t you once hate each other’s guts?” Cameron clarified as we took off walking as a group. I nodded.

“We did, but that was mostly just shallow bickering.” I shrugged. Okay, maybe not bickering, we really did hate one another. But hate had turned into love and I thought it was beautiful. We spent a good part of the day just venturing about.

We were recognized and asked for photos, even me, and that was fun, though I didn’t know a thing in Italian and most fans’ English was rather broken, but we made the best of it. Around 3, we all headed back to the bus to prep for the show. I would’ve liked nothing better than to slow down and let my mind catch up on everything that had happened, but there just wasn’t time. I had to gather my stuff and make sure my music equipment was taken in and set up for my sound check. I knew the routine of course, it was the same song and dance nearly every night. But it did get exhausting.

“That’s showbiz.” I thought, as I changed into my performance clothes, later on in my dressing room. I was going over my set list in my head like I normally did. I usually ended the show with the same cover of an old Orianthi song. But standing there, in front of the mirror as I re wove my hair into a chunky braid, I decided I’d end with something new. Something different. I didn’t know if it was because I’d told Jack I felt like this whole new person or not, but I was going with it. The crowd would no doubt be expecting According To You… well they were in for a surprise.

*****

“Thank you so much, everyone! Unfortunately, this is my last song of the evening…”I said through my mic. Only the band knew of the change. The audience groaned in disappointment. I smiled, wiping the sweat from my brow.

“Now, I normally end with According To You… but Tuscany, I think you deserve something a little different, something new. Right?” The crowd cheered in reply.

“This is a Noel Gallagher song, so sing along if you know the words!” I announced, before launching into While The Song Remains The Same.

“ _ Hold that thought don’t let me go. _

_ We can dance beneath the fireflies on an empty road. _

_ It’s a shame, how a memory fades to grey… _

_ We let love get lost in anger chasing yesterday. _

_ Find me a place, where the sun shines through the rain _

_ Find me the pleasure in the pain _

_ While the song remains the same, let it go on and on and on…” _

I felt chills throughout my entire body, though I wasn’t even the least bit cold. I was pleased with my change, and my fingers knew the chords inside and out, though the song was only fairly recent. The crowd was singing along too, which made it better.

“This is it. This is why I wanted to do this…” I fully realized for the first time.

“ _ Take me back to the town where I was born. _

_ ‘Cause I’m of being a stranger and I’m miles from home. _

_ We can hide by a lonely window pane… _

_ We can walk the streets of my life, while they still remain. _

_ Find me a place where the sun shines through the rain. _

_ Find me the pleasure in the pain. _

_ While the song remains the same, let it go on and on and on…” _

I grinned, launching myself into the guitar solo and enjoying the euphoric sense of playing for all of these people. They weren’t there just to see Raven Wing anymore. They came to see me too.

“ _ Hold that thought don’t let me go. _

_ We can dance beneath the fireflies on an empty road…”  _ I finished to the cheering crowd.

“Thank you Tuscany!” I cried, before running backstage, right to the boys’ dressing room. I was on a high you would not believe. When I knocked and opened the door, all four of them looked utterly blown away.

“What did you think?” I asked, with a grin. The reply was a standing ovation, whistles, claps, you name it. I dissolved into laughter, as Jack came and wrapped his arms around me.

“What made you switch it up? You sounded incredible.” He asked.

“I wanted something new. Something to signify the start of a whole new life.” I replied, staring into his eyes. When our lips met, the other guys pretended to be grossed out.

“Aww c’mon you two, get a room.” Cam whined.

“Perhaps they’d like to be left alone? Don’t make it too long, Jackie, we’ve got a show to do.” Chris teased. I didn’t even care. When I heard rapid footsteps approaching, I knew it was Ally before she even came in. Jack let me go and I spun around, practically crushed into her bone mulching hug.

“Rey Blythe, you are without a doubt the most incredible performer I have ever seen… no offense.” She gushed, quickly winking to the boys behind her. Rian laughed.

“Sounds like I’ve been replaced.” He teased. I blushed at her compliment.

“All I did was change a song.” I humbly replied.

“No but it wasn’t only that. Your technique tonight was outstanding, I don’t think I’ve seen you perform that well, that effortlessly yet. It was truly something else.” Rian added. The others bobbed their heads in agreement. Was he right? They always said I was good, but this was different. Was rediscovering myself in this new life, this new relationship turning me into a better artist? Was that even possible?

“Hey, I just think she’s showing off for someone special.” Chris teased, cowering away playfully as I swatted him. Before we could get any further into our conversation, a knock came at the door. Thinking it was the stagehand, telling the guys they had to go on soon, Jack told them to come in. We were all surprised when a well dressed woman with a camera man and a microphone entered.

“Sorry to intrude, I was looking for a Ms. Rey Blythe.” The woman said in perfect American English. I was confused for 2 reasons. 1, why in the middle of Italy, an American reporter was at our concert and 2, why on earth she would be looking for me.

“I’m Rey Blythe. What can I do for you?” I answered, stepping forward. The woman smiled.

“I don’t wish to take up too much of your time, I just wanted to catch you before your album signing and ask you a few questions. My name is Madeline Stauch from Entertainment Tonight out of LA. I’ve been following you since it was announced that a fellow LA citizen was opening for Raven Wing. Clearly you have extraordinary talent. Is there a place we could go and talk for a minute?” Ms. Stauch nearly had me seeing stars. Was she serious? ET wanted to interview me? I looked nervously to Jack, but his calm stare said all I needed him to.

“Uh yeah, my dressing room is this way.” I finally replied, showing her out to the hall. I turned back to the others, wide eyed.

“You got this.” Jack smiled and I was gone.

*****

It was a crazy night and once my face hit the pillow, I was out cold. I barely had time to talk about how my interview had gone. It had gone well, though I knew I was nervous. I knew one big question would be about Jack and I. I didn’t like it, but I just answered as tactfully as I possibly could. Once big thing Ms. Stauch said to me really stood out in my mind though.

“Fans and researchers are saying you could be the next Janis Joplin.” Was I really that good? I didn’t think I held a candle to her or any of the other trademark rockers of yesteryear. I have to say it did boost my ego though. When I woke up the next morning, we were on the road, headed back to Rome. I knew we had to catch a flight to Bangkok that day and that was exciting enough. Thailand! Hot weather, delicious food and more beaches. I hoped we’d get some down time, even as we traveled through Asia and onto the States. When I got to the front of the bus, everyone was huddled around the TV on the ET website. I saw myself in the video from the night before.

“Now, I have to ask, you and Jack Cross. How exactly did that happen?”

“Well, I guess we had these mutual feelings for one another and they just kind of took off. He’s really an amazing guy and I couldn’t feel luckier with him than I already do.” I watched myself respond.

“Aww!! She’s smitten with you, Jack!” Ally cooed to her friend. They didn’t even know I was there.

“I can’t help but notice your stunning ring you have there. Now was this a gift, or do I hear wedding bells?” Ms. Stauch inquired.

“No, no wedding bells. This is a promise ring. He gave it to me just a short while ago and it’s already probably my most prized possession.” I chewed the inside of my cheek. Note to self, interviews were not my favourite thing.

“Are we to expect any wedding bells in your future with Jack Cross?” I suddenly wanted them to shut it off, but I felt frozen to my spot.

“I don’t know. I mean, I’m happy right now. Why change it? Looking to the future is a little daunting and who knows, we may not be here tomorrow or the next day. I say live in the moment. Let things happen if they’re meant to be and if not, it’s just a beautiful memory.” Okay, so it wasn’t so, so bad, but still, after remembering what one of the boys told me about Jack giving his heart for life, I wondered if he would be hurt by my answer. I stayed frozen in my spot, all the way to the end where she compared me to Janis Joplin and Jack whistled low.

“Wow, that’s some high praise.” He remarked.

“But well deserving, don’t you think?” Rian replied. Panicking a little, I quickly closed the open bathroom door nearby, to make it seem like I had just come out of my room. They all turned and Jack brightened at the sight of me.

“Hey, there’s the superstar. How’d you sleep?” He smiled, planting a warm kiss onto my lips. I smiled, taking his reaction as a good sign.

“Like a log. What were you guys doing?” I asked, innocently.

“Just watching your interview. Were you like totally scared?” Ally replied, switching the television off. I sank into a seat and Jack sat beside me.

“Well a little, it’s not everyday I have a complete stranger ask me about my personal life.” I half laughed.

“Yeah, I kinda figured they’d drill you about us, but you handled it well.” Jack complimented, wrapping an arm around me shoulders.

“Really? I wasn’t completely and utterly cheesy?” I joked, scrunching my nose. He replied with another kiss.

“Seriously you guys? Boy, I’ll be glad when we get to the hotel in Thailand, then these two can finally get a room and just have at it.” Cameron joked.

“Do you want me to hurt you?” I retaliated, giving him an only half meaning murder stare. He jumped and hid behind Rian, only making it funnier.

“Hey, I’m not gonna be much help if she’s dead set on killing you.” He joked.

“I don’t care, you’re my shield.” Cam replied. I locked eyes with him peeking over Rian’s shoulder and made it look like I was going to climb over the table. He shrieked like a little girl.

“Don’t kill me!” He play squealed, taking off running. I could’ve chased him if I wanted, but I just let him go. I did like the tour bus, it was comfortable, but I did miss having a living space that didn’t rock every time someone walked across the floor. Besides, maybe Cameron was onto something, getting a room. Jack and I, aside from a few times hadn’t had much time to ourselves since the whole thing started. And now we both knew what we wanted, the possibilities were endless. He looked to me as the others kind of milled about.

“What?” I asked, as his blue eyes were quite lovingly staring into mine.

“I just love you.”


	22. Twenty-One

The airport was insane. And I thought LAX was bad. I hadn’t been on a plane since the one that had brought me to England back in January. It seemed like an entire lifetime ago. Fans were present as we walked through the terminal, as well as reporters trying to shove microphones and cameras into our faces. Jack knew I was bothered and a little claustrophobic, just by the way I was python gripping his hand. Crowds didn’t bother me if I was playing for them, but this was madness. Voices overlapping voices, so much stimuli my brain couldn’t keep up.

“I’m right here.” Jack said into my ear at one point and somehow, I made it through to the security line, where there was just a little more organized level of chaos. I still held Jack’s hand, feeling much more secure with him near me.

“Is it always like this in airports for you guys?” I asked, rummaging for my passport.

“Hey, this isn’t even a bad day. Some fans who couldn’t get tickets will show up at airports to get a glimpse of us, or of you, future Janis Joplin.” Rian winked.

“Is that my new nickname?” I teased. I still didn’t think I was anywhere near deserving of the comparison. I flipped open my passport, preparing for the security officer.

“Wow! How old is this one?” Jack asked, noticing my horribly passport photo. It was taken when I turned 20. I still had blue hair back then…but that’s another story.

“Oh that, I was 20. Just after I got back into music. I figured I should have a travel passport in case I landed a gig someplace. Like with you guys.” I explained, with a light laugh.

“I have got to ask about the hair.” Ally teased. I just rolled my eyes.

“I was 20! I used to be kind of edgy. Besides, I like blue.” I shrugged. Jack gave me a sideways glance.

“What?”

“Two questions. One, Is black your natural hair colour? And two, when were you going to tell us your real name?” Jack was wide eyed, as he showed me my legal name on my passport.

“Oh…” I mentally face palmed.

“Wait, what? Rey isn’t your real name?” Rian asked, pushing by to see.

“It is so my real name! Just… not my full name.” I replied, just feeling a little embarrassed. Rey was my name, it was all my parents called me, my friends, whatever some legal piece of paper said was of no importance.

“So what is your full name?” Ally asked. I looked to Jack and sighed.

“Reagan Elizabeth-Anne Geraldine Blythe.” I revealed.

“Oh my God…” Cameron dissolved into laughter.

“Did your parents just not decide on a name… or…?” Chris teased.

“My dad was obsessed with Ronald Reagan, my mother’s mother was named Elizabeth-Anne and my father’s mother was named Geraldine. But nobody ever calls me Reagan, let alone the other names.” I explained, mildly embarrassed still that my one dark secret had been revealed.

“I’m your boyfriend, I can’t believe you never told me.” Jack teased.

“You never asked.” I replied, smoothly.

“Reagan is such a pretty name though. Why hide it?” Ally inquired. I shrugged again.

“It just wasn’t me. Why do you just go by Ally?” I countered.

“Oh I don’t know… Alison sounds so stuffy and literally only my grandmother calls me that… I see your point.” She nodded.

“So that’s a no to calling you Reagan then?” Jack asked, only partially serious.

“Well… maybe for special occasions.” I smirked. He winked.

“Gotcha.”

“Seriously?” Chris teased.

Once we were all situated and on the plane, I began to relax again.

“It’s a long flight eh? Ten hours? That’s how long it took me to fly from LA to London.” I told Jack as he pulled out his tablet.

“Yeah, it can get tedious. But hey, this time you’ve got me to keep you company. And we’re in first class.” He smiled. Well he had a point. Flying to London, I was in coach. First class definitely was like it sounded. The seats were practically beds. If allowed, I would’ve probably crawled into Jack’s but that was probably not recommended. For some reason though, I just ached to be near him. Which was silly, I was near him all the time, and he loved any and every PDA he could get away with. His hands were always either holding me close, by the waist, holding my hand, random kisses, I loved the attention, the closeness. I’d never had that before and now I was craving more. I wasn’t sure if it was intimacy I wanted or just to lay with him and cuddle. To be honest, both sounded like antidotes to my odd mood. As much fun as the flight could have been, we slept for most of it. Jack passed out on his own, I took something to get a few winks. When we weren’t asleep, Jack was watching a movie with headphones on and I was listening to music with my headphones on. We could have talked, but the plane engine was actually much too loud for any coherent conversation. The feeling didn’t go away, even from the second we were off the plane and through customs, I clung to Jack like an adoring puppy dog. Ally noticed of course, but I was too busy taking in Bangkok to pay much attention to her. We’d all changed on the plane, though Ally and I were the only ones wearing summer clothes. The boys were just in jeans and t shirts. Ally wore a cute sundress, while I opted for cut off denim shorts and a slim fitting black sleeveless crop top with strappy sandals and circle lens sunglasses, and a very light cotton elephant/bohemian shawl type sweater over top. I wanted to look irresistible, against the Thai heat. I was only sorry I hadn’t brought a wide brimmed hat. I felt completely swept away by the summer air, the culture all around me, the people, the aromas, the buzz of life. Europe had been nice, but this was traveling.

“Would you look at her? It’s like she’s walking in a daydream.” Rian gently teased his girlfriend about us. My glasses came off and just sat on top of my head and they were darting every which place, completely in awe. I couldn’t shake it. Not since the concert in Tuscany. Something inside just came back to life and was trying to get as much out of it as possible.

“Do we have time to hit the beach?” I asked, a bounce in my step.

“Maybe later. We should get to the hotel first and get settled.” Jack sort of brought me back down to earth as he let go of me to rummage for his phone. I wanted to pout, as he went ahead with Rian to kind of lead us in the right direction. I plodded after and Ally made pace with me as street vendors tried to sell us whatever they could.

“I think you’re getting a little bit obvious, there girl.” Ally finally said, under her breath.

“Obvious? What?” I replied, my head still a little bit above the stratosphere.

“Come on, could you not want him more?” She laughed. I gave her a look.

“Want him? Al, he’s my boyfriend. I have him.” I answered, knowing full well she didn’t mean it that way. She raised an eyebrow.

“Do I really have to spell it out for you?” She smirked. I rolled my eyes.

“It’s nothing. I’d just like some alone time with him, that’s all. You know, alone time where we aren’t crammed on a bus or falling asleep on a beach.” I told her.

“Riiight… don’t worry, I’ll take care of everything.” She winked. But before I could retaliate, she was gone, up to talk to Rian and Jack.

“Ally, no!” I wanted to shout, but I didn’t. Just what did she plan on saying?

“Rey wants to be alone with you so let’s lock them up together and see what happens.” Heaven forbid she say anything more than that.

“He’ll think I’m too shy to say anything myself.” I groaned internally. I wasn’t even sure what I wanted. All I knew was I wanted him and me, alone. Just to be us. For a moment, I wished we were still back at the estate in London. At least we would have some measure of privacy. Jack seemed unbothered though, as we reached the hotel and checked in. It was nearing dinnertime by then and I was getting both hungry and jet lag tired.

“You alright, there?” Jack asked, noticing my cheeriness had started to dwindle.

“Fine, just sleepy.” I admitted, as we crammed ourselves into the elevator.

“Sleepy? Well why don’t you rest for a while before dinner?” Jack replied, as we stepped off the elevator and headed for a room. I finally realized we were on our own as Jack unlocked the suite room door and led me inside.

“Okay. Are you going to stay?” I yawned. He smiled.

“Well this is my room too, so why not?” He revealed. I stopped.

“Huh? Oh my God, what did Ally say to you?” I briefly panicked.

“Nothing, just that she thought we deserved our own room too because we’re together. She and Ri share a room and Cam and Chris share one. I-if you’re not comfortable though…” He trailed off.

“No! no, of course not. We did talk about moving in together in the bus, but that didn’t happen, so yeah… why not?” I offered a smile. He returned it.

“You look tired. Here.” He said, kicking off his shoes and going to the bed to turn down the covers.

“Just get in and close your eyes for a bit. I’ll wake you before it’s time to get ready to leave.”

“Are we all going out for dinner?” I asked, doing as he said. I removed my sweater, glasses and shoes, accepting the plush softness of a real bed.

“Actually, I have a little spot reserved for us two.” He smiled, joining me under the covers. I barely heard him though, as I dropped off. The last thing I felt was a gentle kiss pressed to my temple.

*****

When I woke up, the sun was getting low in the sky, but I felt much better.

“Well hello sleepyhead.” Jack smiled, looking over at me, from the other side of the room.

“What time is it?” I mumbled, trying to mask a yawn.

“Just after 5:30. Don’t worry, our reservation isn’t until 7.” He assured me.

“What reservation?” I asked, getting up out of the bed.

“You don’t remember me telling you I made dinner plans for you and I?” Jack looked amused. I shook my head.

“No, but I believe you. I’m guessing that means I should change.” I smiled, looking down at my now sleep rumpled outfit.

“Up to you, I think it’s a cute look.” He teased and I just stuck my tongue out at him.

“I should shower first. What kind of attire is expected for dinner?” I asked, raking my fingers through my now loosened ponytail.

“Well, it sounds like a pretty fancy place. How many dresses have you got?” I paused. Not many.

“I’m sure I’ll find something.” I merely answered. But what was I going to wear? The feeling returned not long after I got out of the shower. I suddenly wanted to look so incredible, that Jack’s eyes would pop out of his skull. But what did I have? The only 2 dress type outfits I owned were the black number I’d worn to the album release party and the maxi skirt I’d worn the night we ended up on the beach in Italy. This had to be better than those. As I dried off in the bathroom, I knew what I had to do. She’d tease me from now until next Tuesday, but I needed her help. I opened my phone and texted Ally:

_ “Girl emergency” _

I poked my head out the bathroom door and fortunately I didn’t see Jack anywhere. Ally was at the door in less than five minutes.

“What’s up?” She asked, as she watched me pace the floor.

“I need to borrow a dress. Something that works for me, figure wise and personality wise, but also I need it to make Jack go completely bonkers.” I finally just said it and Ally only stared for a moment or two, and I actually expected her to laugh at me, but she just sized me up, pursed her lips and said

“Wait right here.” Before taking off.

“Okay wow, calm down.” I breathed, sitting on the edge of the bed. I was so pent up again, so antsy and I had no idea why.

“Is this what it’s like when you give your heart to someone?” I thought, wondering just what Ally was getting. Moments later, she returned with a big bag.

“Okay. First thing’s first, get into your underthings. Make sure they match, make sure you wear a strapless bra.” She instructed.

“Why does any of that matter?” I asked.

“Just do it, trust me.”

“O-okay, but shouldn’t we be doing this all in the bathroom? What if Jack walks in? I don’t want him to see me yet.” I replied.

“Jack’s with Rian in Cam and Chris’ room. They’re all watching the game. We won’t be disturbed. Now let’s go.” She clapped her hands and it was a little frightening. I suddenly felt like she was my fairy god mother or something. In little to no time, there I was, dressed in a wine coloured flowing dress with a high low cut skirt and a pair of black strappy heels. The dress had skinny little straps that crossed in the back and tied together in a corset like set up, just below my shoulders. There was a thigh high slit in it, which helped showcase my tanned legs and the dress’ neckline was plunging. I’d never worn anything so revealing in all aspects of my body. My hair had been curled and pinned up, with a few loose curls cascading around my face. I paired it all with my mother’s diamond hoops and a single teardrop pendant Ally had picked up in Paris. She’d done my makeup too, similar to my normal way, but softer somehow, making my eyes sparkle.

“Wow…” I breathed, regarding myself in the mirror.

“If Jack doesn’t do anything about the way you look tonight, he’s blind!” Ally declared, fixing my necklace just a little. I fought a blush.

“Ally…” I whined, feeling embarrassed.

“Whaaat? Isn’t that why you recruited me? I will not see my efforts go unused, Raegan Elizabeth-Anne Geraldine Blythe.” She half teased. I groaned.

“I  _ so  _ should have changed my name.” I threw my head back.

“Regardless, I better not hear of another tale of you two talking all night or falling asleep after dinner like an old married couple.” She wagged her finger and my blush felt hotter.

“Stop…” I covered my face.

“Aww, someone’s shy…” She teased.

“I just… let me get through dinner first and see where the night takes us.” I begged. She gave me a sideways glance.

“Okay…” She didn’t sound thoroughly convinced. Before she could antagonize me more though, my phone chimed.

“Waiting in the lobby whenever you’re ready.” I took a deep breath.

“He’s waiting. I’ll see you later.” I told my friend, as I went to open the door.

“Later better mean tomorrow afternoon.” She smirked. I fought more blushing as I forced myself to leave.

“Who are you kidding? Just go back to your room, crawl into some jeans and a t- shirt and order room service.” I briefly thought. It was a viable option, it certainly sounded comfortable, but I knew I deep down wanted to do this, show up, send Jack’s jaw to the floor and share a romantic evening together, whatever it entailed. I took the elevator to the second floor and merely walked down the staircase from there. It was hard not to feel like Cinderella in that moment, as Jack stood waiting at the bottom, immersed with his phone. When he looked up, I was on the bottom step and I got the reaction I’d wanted.

“W-w-wow…” He stammered, eyeing me up and down. I smiled and looked down, losing my composure for a moment.

“Will it do?” I asked, softly.

“Will it do? It’ll do and a half! Where did you… how did… you look…incredible.” He tripped over his words, before finding his best smile.

“You don’t look so bad yourself.” I remarked, really finding his dark suit ensemble really attractive, with his hair gelled back and everything.

“What, this old thing?” He half joked.

“That’s supposed to be my line, genius.” I chuckled, starting to relax. He eyed me again, his eyes twinkling with wonderment.

“You really do look amazing, Rey.” He breathed, leaning close to touch a gentle kiss to my cheek. It tingled and I almost turned my head to further the moment, but stopped myself.

“Should we go?” I asked. Jack smiled and held out his arm.

“Absolutely.”


	23. Twenty-Two

I wanted that night to go just so perfectly, but it’s hard to expect perfection sometimes. Even just a casual slip up could have potential for ruining everything. It was my fault, though Jack would deny, but I still should have known better. I was high in the clouds, owning my look and flaunting it. I kept worrying I’d fall out the front of my dress, but miraculously the girls stayed put. I knew Jack was having a hard time keeping his eyes on my face, but I didn’t tease him about it. I wasn’t an overly graced woman in the chest region, so most hardly, if ever, would notice, unless I was trussed up like I had been. The restaurant was spectacular, the atmosphere alive and vibrant. But I made a mistake. I ordered a bottle of wine for the table. Jack said nothing about it either, which he could have, but I think he was embarrassed. It wasn’t until I had filled my glass and offered Jack some, that it hit me. Images of when I first had met him flashed through my mind and I almost dropped my wine glass, or threw it all the way across the room entirely.

“Oh… my god, I am so sorry.” I stammered, setting down my glass and taking a long sip of my water as my face started flaming with embarrassment. I wanted to cry. I couldn’t  _ believe  _ I had just done something so  _ stupid _ .

“Rey, it’s okay.” But was it? I was the reason he’d crawled out of that hole to begin with and there I was, pouring wine right in front of him! I might as well have just tried to offer him a glass of poison! I tried really hard to forget about it, but I ended up quiet for the rest of dinner. The food was fantastic and I tried to be a cheerful companion, but I still just couldn’t believe I’d been so careless.

“I’ll swear off all alcohol for him, if that’s what it takes…” I told myself, as we finished up. The full wine glass and bottle remained untouched and I felt even worse that Jack had to pay for it.

“Why don’t we take a walk down by the water? It’s lovely out.” Jack suggested. Who was I to argue? He knew I was perturbed, but didn’t comment on it, until we were walking along the shore, both in our bare feet.

“Rey, love, talk to me. You’ve been so quiet since dinner.” He finally urged, slipping an arm around my waist. I almost pulled away.

“I’m fine.” I lied.

“Can we not keep playing this game? Just talk to me.” His voice was gentle, but firm at the same time. I sighed, feeling tears creeping up.

“It’s just… this wasn’t supposed to happen… I’m  _ sorry _ .” I whispered, my voice wobbling. Jack stopped.

“What? Is this about what happened at the restaurant? Rey, it’s okay, I told you that.” He assured me, reaching to brush my tears away. I shook my head.

“No it’s not. I was careless… I’m the one who was there from the start when you quit drinking and I go and do something like that…” I wept. Jack pulled me into his arms.

“Rey, sweetheart, don’t even worry about it. To be honest, I don’t even miss it, or care. If you want to drink, go ahead. It won’t bother me, I promise. Believe me, I’ve come a long way from what I used to be. I’m stronger, I’m wiser and I have you, so I’m pretty much complete. Now, please don’t cry. You look way too amazing to have your makeup ruined by tears. He looked down at me and brushed a stray lock of hair behind my ear. With the waves lapping onto the shore in the background, the full moonlight and the warmth in the air, it started to feel perfect again. I took a deep breath.

“You’re something else, you know that?” I breathed, leaning close. He leaned close as well, resting his forehead against mine.

“Funny, I was going to say the same thing about you. I’m really glad we could get away tonight. Being on the road so much kind of makes things crazy. It’s nice to slow down and just focus on one another.” He murmured, pulling me in by the waist. I felt chills run up my spine and then we were kissing. Slowly, tenderly, passionately, with the ocean waves behind us. Magic. I don’t even remember how we got back to the hotel after that, but we did, still completely at the mercy of one another. We got to the room and closed and locked the door behind us. The rest? Well, that’s another story.

*****

My eyes fluttered open and the sun was just beginning to rise over the horizon. I could hear the waves, even with the French doors leading to the balcony, closed. Had I woken up in paradise? It almost seemed like it, when I looked over to see Jack still fast asleep. My heart swelled with so much love for him, I could have cried, laughed or both. I did want to sleep longer, but I decided to get up and change first. My hair was still curly from the night before, but had been let down. I removed my makeup, confident in my honey glow and changed into a cute pyjama set, shorts and a thin strapped cropped top, both with stars and moons on them. Instead of returning to bed though, I stepped out onto the balcony, just breathing in the fresh morning air. I felt like I had arisen from the dead, in a way. I’d never felt that way before, just so completely content and happy, relaxed and comfortable. Leaning over the balcony, I soaked in the first few good rays of morning sunshine, letting the light just dance over my receptive skin. Moments later, I heard footsteps behind me and felt a pair of strong arms wrap around my waist from behind. Jack nuzzled his face into my neck and placed a few soft, gentle kisses all down it, to my shoulder blade. I closed my eyes and took a breath.

“Morning.” I murmured, leaning back into him.

“Good morning, my love.” He replied, his voice still raspy with sleep. I don’t know why I had never teased him for giving me pet names, but now, I didn't find them cringe worthy or silly.

“Sleep well?” I asked.

“Hmm… you?”

“Wonderfully. I wish we could stay in Thailand.” I wished, turning to face him. He smiled.

“So do I. Maybe we’ll come back here one day, you and I.” He suggested. Before, I would have balked at that, talk of a future together. Not anymore. Jack had my heart. Wholly and completely. It may have not been in my life’s plans to fall in love, but I had. And I wanted a future with Jack, whatever it entailed.

“I’d like that.”

*****

By the time Jack and I actually got up for the day, it was around eleven. We ended up falling back asleep, and I have to say I knew I could definitely never sleep alone again. I knew Ally would grill me, have a million and one questions, but I didn’t even care. I was happy.

“Hey, how’d the date go, last night?” Rian asked, as we joined the others in the lobby, just before noon. Jack and I shared a look.

“It was lovely.” I responded, with a smile. My gaze met Ally's and she could hardly contain herself. Rian though, seemed satisfied with my answer and we all headed outside to wait for the car. Ally hung behind me and whisper squealed.

“You guys! You did, didn’t you?” She asked, all wide eyed. I smirked, flicking my hair behind my shoulder.

“Ally, I’m a lady, I don’t kiss and tell.” I teased her.

“Oh come off it… stop teasing me!” She begged. I just laughed and walked on ahead, leaving her to wonder. We hardly had much down time, before it was on to the next crazy day in the life of a superstar. I was still riding a tremendous high and was not about to see it go to waste. After some time enjoying the sights Bangkok had to offer us, before it was off to the concert hall to set up. Ally kept teasing me subtly throughout the day, and I knew she probably had to be the biggest shipper of Jack and I. I had to admit, it was kind of silly. No one else seemed to notice anything different, that or they didn’t care, but I know I felt different. A good, different, more adventurous and willing to venture out of my comfort zone. It was scary and enticing all at the same time. To say my mind was completely focused on work that day would have been an outright lie, My mind was still replaying the night before. The magic, the oneness. I definitely knew I would never be the same again. Just before soundcheck, I was getting myself pulled together for the night, when a light knock came at the door.

“It’s open.” I replied, fixing my hair back in the mirror. Ally appeared in the doorway, with a smug little smirk on her face. I just rolled my eyes and faced the mirror again.

“What is it, Al?” I asked, though I already knew the answer. 

“Oh nothing, just noticing a certain Miss Rey Blythe is absolutely glowing today. One would think she had her good friend Ally to thank for that.” She teased, sauntering into the room.

“Are you looking for a thank you? Ok, thank you.” I chuckled, amused at her behavior.

“Ha! You just admitted it. You two totally did it, you so totally did it!” She squealed, her cheeks flushing pink with excitement. I reddened too, but for a different reason.

“Okay, so why broadcast it?” I hissed, eyeing the still open door.

“Because! It’s amazing! You two finally getting past all the boring talking and napping and ugh! I just wanted to threaten you two to get going already!” She only half joked. I truly didn’t see why she was so hyped about all of this.

“Rey… you’re part of the family now. You kinda have been for a while now, but especially now, you’re part of our family. I can’t see Jack letting you go until you’re both old and grey. He loves you so much, Rey. Jack isn’t like most rock stars where they sleep with anything that moves. You know he gives his heart for life, and you my dear, have his heart undoubtedly.” Her voice softened. I remembered what Ally and the boys had teased me about while in Italy, about Jack and I getting married. I remembered how afraid that made me feel. I didn’t feel that fear anymore. And Ally had used that word. The word I hadn’t used, the thing I hadn’t had in a long time. Family. Ally was right. I did have a family, now. And I wasn’t about to let that go. I wanted to stay with Jack. Stay with my family. But my contract was nearing its end. Was I supposed to go back to LA at the end of the year? Go back to the record shop? My old life? I’d become popular in my own rite, through my music, performing with Raven Wing, yet still no one had come forward offering me some huge record deal. The gears in my head started spinning and I knew in my soul I wanted, no I needed to stay with Jack, stay in England, maybe find a record deal in London, hell maybe even with his own company. But one thing was for sure. I couldn’t let the end of my contract mean goodbye. Oddly, I began to feel tears stinging my eyes.

“Rey? Are you ok?” Ally asked, before I burst into tears and ran out of the room. I ran until I got outside, hot tears just raining down my cheeks. I didn’t really know why I was so upset at first, but I suppose I was scared of losing everything. I’d finally done something I’d never thought I’d do. I fell in love and yet my situation was up in the air. Ally of course, thought she’d upset me somehow and ran off to find Jack. It was only a matter of minutes before he found me and wordlessly brought me into a tight embrace.

“What’s going on?” He murmured, soothingly.

“I-I don’t want to go…” I sobbed into his chest.

“Go? Where are you going?” He asked, puzzled. I looked up at him with tear stained cheeks.

“My contract will be up in December. That’s not far away… I still don’t have a record deal, and my Visa is only good while I’m working for you guys… b-but I can’t leave. I don’t want to leave. LA is my home, but I don’t want to go back there… and I love you, I don’t want to ever leave you. Not until we’re both too old to know what our own faces look like…” I trailed off as he cut me off with a deep kiss. I felt myself relax as I wrapped my arms around his neck and leaned into him.

“So don’t leave. No one’s asking you to. You don’t wanna go back to LA, the hell with California and all their coffee bars. I never believed for a second you’d go back home after your contract was up. You’re my girlfriend, and you’re stuck with me. Because no life is worth living if I can’t have you in it.” He finally spoke, gently cupping my cheek in his hand and brushing my tears with his thumb. I blinked, fresh tears cascading down my cheeks. 

“What about my music?” I asked, softly. He just smirked at that.

“Do you realize I’m part of an internationally selling band that can pull some strings with his own label?” He asked. And suddenly everything just aligned in my mind. A smile spread across my face.

“Really?” I asked, breathlessly. 

“Really. I love you too, you know. And I definitely want to look back on an amazing life and career with you at my side. With our children, grandchildren, maybe even great-grandchildren.” His blue eyes shone with the brilliance of 100 stars. See, things like that didn’t scare me anymore. I knew I wanted all of that too. 

“So back to London then, after the tour?” I wondered, just excited about the plethora of opportunities suddenly before me. He smiled.

“Of course. It’ll give me incentive now to start looking for a flat for the two of us. Don’t know about you, but the estate is just too much room for you and I off tour.” He started thinking aloud. It was almost too dream-like to be real, but I was more than agreeable to all of it.

“Doesn’t matter to me. Wherever you are, I’m home.” I hugged him. He stared dreamily into my eyes as I looked up at him.

“I love you, you know?” He asked. I touched a gentle kiss to his lips.

“I know.” 


	24. Twenty-Three

When Jack and I headed back inside, Ally was looking around frantically for me.

“Oh Rey! I’m so sorry I upset you…” She trailed off, catching up with me in the corridor, backstage. She gave me a tight hug and I nearly had to peel her off of me. 

“No, Al I’m fine. It’s ok, I was just a little overwhelmed. I’m all good now. I just wasn’t really sure what was next for me, after the tour, but Jack seems to have a good idea. He’s already talking about apartment hunting in London.” I shared, still on an emotional high. Ally gasped.

“Seriously?!” She nearly screamed. I nodded.

“H-he told me he wants us to be together until we’re older than dirt. And I just…” I let out a shaky breath, just feeling my love for him just extend throughout my body. Ally pulled me into another hug, softer that time. 

“You two are soulmates. What did I tell you?” She smirked and I playfully swatted her, blinking back my tears.

“A family. I’m part of a family again.” I nodded, that word again taking deep rooted meaning in my heart.

“And you always will, hon. You always will.

********

The show went off without a hitch, but the night was far from over. The gang and I took the party back to the hotel that night and in the midst of laughing, talking and eating, Rian suddenly took center of the room. Jack reached over and muted the television, as the activity in the room came to a standstill. 

“Here’s to another successful show in Bangkok and may the rest of our tour go just as wonderfully.” He started, raising his cup in a toast. We all followed suit, as I felt Jack wrap his arm around me. 

“Now I’m not one for speeches, any of you know that all too well, but this is too special not to say a thing or two about.” He continued. I looked to Jack for some insight on what he was talking about and he just offered me a look that said he had no idea where his brother was going. 

“Ally… my girl, my best friend…” Rian faced Ally, who sat on the edge of the couch nearby to him.

“I think this is long overdue and probably not even needed, we’ve been together for so long already, but I know this is where I want the next step of my life to begin. With you.” I hid a gasp as it hit me as to what was happening. In seconds, Rian produced a black velvet box and popped the lid open. Ally let out a stunned sound and covered her mouth with both hands.

“Ally… my angel… will you marry me?” He asked, softly. The room fell so quiet, you could hear a pin drop.

“Y-yes! Of course yes!” She cried, flying to her feet and into her man’s arms. Well the room absolutely erupted after that. Ally’s ring was absolutely gorgeous, white and rose gold and talk about a rock! I gave her the biggest hug ever, as she was trying in vain to stop crying. Happy crying of course, but could you blame her? No one knew Rian had this planned.

“You’re next, you know.” She joked and I smiled. Maybe so, but this was Ally and Rian’s night. Ours would come one day, I knew that much in my heart. I watched as Jack congratulated his brother and the two shared a lengthy embrace, made much less endearing and more funny when Cameron and Chris latched onto them as well. I found myself letting out a loud laugh at them, as I stood with my arm around Ally. This was it. What I had been longing for so long for. This was my family.

*******

I was sorry to see Thailand go. So many wonderful things happened there and let’s just say the first time for Jack and I… hadn’t been the only time. We had so much to celebrate, so much to look forward to. And the same was true of Tokyo. We could barely keep our hands off each other at any given time and I’m certain the same was true of the newly engaged couple. Cameron joked at one point that he and Cameron were starting to feel like monks. 

Jack started looking at online ads for apartments with me, sometimes early in the morning or late at night in bed together. Other times, we were way too busy. We also came up with a plan of getting me signed with Raven Wing’s label after my contract was up. Not to mention Ally was already pestering me about being maid of honor and wanting to go through wedding catalogs at any given free second. We were all definitely kept busy. It was the beginning of December when we landed in LA for the final leg of the tour in America. As we landed at LAX in the wee hours of the morning, I remembered Jack’s words to me back in Thailand, to hell with LA and their coffee bars. Well, maybe not that far. LA always would be home, but London, with Jack, would be my future. And I was more than ready to dive in head first. 

“Tell me what you’re thinking.” Jack asked, our first full night in LA. I sat on the hotel bed, my legs crossed and I was staring into the distance, out the doors leading to the balcony. He joined me on the bed, gently moving my hair away from my shoulder blade, as he pressed a kiss to it.

“Mm… not much. Just realizing how much has changed since I was here last.” I mused, softly.

“Before you came in and turned my whole world upside down, you mean?” He smirked, as I laid back against the pillows with him. 

“Yeah. It seems like we were two entirely different people back then and it was only last year.” I cuddled up against him.

“People change in the right circumstances. Luckily for us, it was a damn good thing.” He smiled, pressing a gentle, slightly possessive kiss to my temple. 

“You can say that again. I can’t remember the last time I felt like this.” I breathed, nuzzling into his neck. 

“Mm… that feels like heaven…” He moaned, as I pressed a series of soft kisses to his shoulder. I bit back a smile.

“Does it now?” I lightly taunted, looking up to brush a stray lock of his hair back. He chuckled.

“I love you so much, you know?” He murmured. I bit my lower lip.

“I know.” You can pretty much guess what followed.

I woke up in the wee hours of the morning to get a drink of water and use the bathroom. The thermostat was also set a little too low for my liking, so I fiddled with that for a minute, as I yanked on Jack’s t-shirt for a little added warmth. As I padded back over to the bed, where Jack was gone to the world, I noticed the notification light on my phone blinking. Curious, I opened my phone, squinting slightly at the sudden brightness. It was an email from a prestigious LA record label. Actually one that had turned me down in the past. The email was a little vague, just saying they’d love to hear from me. My instinct told me to decline, knowing Jack would set me up in no time in London, but it was enticing, just to hear what they had to offer at least… right? It wasn’t like I was actually taking the deal. Making a mental note to follow up on it in the morning, I crawled back into bed and curled myself around Jack’s sleeping form. Sleep came instantly.

The next couple of days flew by, but just before we took the bus out of LA, I had a meeting no one knew about. I fibbed, saying I was going to stop in on a few friends, but ended up meeting with the record label instead. Bottom line was, they loved me and wanted badly for me to sign with them on a 5 year contract. The pay was staggering, my accommodations even more so. 

“But Jack…” The voice in the back of my mind reminded me all throughout. It was literally the only thing holding me back. And I had until the end of the month to decide. 

“We can still be together with me in LA and him in London…” I foolishly thought. The deal in LA sounded amazing and I loved everyone I met there. At Jack’s label, I’d have to deal with Anthony Carr and Jemima Marsh, two of probably my least favourite people on the planet. It meant the world to me that Jack was willing to pull strings for me, but would I be happy there? Would I just stay, for Jack? I ended up feeling rather conflicted as I joined the gang at the hotel and boarded the tour bus.

“Hey, how did it go?” Jack greeted me with a chaste kiss on the cheek. I remembered my ruse and suddenly felt bad.

“O-oh… good. Caught up and everything.” I lied. 

“I’m glad. Here, want a tour of our room? Jack teased, revealing the bottom bunk of the bus. Before, we hadn’t ended up sharing a bed, but now… well now we were more than entitled to.

“Goof.” I just rolled my eyes.

***********

To say I was stressed out during the following weeks, was an understatement. While I was still mulling over the possibility of signing with the LA deal, Jack was completely smitten playing house with me, and close to Christmas, we’d all but chosen our new home. It was between two London based apartments and they were both lovely, but I couldn’t help but feel nauseated as the weight of the deal pressed on my mind. I knew I wanted him, a life with him, a family and all of those normal human longings, but I also wanted to be a star. LA could make me that star. Maybe London could too, but I was scared, I suppose. Scared of the unknown. LA was home, it was familiar, but so was Jack. It was enough to make me want to tear my hair out and I could tell literally no one. Jack seemed to sense something was off as Christmas got closer and pulled me aside one night in Baltimore, backstage.

“Everything alright? You haven’t been completely right since we left California.” He wondered and with the amount of concern in his blue eyes, I almost told him everything. 

“I-I’m fine. I-I just haven’t been feeling very well lately.” That wasn’t totally a lie.

“You’re not coming down with anything, are you?” He wondered. I shook my head.

“I don’t think so. I’m just… I’ll be fine.” I took a deep breath. Jack smiled and pulled me in for a kiss. Something told me he didn’t 100% believe me, but wasn’t going to badger me about it. 

“Remember, I’m always here.” He reminded me, leaving me to finish getting ready. I blinked back tears as he left and knew what I had to do. 

“For me, or for Jack?” I thought.

“Shut up…” I ordered myself. I marched right back to my dressing room and dialled the number for the LA label. I had to leave a voicemail, but I thought turning down an offer was something I should do person to person, via phone. Voicemail was just a cop out. So I asked them to call me back, saying I’d made my choice.

“London will be fine. It’s the music that matters, not the personality clashes. Besides, who am I kidding. If I stayed in LA, Jack and I would fall to pieces.” I thought, freshening up my makeup before my set. I dreaded the thought of what that would do to my dear, beloved Jack. Vivid images of him blackout drunk in our early days flashed in front of my eyes and it shocked me so much I gasped out loud.

“Rey?” His voice brought me out of my flashback and I saw him standing in the doorway.

“Oh hi…” I breathed.

“Feeling better?” He wondered, entering the room and holding me by the waist. I nodded, truthfully.

“I think so. Kiss for good luck?” I smirked, tapping his lips lightly. He smirked in reply.

“Don’t think you need it, but sure.” He obliged, leaning in and giving me a loving embrace afterward. What I didn’t realize then was my phone was on the coffee table behind me and a certain LA based record label was returning my call. And Jack saw.

  
  
  
  


**Jack’s POV**

I felt anxiety churn in my gut. What would that label be doing calling Rey? More importantly, why would it come up from her contacts? She said she wanted to stay with me. Live in London, take her career there…” Worry began to eat away at me as I anxiously waited for our set. I could’ve watched my girl perform, I usually did, but I was quite distracted. Did this mean she was changing her mind? Did it mean she was really going back to LA at the end of the year with that label? It made me feel nauseous just thinking about it. She’d said she wanted a life with me. Like a proper one, with a house and a family. Hell, maybe even a dog.

“You in there?” Rian snapped me out of my thoughts.

“Mm… yeah.” I lied. I needed answers. My brother gave me a look. I sighed and knew I had to fill everyone else in on my worry. 

“Actually… no.”

**Rey’s POV**

I knew I had to let everyone in on what was happening, but I did want everything finalized before I did. I returned the call from the label that had been left hours ago and thanked them but basically said no thank you. All was going to work out fine, but things didn't go exactly as planned, explaining wise. Jack was nearly blowing in the door of my dressing room, followed by everyone else.

“Wh-what’s going on?” I demanded, quite flustered to say the least. Ally came right over and gave me a big hug.

“You can’t leave us for some LA bigwigs who are promising you the moons of Saturn or some shit.” She begged, her eyes misty. I looked beyond her to Jack and Rian for some sort of explanation.

“Rey… before, I saw your phone ring on the table and it was from that LA label… a-are you really signing with them?” Jack filled in, his pale blue eyes full of sadness. I peeled Ally off of me and let out a laugh, dragging my hand through my hair.

“What? No! They offered. I’ll admit I was dishonest back in LA when I said I was meeting some friends, I had a meeting with the company and told them I would consider it… but I couldn’t give you all up. LA can offer me what it wants. It holds nothing to what I have with you guys. My family. It may be my dream, but you guys…” I trailed off, going to Jack and wrapping my arms around him.

“You’re my heart.” I vowed, as Jack pulled me into his embrace.

“That’s our girl.” Ally beamed. I looked up at Jack.

“Were you really worried?” I wondered.

“A little.” He admitted and I felt guilty. Touching a light kiss to his lips, and smiled.

“You’re never gonna lose me. You’re stuck with me now.” I teased.

“I hope with super glue.” 


	25. Twenty-Four

Christmas in New York City. I had always wanted to see it and now I had the chance. Times Square was breathtaking, the giant tree absolutely mind boggling. We all got a hotel for the holiday, thank Heaven, in more ways than one, let’s just say Jack was a little  _ too  _ pleased I’d turned down LA... Christmas was somewhat quiet for us all, Jack only sharing one big present, a set of apartment keys.

“You didn’t…” I trailed off that morning, still in bed together. He beamed.

“Closed yesterday. It’s ours. The one you absolutely loved.” He added. I gasped.

“The balcony? And the skyline? The huge windows?” I sat up, excitedly. He laughed out loud.

“It’s ours, baby! It’s ours!” He hooted, nearly smothering me in his embrace. I laughed as well, feeling just so overwhelmed with love and contentment.

“A home. Our home.” I added, feeling my voice catch. Jack’s eyes met mine and he nodded slowly, tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear.

“Our home.” He promised. Ours.

**************

The last show at year’s end was a little bittersweet to say the least. I ended up in tears at the end of my set with the crowd chanting my lyrics back at me. I was finally living the dream and according to Jack, he was already in discussions with Anthony and he had my demo reel and everything. Bottom line was, I was pretty much good to start in the new year. A new year. It was hard to believe, even as we arrived in London on New Year’s day. The air was chilly, but my heart glowed with warmth. By the time we’d all slept off the jet lag, Jack and I quickly took to moving into our new place, my stuff having been shipped from LA, what I didn’t already have with me, Jack’s things from the estate and a few trips to Ikea. Rian, Ally, Cameron and Chris all helped out, of course. Our first night, I was standing out on the balcony, overlooking the skyline. It was a chilly but clear night and I could see stars above me. Two directly in my line of sight seemed to shine the brightest, and I was convinced they were my mom and dad. They were proud of me, proud of what I’d done in the last year, who I’d become, who I’d fallen in love with.

“You okay out here? Don’t want you catching a cold.” Jack’s voice brought my gaze back down and I smiled as he wrapped an arm around me. I looked at him and gave a contented sigh.

“This is really something, huh? You, me, two stubborn musicians living under the same roof. We used to not stand being under the same roof.” I jokingly reminded him.

“Love changes people. Love can conquer all.” He recited.

“How poetic.” I teased.

“But true…” 

“A whole year.” I mused, half to myself.

“Mm… wonder what the next year will bring?” He wondered.

“New music for sure, I’m dying to get started. Maybe another tour, maybe a headliner tour for me…” I got excited at the possibilities.

“Not to mention a wedding.” My heart missed a beat.

“Oh Rian and Ally. Right.” I quickly recovered and Jack smirked.

“Did you think I meant us?” He teased. I blushed.

“I-I well… ah… I mean sure… but um…” I stumbled and he laughed.

“Relax… I’m not asking you… yet. But if I were…” He trailed off. I chuckled.

“You know you have my heart, Jack Cross. No matter the time or place, now, a year from now, three years from now, my answer will always be the same.” I promised, turning so I was fully in his grasp. He paused.

“Well then, why not?” He asked, producing a single white gold ring with three beautiful diamonds on it, from his pocket. I gasped, staggering backward a couple steps. Was this real? My heart began to race like I’d run a marathon. 

“Reagan Elizabeth-Anne Geraldine Blythe, the girl with the full name of an 89 year old lady who will straight up murder me if I tell anybody else her real name… my love, my star… will you marry me?” Tears were coming hot and fast now, but I knew my answer. I’d known my answer for a while now.

“Yes… of course, yes…” I cried, flying into his arms for one showstopping, award winning kiss. The ring was an almost perfect fit and it shone like the stars in the sky.

“I love you.” I smiled, tearfully.

“I love you too.”

What a whirlwind the last year had been. I’d been a wannabe musician, striking out at every opportunity, until Raven Wing sent out a distress call and I was the one who helped save them from utter ruin. Jack was a broken man, too far gone, his family thought, to be helped. But he was right when he said love could change people. We’d both been through our own versions of hell and emerged on the other side scarred, but strong. We found solace in one another, love in our hearts and a song in our souls. What laid ahead? A lifetime of laughter, love, hardships and tears, but most importantly… music.


End file.
